


Elastic Heart

by fromstarlighttodust



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Sexual Assault, But only towards people who deserve it, Caretaker Levi, Dark Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I hope you're signing up for the long haul, Like, Mild Gore, Mute Eren Yeager, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, That happens entirely off screen, it's gonna be a long haul, referenced Erwin/Levi and Farlan/Levi, we're kind of pretending Marley doesn't exist and not worrying too hard about the logistics of that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2020-06-27 17:14:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 51,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19795372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromstarlighttodust/pseuds/fromstarlighttodust
Summary: Shortly after winning the war against titans, Hanji recieves an order to execute both Eren and Armin. While Levi appeals the ruling before the government--and sacrifices just about everything in the process--Hanji scrambles for a cure. She finds one, but the side effects are less than desirable, at least in Eren's case.When a freshly demoted Levi is the only option left to look after an incredibly angry, incapable Eren who's body is betraying him in more ways than one, old, repressed emtions begin to make themselves known. Suddenly, neither of them can hide from what happened nine years prior and perhaps the only key to them coexisting is to confront it and clear the air between them. Unfortunately, they're going to have to stop fighting and being stubborn first.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, my lovelies! After my lovely little foray into happy land, I'm back with a fic that's a bit heavier. I hope you enjoy the ride! I'm going to try and post as often as possible, but I cant really make any guarentees for this posting schedule--though, if you've read any of my other works, you'll know that I'm awful at sticking to them anyway. *nervous laughter* Anywho! Here we gooo!

They say that everyone has three great loves in their life. The love that looks right, the love that is hard and then the love that lasts. They come into a person’s life in that order and ideally, the love that lasts is the one they end up with. That’s the idea anyway. At least, that is what Levi had learned from one of the stupid books that he had read when he was learning how to after joining the Survey Corps. It was either that or Hanji’s medical textbooks and a stupid romance book was definitely preferable to those crazy rambles, and it was that which Levi found himself thinking about, inexplicably, as Eren stood in front of him with his head bowed, eyes glued to the floor, and a bright red blush on his face, after having proclaimed having feelings for Levi.

“Will these ‘feelings’ get in the way of you doing your job?” Levi asked, making sure that no emotion filtered through to his eyes or voice. Harsh. That was harsh, and he hadn’t meant to sound so condescending, but the thing was… If that book was to be believed, Levi had already had the first two great loves of his life. 

The first had been Farlan. Levi wasn’t against calling him ‘the love that looked right’ because, well, Farlan had definitely looked right and it wasn’t like there was an abundance of options in the underground. Down there, life was fleeting, but Farlan had been fierce and confident. Kind but wary, Strong but gentle, Farlan that had stood by Levi’s side from the very beginning. Farlan, who had followed Levi through the underground and fought by his side to defend what was theirs--defend the people who had come to them for protection in that shitty world. Who had accepted Isabel as a little sister figure for both of them just as easily--maybe easier--as Levi had. Farlan, with whom every bit of affection and romance had been fast and hard and dirty, because that’s all they could afford in the world they came from. Farlan, who had continued to follow Levi when they got handed a job on the surface, who had trusted Levi’s judgement--had asked Levi to trust him and Isabel in turn--and who had died between the jaws of a titan. A mistake that Levi had made had cost him his first love and his little sister. Levi had thought that he was irrevocably broken after that blow, but… Then his second love had somehow wormed his way into Levi’s heart.

The second love, Erwin, had been the textbook definition of the ‘love that’s hard’. Their ranks alone, making any thought of a public relationship impossible--not that Levi minded, he hated public displays of affection. To everyone outside of a select few people who had found out one way or another, Erwin and Levi were nothing more than Commander and Captain. Behind closed doors, though, Erwin would hold Levi so tenderly, kiss him like he put the stars in the sky, fuck him like he was made of glass. But more than their public images was the knowledge that they were both members of the Survey Corps. The branch of the military that had been hailed as the one with the people who were suicidal. The one that people only joined to die. Their death toll was insurmountable until just recently, as the tides of war were turning. Both Levi and Erwin had been painfully aware that each kiss could be their last, that there was no guarantee that each time they went beyond the walls both of them would return. As it turned out, one day it was only Levi who came back. Giving up Erwin for Arlert had been one of the hardest things that Levi had ever done, but… Erwin deserved to be able to rest. He didn’t deserve to be dragged back into this shitty world, no matter how Levi’s heart constricted at his loss.

And now Levi was looking at Eren and… While he had to admit, he had noticed the teen’s affections early on and just may harbor some of his own, he had ignored them. He had ignored them because at the time, he had Erwin. Now… Now Erwin was gone, but Levi was looking at a kid with an expiration date and his brain put a hard stop on the idea that Eren could be ‘the love that lasts’. That love was meant to be the last one, the one that remained until their end of days and _Eren was going to die at 28_ . But more than the stupid words of a once read novel, Levi couldn’t, abolutely could not, put his heart through that wringer _knowingly_ again. It was barely holding itself together as it was, but another blow like the last two would… Well, it might just kill him and the world still needed Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. As much as it might be nice to have a new bed partner, Levi didn’t take lovers lightly. In fact, there had only been the two, because if he let someone see him that vulnerable they had better damn well know that they meant the entire world in Levi’s tired heart.

“Of course not, Sir!” Eren looked alarmed and almost a bit offended at the implication.

Levi had already known the answer to his question, but he really didn’t have anything else to say. Not without letting Eren see his worn and battered heart and soul and frankly, Levi was uncomfortable with that idea. After all, for Eren to see that, he would have to be the third love and the whole point of showing him would be to turn him down.

Levi stared at Eren for a few more moments, truly at a loss before he turned back to his paperwork. “If that’s all, Jaeger, I’d recommend you return to your nightly chores. I believe you had kitchen duty tonight.”

Eren stood there was a slack jawed expression on his face and stuttered. “S-sir? Can… Do you have anything else to say?”

Levi’s pen paused on the report he had been working on and it occurred to him that he had no idea what he was writing. After rereading the last line, he was relieved that the text was at least coherent, though not the most eloquent thing he’d ever written. Finally, he looked back up at Eren. “No.”

Eren’s shoulders visibly dropped and he looked so damn put out that Levi was nearly tempted to take it back before Eren seemed to snap himself out of it, saluted and all but fled the room. Levi sighed heavily as soon as the door to his office swung shut and cupped a hand over his eyes. There was no way that Eren could be the third great love of Levi’s life, because Levi was decently certain he wouldn’t survive it. No matter how his heart squeezed itself as Eren literally ran away from him, Levi couldn’t let Eren fall into that role. He just couldn’t. There was no way, with Eren’s expiration date and well… Eren was very young. He was _so_ young. For all Levi knew, he was a passing fancy of the teen’s and Levi’s heart probably wouldn’t survive that either. Yes, that had to be it. Levi was a hero to most people, Eren included. He was like a mountain to conquer and once Eren had managed it, he would surely move on to someone who was… Well, his own age and not miserable, lonely, and chronically tired with a permanent resting bitch face. 

Hell, who knows. Nothing ever worked out nicely for Levi, so he probably didn’t even get that third love. That would be too easy, too good for the likes of him. Yeah. That was it. 

``~`**`~``

They’d done it. They’d won the war. The Survey Corps had their final great victory that proclaimed that all of their sacrifices hadn’t been in vain… So why didn’t it feel like a win? Well, Levi mused, it did to most of the soldiers, but he and Hanji were holed up in an office, looking at an order from the top brass of the military. An order that made both of them sick to their stomachs.

“They couldn’t possibly be serious,” Hanji breathed.

“How can they justify this? Those brats practically won the war for us,” Levi hissed.

“Fear,” Hanji sat down in her chair hard and stared at the paper on their desk. “Those two are the last titans, after all. The idiots are scared.”

“But they’re not titans! Eren and Armin are humans!” Levi was positively seething. Eren and Armin had been instrumental in winning the war and now the government had this decree sent to them via courier, stating that they should be put to death? Those kids--no, not kids, Levi reminded himself, they were both twenty five now, adults--had put their very souls on the line. They had truly pledged their hearts to the Corps and had come through when it was needed. Levi remembered, during the last battle he had been cut off from the rest of the soldiers, had been fighting quite literally for his life, but was hopelessly outnumbered, surrounded by snapping jaws and grabbing hands. Levi had actually had the thought 'this might be it. This is where I die. But I won't go down easily, I'll take as many of these bastards with me as I can.' And as if summoned by Levi's acceptance of the hopeless situation, a familiar roar had come from his left. Barrelling in, seemingly out of nowhere, having abandoned his post, Eren in titan form had swooped in like a saving grace. His teeth had ripped into the titan closest to Levi, his fist connecting with the face of another before wrapping around its neck to gain leverage to grapple a third with his legs. It was the opening Levi had needed to escape certain death, enough room for him to swing in and kill the titans that Eren had in his hold. They had faced the rest of the horde side by side, the two of them in perfect synch, titan hands and human blades working in perfect tandem to take down all who opposed them. Eren had undoubtedly saved Levi's life that day and he hadn't even found the appropriate time to thank him for it. During the battle, they had needed to hightail it back to the main force after they'd finished to support other troops and after… Well, Eren had been avoiding Levi like the plague for some time now and Levi couldn't say he blamed him. He knew he had hurt the brunette when he had rejected him all those years ago and their relationship had never been the same. Gone were the quiet nights of paperwork and chess. Soft smiles over a cup of tea in the early hours of the morning, long after Eren should have been locked up, a thing of the past. Levi only had himself to blame, but he could admit--at least to himself--that he missed those treasured nights.

Hanji bit her lip and then stood, running around the office, grabbing books and papers seemingly at random. "Levi, I need you to be acting commander for a few days. I'm going to go appeal this, buy enough time for me to find a cure."

"A cure? For… Titan shifting," Levi deadpanned.

"I have a theory," Hanji replied, almost seeming nervous. "But its unprecedented and extremely dangerous… And when I get back, I'm going to need those boys to consent to it because it could be as fatal as this piece of paper," She waved to the order on the table. “I also want to investigate and see if I can find a less dangerous way.”

"Let me go appeal it," Levi said quietly. "You work on the cure."

Hanji looked at him for a few moments before shaking her head. "You've never been good with words, Levi. No offense."

"No, you're right. But…" Levi hesitated. Other than not thanking Eren properly, he hadn't spoken about what had happened during the last battle. There was a certain amount of weakness he had to admit to if he were to tell anyone that he had needed saving, but Hanji was probably the closest thing to a family he had anymore and… well, it was for Eren. To save Eren, Levi would hang his dignity out to dry and expose his vulnerability to everyone who needed to hear it. Anything for Eren. "Eren saved my life. During the final battle, I was cornered and outnumbered and if he hasn't turned up when he did, I wouldn't be standing here right now. I will not accept that someone who has the humanity to do that could be a threat to others. I will base my appeal on those grounds. Eren is as human as you or I."

Hanji bit her lip. "Alright," her voice was soft. "But you do realize that could have ramifications on you, right?"

"Yes," Levi shrugged. "But… the war is over. No one needs Humanity's Strongest on the front lines anymore and I'm getting old, Hanji. My reflexes aren't what they used to be, no matter what I do to maintain them."

"You're still stronger than most," Hanji pointed out.

"But I'm also tired," Levi said quietly. "It has been… a long war. If there are repercussions for confessing I had to be saved, then so be it."

Hanji nodded. “Alright. You go, I’ll hit the books.”

``~`**`~``

Levi’s reputation, status as a war hero, speech about Eren and Armin’s humanity, and a promise of Hanji’s cure bought them three weeks. Those three weeks also cost him his title of captain. He wasn’t stupid. He had thrown himself in front of a government that was gunning for him to be removed but otherwise incapable of doing so because of the public’s opinion of him and all but offered himself as a substitute for their bloodlust for the shifters. Of course they’d shuffle him away at the first chance they got. They were _scared_ of him. And rightly so. They feared the entirety of the Survey Corps, the government topplers they were. Unfortunately for them, Levi didn’t need to be a captain for people to follow him. His very existence was a symbol to most, a beacon to follow, as much as he found that comical, and short of killing him there was nothing the government could do to snuff that out. Actually, killing him would probably just make the public support for the Survey Corps greater, if he really thought about it. 

They were lucky Levi had been willing to take anything if it meant saving Eren, including a demotion to glorified pencil pusher. Officially, the title was ‘Expeditions Overseer’ but really all that meant was he was stuck behind a desk for the foreseeable future, putting together reports for the government about the expeditions taken outside the walls while the rest of the Corps actually got to go on them. Basically, a fuck ton of doing nothing while they were away and then a truly stupid amount of paperwork when they got back. At least he was still getting paid for it, military salary meant military pension when he retired and that was enough for Levi. Eren and Armin would be safe, providing Hanji came through with that cure.

That was two weeks ago. Now, Levi found himself standing to Hanji’s right, looking at a nervous Eren and Armin. They looked like a couple of kids that had been called into the principal’s office at school. Sure, Hanji was the commander now, but it was still just _Hanji_. 

“Well, I guess there’s no good way to say this other than to come right out with it. Three weeks ago, I received an order for both of your executions. Two weeks ago, Levi appealed the order before the government and bought us three more weeks so I could work on a cure for the titans inside you both. And now we are running out of time and I still only have one option. A theory more than an option, truthfully. And--Well... “ Hanji chewed her bottom lip, cutting herself off.

“What she’s trying to say is her only option--” Levi started.

“Theory,” Hanji cut in.

“--Theory,” Levi continued as if she hadn’t interrupted. “Could very well be carrying out the execution order anyway. No one has attempted what this lunatic is proposing before.”

“What are you proposing, Commander?” Armin asked quietly.

“Surgery,” Hanji leaned forward and folded her hands over the desk in front of her. “I want to literally cut the titans out of your spinal cord. If I can get the entire essence stored inside of you, I should be able to contain the titan without having it pass to someone else. I wanted to keep this as a last choice due to the fact that, unfortunately, if the surgery isn’t fast, your regenerative powers will heal over every wound we make before we can cut the titan out of you, which removes a lot of options for precision. Also… No one really knows what will happen if I cut up your spinal cord. Especially you, Eren, I’m going to have to take 8 pieces of you.”

Eren and Armin looked at each other, seemingly having a silent conversation for several moments before they turned back to Hanji and Levi. “If you don’t sedate us, we can keep our regentation from getting in your way,” Eren said.

“Do you realize how painful it will be?” Hanji blinked in shock.

“Probably not worse than ripping ourselves out of our titans,” Armin replied softly. “We can do it.”

Hanji nodded hesitantly. “Alright. We do the surgeries today. We need to be able to prove to the government that you aren’t shifters by the end of the week.”

Eren and Armin nodded in unison. Levi felt an odd sinking feeling in his gut. Something just felt… Wrong. It felt very, very wrong. Turning on his heel, he strode from the room without another word, trying to suffocate down the feeling.

“Everything is going to be fine,” he whispered to himself once he had returned to his quarters. “It’s going to be _fine_.”

``~`**`~``

Levi sat in his quarters, just about ready to hit his head on his desk. It had been a month and a half since the surgeries and he had steered clear of the former shifters. That feeling in his gut hadn’t gone away and Levi didn’t want to know if it had been right. Hanji, oddly, hadn’t said anything about it except that they had survived and that they weren’t shifters anymore, nor had anyone else. If he thought about it, it was weird that Hanji hadn’t ran to him and rambled about how awesome it was to perform a surgery like the ones she had, but Levi wasn’t complaining.

However, the sheer boredom of being stuck in an office with _no purpose_ was going to be the death of him. In fact, if something interesting didn’t happen by the end of the day, Levi was tempted to stage an elaborate scene of murder pinning his death on govermnent agents before killing himself and then watching and laughing at the ensuing chaos from the afterlife.

“Levi!” Hanji burst into his office and he almost jumped at the sudden break of maddening silence. Almost.

“What?” Levi demanded, trying to cover his shock.

“I need your help,” Hanji flopped down in one of the chairs by Levi’s desk.

“With what?” Levi raised an eyebrow. Maybe his prayers for something interesting had finally been answered. At this point, he’d even take Hanji’s crazy shit.

“Okay, now, hear me out,” Hanji held up her hands. “I need you to be a personal caretaker.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Levi crossed his arms. There was no way that he was going to be some old fart’s caregiver, or a fucking toddler. He shivered in disgust at the idea.

“Hear me out,” Hanji repeated. “He’s going to be so pissed that I came to you. The only thing he said since the surgery was ‘don’t tell the captain, I don’t want him to see me like this’--well he wrote it down actually, but that’s not important--he doesn’t know you’ve been demoted, by the way. I didn’t want to tell him what you gave up for him, that’s yours to tell or not, but he’s driving people away left and right. No one will look after him anymore and he has meds to take and he can’t cook or anything really by himself, he can’t really be left alone and something went wrong, something got crossed, he’s mute so he wouldn’t even be able to call for help if something did happen. Levi, you’re the only one with enough time and who won’t run away screaming if he throws something at you. I don’t know what else to do--”

“Hanji, slow the fuck down,” Levi growled. “I lost you somewhere in there, you were speed rambling again. Who are you talking about and what do you want me to do?”

“Eren,” Hanji sighed. “There… There were complications after his surgery. He…” Hanji’s shoulders slumped and she stared down at the ground.

“You told me the surgeries were successful!” Levi spat, leaping to his feet.

“They were!” Hanji defended, but then she slumped back down. “I got all of the titan out and Armin is pretty much fine. Eren though… There was so much, Levi, and I… I think I broke him. I messed up.” The last words were almost a whisper.

Levi sank slowly back down into his chair. The guilt and pain on Hanji's face was so intense that he himself felt like it was weighing him down. "What exactly is wrong with him?"

"He's mute and his limbs won't work right. They don't go the way he wants them to, so he can barely walk or lift things or… do most daily activities. He struggles with eating, bathing, cooking, cleaning, you name it, he can barely do it. He needs someone to help him. He's… hes so _angry,_ Levi. Not at us, but at himself and you can _see_ how badly he wants to scream but he _can't_ and it just explodes into violent outbursts at the nearest person. He tried to stab a young woman who was supposed to look after him. Thank god he couldn't get his arm to swing right so he missed," Hanji sighed and scrubbed her hands over her face. "All of the people we tried to employ ended similarly."

"What about Mikasa?" Levi asked, slowly.

"Eren won't even let her in the house," Hanjo replied. "When she tried to force her way in, he held a knife to his own neck until she left."

"And you think he's going to let me within ten yards of the place?" Levi sounded skeptical. "After he specifically told you not to even tell me about his condition. The kid hates me."

"He absolutely does not," Hanji objected. 

"You have no idea the lengths he went to keep his distance from me, Hanji. For _nine_ _years_. There's no way he's going to let me look after him," Levi sighed.

"Well, there's no one else!" Hanji exclaimed. "Please, Levi, I need you. _Eren_ needs you."

Levi leaned back in his chair. This had all been for Eren, hadn't it? He could do another thing for him. Always, anything for Eren, even if the man himself didn't want Levi there. "Alright. Alright, I'll do it."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, in case it wasnt readily apparent, I've been listening to Elastic Heart by Sia on repeat while writing this. That song really channels Levi's mind in this fic. Why he turned down Eren nine years ago, why hes so closed off, why hes struggling. If you have a moment, definitely listen to it and really listen to the lyrics. It tells a lot.

Only shortly after his meeting with Hanji, levi found himself standing on the front porch of the little house that Hanji had set up for Eren. She had told him that there were three bedrooms in it, so he could pick whichever one he wanted other than the one that Eren was using. It was all on one floor, too, so Eren wouldn’t have to tackle stairs. Levi’s job was to cater to Eren’s daily needs. Feed him, bathe him, dress him, help him get from one room to another, anything he needed, Levi had to be there. He already knew that Eren would hate it, even without the prior evidence of him chasing away his previous caretakers.

Opening the door with the key that Hanji hand given him, he looked around curiously, almost immediately wrinkling his nose in disgust. The place was trashed, which… Well, if Levi really thought about it, made sense. Hanji had said that Eren was angry these days and an angry Eren tended to be destructive and if Levi was going to have to bathe and dress him, it was doubtful that he could clean up. The man himself was nowhere in sight, but it was still early so Levi set to work, cleaning steadily through the house from the front door toward the back of the house where the bedrooms were.

Sometime later, Levi was still on his knees, picking up some shattered glass in the living room, that if he had to guess he would have assumed used to be a cup, when a series of loud thuds echoed down the hall from the bedrooms. Levi looked over his shoulder, assuming that was as good an announcement as any that Eren was awake.

He moved down the hallway and peered into the room the sound had come from, finding Eren on the ground, hitting the floor with a look of pure rage on his face, his fist jerking in different directions before making contact with the hardwood. He faltered slightly when his eyes landed on the bright pink surgery scar that marred the back of the brunette’s neck. It was so odd to see Eren’s skin scarred, but now that he wasn’t a shifter anymore, the healing that had come with it must be gone as well, he realized. Levi crossed his arms at the scene, shaking off his knee-jerk shock. “If you’re quite done with your temper tantrum, I’ll take you to the bathroom to get cleaned up and then make you something to eat.”

Eren’s head jerked up, but it took him several tries to actually look at Levi. His eyes were wide with shock for a few seconds, but then his face contorted in a snarl. Levi nearly flinched at the rage on the brunette’s face. Hanji had said that Eren was mainly angry at himself, but Levi could see that it was also directed at him, not that he would blame him for it. Levi was probably the last person in the universe that Eren wanted to see.

Eren’s lips were moving, but no sound was coming out of his mouth, his hands making rough, sporadic movements that only half portrayed Eren’s intent, but Levi got the message loud and clear. _Get out_.

Levi crossed his arms. “You chased away everyone else so now you’re stuck with me, stop being a shit and let me help you to the bathroom.”

Eren fought him tooth and nail, flailing fists making surprisingly good connections, but Levi dragged him to the bathroom despite it. In the end, he just tossed the other man into the shower and turned it on without any preamble. Crossing his arms over his chest, Levi observed Eren silently glaring at the water while scooting to the other side of the shower and tugging on his now wet clothes. Sighing, Levi pulled his cravat off and folded it neatly before his shirt met the same fate. After a second of hesitation, Levi’s pants went, too, and then he was climbing into the shower alongside Eren, pulling his arms up over his head and stripping him out of his wet sleep shirt and then doing the same to his bottoms. He was at least not fighting him anymore, though now it was like he was a lifeless doll, letting Levi move his limbs around. Very pointedly not looking between Eren’s legs where Levi was currently getting a full salute, he grabbed a bar of soap and lathered it in his hands.

“Look, Eren, you’re going to have to figure out how to communicate with me how much of this you can do and how much I have to help you with. I didn’t even know about your situation until this morning, so to say I’m coming in blind is an understatement. I’m not going to run away, but I would appreciate if you didn’t fucking punch me anymore. That shit hurts and it’s only going to piss me off, not make me leave, so cut it the fuck out.”

Eren wrapped his arms around his torso and turned away, pouting. Levi growled in frustration and did the only thing he could think to. He started to aggressively wash the other. “Why are you being difficult?” he snarled. “Yeah, nothing about this is ideal, but at least you’re fucking alive. That was the other side of this coin, you shit. You would have been dead and do you know how many people would have given anything to have this? How many people would give anything to have a loved one in this state as long as it meant that they were still in this world? So pull yourself together and stop being a brat!”

Eren reached out and, at first, Levi thought he was going to push him away, but he laid his hand on Levi’s arm and looked at him with sad eyes, those stupid eyes always said more than Eren’s words could and the raven was suddenly hit with what he had just said. Levi studied his face for a moment and then pulled his arm away, plopping down on the floor of the shower across from Eren, studying his knees. “Shut up, you shit. I wasn’t… I didn’t mean myself, but yes, there are people I would give anything to have back, but I have you like this so stop being a whiny little kid about it and thank whatever it is you worship that you’re still breathing. It could have been worse. So much worse.”

Eren reached out again and laid his hand on Levi’s knee. The motion seemed smoother this time and Levi narrowed his eyes at the hand. He looked up at Eren, and his lips were moving again, despite the fact that when he was done, his face twisted in frustration.

“Try again, but slower. Enunciate so I can read your lips,” Levi sighed.

_You wish the Commander was like this, don’t you?_

Levi closed his eyes after reading the words off Eren’s lips. He tilted his head back under the spray of the shower for a few moments before looking at Eren. “Yeah, Eren, I do. I would have given… Anything. But Arlert was the right choice at the time. Now rinse yourself off so we can get you dressed and get some food in you.”

_Okay._

The rest of the shower went by silently. Levi stepped out of the shower and redressed himself, removing his wet underwear before pulling his pants back on and making a trip to Eren’s bedroom to get him some fresh clothes. Dressing the brunette saw him behaving like a doll again, sitting perfectly still on the toilet while letting his limbs be limp and useless while Levi did all the work. Once he was done, Levi looked over Eren contemplatively.

“Are you going to hit me again if I carry you, or are you going to let me do what I’m here for?” He asked finally.

 _I can walk_.

“Can you?” Levi looked skeptical. “Because I believe I walked in on you losing a fight with the floor earlier.”

Eren glared at him and his lips moved faster than Levi could catch. He crossed his arms. “Slower, dumbass. I’m not an expert at this.”

Eren huffed out a sigh, but repeated himself. _I said, you’re not my captain anymore. I’m not a soldier, you can’t just be an asshole and expect me to just take it._

Levi looked away and sighed. “I’m no one’s captain anymore. This is just my personality.”

Eren’s eyes widened and Levi could see the question in his eyes without having to have it mouthed at him. “It doesn’t matter why, but that’s why I have time to be here. You’re stuck with me. I’m not going anywhere any time soon.”

Eren looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but instead he just held his arms out and allowed Levi to scoop him up and carry him into the kitchen where Levi swiftly placed him into a kitchen chair before going to the pantry and studying its contents. “Eggs, potatoes and bacon sound about right?”

Eren nodded and Levi set about making them something to eat. Once it was done, he set a plate in front of Eren and the younger man just stared at his utensils for a few moments before looking up at Levi apologetically and then picked up a handful of eggs and shoved it in his mouth after missing twice, hitting himself in the face with the food.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Levi looked at him in disgust.

Eren pointed four small, round scars on his hand and mouthed, _last time._

Levi sighed and ran his hand down his face. “Alright, open up, kid.”

He scooped a forkful of potato and egg up and held it out for Eren. When Eren just stared at him like he was crazy, Levi glared. “This is why I’m here. Hanji told me I would have to feed you, but I didn’t realize she meant this as well as cooking. Now open your damn mouth.”

Eren glared right back at Levi for a few moments and then grudgingly opened his mouth. Levi fed him his whole plate before eating his own, Eren watching him with curious eyes while Levi mused to himself about ways he could make eating easier for Eren. He was sure that being fed by his former commanding officer wasn’t a favorable choice. There had to be a way for Levi to make it easier for Eren without making Levi have to watch him grab handfuls of food that was never meant to be eaten that way. When he finished, Levi stood and took both of their plates to the sink, aware of Eren’s eyes still on him. “What?” He muttered.

He looked back at Eren finally and the other man shrugged slightly. Levi turned back to the washing before speaking again. “Hanji said she was coming by later, by the way. Not sure exactly when, though.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Levi saw Eren nod. Once the washing was done, Levi held out a hand to Eren. “You say you can walk, show me. I have to finish cleaning the living room and it would be easier if you’re in there with me.”

Eren studied his hand for a few moments before reaching out to take it. On the first try, Eren’s fingers brushed Levi’s elbow. The second hand them hit Levi in the side with a dull thud and it was all he could do not to flinch from the force of the blow. At least it wasn’t on purpose this time, he mused. On the third attempt Eren managed to grip his forearm before letting go, a look of frustration on his face. The fourth try hand his fingers wrapping around Levi’s wrist and before Eren could pull away and try again, he rotated his hand in the hold, taking Eren’s wrist as well and hauling him to his feet.

Eren stood there for a few moments, still gripping Levi’s wrist, probably tighter than he needed to, and then he took a slow, careful step. His hand tightened on Levi’s wrist further and his brow furrowed in concentration as he took another step, and then another. It was slow and clear that it was taking all of Eren’s concentration. The grip on his wrist was painful, but Levi didn’t complain. He just walked next to Eren at the same speed as the former shifter, allowing him to take whatever support he needed from him. It took them almost fifteen minutes to make it from the kitchen to the living room, a short distance that Levi could have carried Eren in less than thirty seconds, but when they made their way to the couch and Eren flopped down on it, he looked up at Levi with such pride in his eyes that Levi couldn’t help but give him a tiny smile.

“You did good, kid,” he said fondly and reached out to ruffle Eren’s hair, which earned him another whack to the side.

Rubbing the spot with a frown, Levi glared at Eren. “You’re going to fuck up my kidneys if you keep hitting me there, you shit. I was complimenting you.”

Eren’s face twisted with something that looked like guilt and Levi sighed. “I get it. You can’t control how hard you swing, either, right? And I suppose it’s natural for you to want to hit me.”

Levi turned away and knelt on the floor to resume his cleaning. “I’m actually surprised that this is what it took for you to start actually doing it. I thought that you’d have punched me before now, to be honest.”

He didn’t look at Eren to give him a chance to respond. Instead he just continued his monologue and cleaned. “I bet I’m the last person you wanted here. I’m aware of that, but I’m the only one who has the time and won’t be scared off by your shit now, so you’re going to have to get used to seeing me everyday again,” Levi paused, contemplating if he should admit out loud that he had missed spending time with Eren. At this point, he didn’t really know if it would make the brunette happy or piss him off and Levi wasn’t really looking forward to being punched again. Luckily, the decision was taken from him when the sound of the front door opened and Hanji called out a greeting to them.

“Living room,” Levi called back.

Hanji appeared moments later and blinked owlishly at them, Levi standing, dusting off his knees while wrinkling his nose in disgust while Eren sat calmly on the couch. “Wow,” Hanji said. “He’s not trying to murder you. I’m impressed.”

“We’re at least partially past that, isn’t that right, Eren?” Levi looked at Eren and the other just shrugged a little bit. Levi rolled his eyes. “Wonderful.”

“Well, that’s good! I have some ideas about ways we can make communication easier for you, Eren, so why don’t we head to the kitchen where the table is?” Hanji grinned.

Levi held out his hand to Eren as he had before, but this time he narrowed his eyes before Eren reached for him. “Watch the kidneys, kid. I’m not looking to be pissing blood today.”

Eren glared at him and reached out, but his aim was so far off that he ended up hitting Levi square in the chest with enough force that he doubled over from the blow, coughing. It took him a moment to realize that one had been on purpose. “Fuck you,” Levi hissed as he gasped for breath. For someone who couldn’t really control his limbs, Eren had landed that hit perfectly on his diaphragm, stealing Levi’s breath from his lungs. He took comfort in the fact that there was no way that Eren had actually been aiming for that, because if he had he wouldn’t have hit it, but that didn’t mean that Levi actually felt alright.

When he finally managed to catch his breath again, Levi grabbed Eren by the arm, hauled him to his feet and then lifted him by the waist and hurled him over his shoulder and marched to the kitchen before literally throwing him into a chair. Levi crossed his arms and glared right back at Eren’s intense stare. “Yeah, fuck you, you piece of shit. I told you, stop fucking hitting me. I told you it was just going to piss me off. I don’t give a fuck, either you don’t fucking hit me and you get to have some freedom or you do and I’ll just cart you around like a sack of potatoes and throw you where you need to be. Calm the fuck down, I’m getting real tired of the fists.”

Eren slid down in the chair with a pout on his face. Levi huffed and sat down across from him. “Stop looking like a chastised child. It’s common courtesy not to punch the person who is trying to help you out.”

After a few moments, Eren sighed and looked back at Levi. _Sorry._

“I know,” Levi replied. “I know you didn’t mean to hit that hard, but it still made me mad.”

Eren nodded as Hanji thunked down some textbooks on the table. “While that was entertaining as hell, we have work to do,” she said.

Levi rubbed his chest, the pain of the blow he had received still present. “What are we doing?”

“Well, first, I have this,” Hanji pulled a board with letters out of her bag and held it out. “It’s supposedly for people trying to contact deceased loved ones, but I figured Eren might be able to point at letters to convey what he’s trying to say to us.”

Eren looked at the board with trepidation as Hanji set it in front of him. He reached out and pointed at a letter.

“Q,” Levi said. Eren shook his head and tried again.

“R,” Levi tried. Eren’s face contorted and the pointed a third time.

“T?” Hanji asked. Eren nodded and she pulled out a notebook and started to record the letters that Eren confirmed to be right.

“T-H-I-S-I-S-N-O-T-G-O-I-N-G-T-O-W-O-R-K,” Hanji spelled out once Eren had finished. “This is not going to work.” 

It had taken the better part of an hour to get all of those letters and Levi felt himself agreeing with the words that had been expressed. “I’d say so. That took forever. It’s easier to just read his lips at this point.”

Eren looked more pissed off than anything else. He grabbed the board after a few tries and then looked surprised when he ended up jerking it over his head. Once he had it though, he kind of shrugged and then chucked it across the room, and it clattered against the far wall, cracking down the middle on impact.

“Hey,” Levi stared after it with mild alarm on his face. “Calm the fuck down. I know it’s frustrating, but shit, can you stop with the messes I’m going to have to clean up?”

Eren turned to him and started talking fast and waving his hands around. Levi sighed. “Slow down, Eren. Unless you’re just pointlessly yelling at me again. If that’s the case then I just don’t care.”

Eren glared at him and Levi sighed before turning to Hanji. “Any other ideas?”

“A few,” Hanji confirmed. “But I need to make the other ones.”

Levi nodded. “Alright. Get on that.”

Eren suddenly started struggling, trying to bring himself to his feet. Without even thinking, Levi was in front of him, offering his hand to help him up. This time it only took two tries for Eren to latch on enough to be helped into a standing position. Levi let the other lead, being his support as he had been before, unsure of where they were going, until Eren brought them to the bathroom. Levi hesitated for a moment before glancing at the brunette that was still clinging to him.

“You have to go to the restroom?” He asked carefully.

Eren nodded, his cheeks flushing a bit. Levi gave his own sharp nod before helping Eren in and kneeling in front of him. “It’s probably best if you sit, no matter what…” He mused, undoing Eren’s pants and pulling them down to his ankles. Standing again, Levi guided Eren to sit on the toilet and stepped backwards. “Hit something when you’re done. I’m not going to stand here and watch you do your business.”

Eren nodded again, his face still flushed, his eyes stubbornly glued to the wall opposite the door. Levi retreated back to the kitchen, leaving the door cracked just slightly so he would be able to hear when Eren made it known he was finished with his business. Sinking down into a chair across from Hanji, he buried his head into his hands, elbows propped on the table.

“He hates me. He doesn’t want me here. He’s just been hitting me and fighting me on almost every turn. Why did you tap me for this? I’m not cut out for it. I don’t have the patience, the skill set or the knowledge to be qualified and Eren doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. He didn’t even want me to know about this.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Hanji objected. “Well, maybe, but he hates you less than everyone and everything else. He’s frustrated, Levi. He can’t communicate effectively and he can’t take care of himself. Eren, the man who’s stubbornness paved new paths to the future, who used nothing but his body and determination to lead us to victory. That man is an invalid. Of course he’s angry and lashing out. I’m sure you noticed, there was a point that he made the choice to stop relying on others and only put his faith in himself and now he doesn’t have that option anymore. However, despite what you think, you’re doing better than anyone else that has been in this house. He hits you, sure, but he hasn’t tried to kill you yet--or himself for that matter. That’s already better than all of your predecessors. I just watched him let you walk him to the bathroom. That is something I never thought I’d see. You’ve made a ridiculous amount of progress in less than a day.”

Levi sighed and stood, cleaning up the letter board that Hanji had brought and Eren had broken. “I still maintain that I don’t have the patience or skill to do this.”

Hanji shook her head. “You’re doing just fine. You know, the fact that he didn’t whip that board at us is also a small miracle. If it had been anyone else here but you, he probably would have. Tell me, Levi, have you told him why you’re here? Why you have the time to be his caretaker?”

“No,” Levi muttered, disposing of the board remains. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I think it does,” Hanji looked at him seriously. “You gave up your career for him. You said your reflexes aren’t as good, but why does that matter when we’ve won the war? You can’t tell me you hadn’t been itching to explore beyond the walls as much as the rest of us had.”

“I did what I needed to do,” Levi replied, crossing his arms. “For both him and Arlert.”

“You say that, but when you insisted you be the one to appeal the execution order, you didn’t mention Armin once. You spoke about Eren and his humanity. You don’t think I didn’t notice that you have feelings for him after all this time, do you?”

Levi looked out the kitchen window at the quaint little garden in the back of the house. It was overgrown, but Levi could see it would be beautiful with a little bit of work. He mentally added that to his list of chores. “I told you, it doesn’t matter, Hanji. Drop it.”

“What happened nine years ago?” Hanji pressed.

“I swear to god, I will physically throw you out of this house,” Levi growled, turning to face her. “You think that I can’t? I just carried that squirming man-child. You think I won’t toss you out?”

Hanji looked at him sadly. “He told you he loved you, didn’t he? And you turned him down because it was just after Erwin died and you were still mourning.”

“That’s it,” Levi hissed and stalked forward, but as he reached out to grab her, Hanji put her hands on his cheeks.

“It’s your second chance, sugarplum,” Hanji looked at him with such sadness. “Yes, he’s a little broken and I’ll never be able to apologize enough for that, I should have done better, but _he’s still here._ Do you know what I would give if I could have Mobilt back?”

Levi reeled back like he had been slapped. Hanji never talked about Mobilt. Once she had lost him, it was like he had never existed if you didn’t know how to look past her exuberance and see her broken heart. His death still haunted her, Levi knew. He was one of the few who had happened upon her looking at his old drawings, silent tears streaming down her face. He had held her when it had happened, an occurrence that they never spoke of again.

“Don’t give me one of your stupid pet names,” Levi muttered finally. 

“Levi--” Hanji started again.

“Just leave it,” Levi looked back towards the bathroom as there was a crash from the room. “That sounded heavier than an object. Don’t tell me the idiot tried to take care of himself…”

Rushing towards the bathroom, Levi swung the door open, only to be greeted by the sight of Eren sprawled out on the floor. “Seriously?” Levi raised an eyebrow.

Eren immediately turned even redder than he was and seemed to find the ceiling incredibly interesting. Levi squatted next to him and leaned over so he was in Eren’s line of sight. “What are you thinking, dumbass? I told you to call for me.”

Eren closed his eyes and swallowed thickly before his lips moved slowly. _You hate messes._

“Yeah,” Levi said softly. “I do. But I’ve always tolerated you just fine and you’re a chronic hot mess.”

Reaching out he gently ruffled Eren’s hair before hauling him into a standing position and helping him lean against the sink. “I know you hate this, even more because it’s me. I know it’s humiliating and you don’t want to need help, but you do. You need help and I’m here. I’m not going to judge you,” Levi’s words just got quieter the longer he spoke. “Just let me do what I’m here for.”

Levi cleaned Eren up and then washed his hands meticulously, pulled Eren’s pants up, washed each of Eren’s hands individually and then his own a second time. At some point throughout the process, Eren had started to watch him with a curious light in his eyes. Levi purposefully ignored it and let Eren grip his arm as they walked back into the kitchen.

“Everything okay?” Hanji asked kindly.

Eren looked away and Levi nodded. “What are you still doing here, anyway?”

Hanji shrugged. “Just wanted to make sure everything was alright. I’ll head out now, then. Levi, think about what I said.”

Levi clenched his fists. “I believe I told you to leave it.”

Hanji collected her things without another word, but she looked absolutely dejected. Eren looked between them with his head tilted as if he was asking what that was about.

“Don’t worry about it, kid,” Levi shook his head. “Now, we have quite a bit of cleaning to do. Let’s get to work.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which an awkward encounter happens, evasions are made and a truth comes out.

A few days had them carving out somewhat of a routine. Eren still fought Levi at seemingly random intervals, and his body was now littered with deep purple bruises from the frequently flying fists, but part of Levi was grateful for it. Eren fighting like this meant that he hadn't lost his spirit. When he went ragdoll and let Levi manipulate him, the raven found he hated every second. Eren was a fighter. He had always been one able to run on sheer determination alone. If punching the hell out of Levi was the only way he had left to show that fire, then Levi would let it go with minimal complaint. He did draw the line at his face, however. He had caught Eren's fist inches from smacking into his nose the day before and said with no uncertain terms that there would be repercussions for hitting him in the face. Eren had apologized, and Levi was pretty sure he hadn't been aiming for that, anyway.

Levi was also now the king of sandwiches. Every meal was slapped between two slices of bread and presented to Eren. When Eren had asked why, Levi had explained that sandwiches were meant to be eaten by hand. Eren could shove then in his face without utensils and it wouldn't offend Levi's hygienic standards.

“It’s a nice day,” Levi observed during breakfast--eggs on toasted slices of bread--and Eren nodded in agreement. “I want to clean out the garden in the back. Maybe make a nice place to relax. You’re going to help me.”

Eren tilted his head to the side and looked at Levi curiously. Levi shrugged. “You’d rather sit here and do nothing?”

Eren shook his head. Taking their emptied plates to be washed Levi nodded. “I didn’t think so. And it’s work that you can do. The yard is completely overrun with weeds, so I’m asking you to destroy. You’re good at that.”

When Levi turned back to Eren, the brunette was glaring at him. Levi crossed his arms and carefully stayed out of arm’s reach. “Don’t look at me like that, I would have said that a year ago, as well.”

_ Would you have? _

Levi blinked at the question. What did Eren mean by that?

_ Because a year ago you weren’t talking to me at all _ .

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “And you weren’t talking to me, either.”

Eren’s brow furrowed up and he grimaced. Levi couldn’t really tell what the reaction was to, but Eren was clearly done talking as he turned back to the table and glared at it with clenched fists. Levi studied him for a few moments, wondering if he should poke that particular hornet’s nest just now. He opened his mouth, ready to address the proverbial elephant in the room, but he found his brain coming to a screeching halt. Levi  _ didn’t want  _ to talk about what happened nine years ago. He  _ didn’t want _ to know about how Eren had moved on after Levi’s all too rude rejection. He  _ didn’t want  _ to know about how Eren had started hating him and that realization made Levi weak in the knees. Maybe… Maybe he had always known it, but he never even admitted it to himself. He leaned heavily against the counter, supporting his body with his arms now that his legs seemed to have taken a siesta.

Because Levi  _ cared.  _ He cared so much about what Eren was thinking, about how Eren viewed him, about how Eren felt about him. He cared more than anyone who had pushed another person away as hard as he had should care. No, it wasn’t him who had put the distance between them, but when Eren had, Levi hadn’t fought it. In fact, originally, Levi had thought that it was a good thing. That this way he neither of them would end up any more hurt than they already were. How Levi wished he had fought it now. A memory from nine years ago clawed its way out of the recesses of his brain and Levi was remarkably proud that he didn’t slide down to the kitchen floor right then and there.

_ “Ah, Jaeger, right on time as always,” Levi hummed as the door to his office opened at 6:30 sharp like every night before it. He hadn’t been entirely sure that Eren would turn up after their exchange earlier in the day, but he felt a wave on unmistakable relief wash over him now that he had. _

_ Levi had a habit of working straight through dinner to get all of his paperwork done and Eren would bring a tray of food to him every night before sitting across from him at the desk and helping Levi with the papers until they were finished. After, they would often indulge in chess and tea or Eren would pick a book from Levi’s meager collection and they’d sit together and read in front of the fireplace. _

_ “I’m ready to be locked up, Sir,” Eren’s voice spoke, devoid of any emotion. Levi had barely managed to keep his head from shooting up. Instead, he raised it slowly and observed Eren staring resolutely at the wall somewhere about Levi’s head. No tray in his hands, no smile on his face, no friendly greeting or cheerful ‘what are we working on tonight, Sir?’. Just Eren, very carefully not looking at Levi. _

_ Eren had never asked to be locked up. In fact, he had taken up somewhat of a residence in Levi’s office after having begged for a few more minutes out of his cell. That was how their nightly routine had begun, after all. Levi had let him stay for a few extra minutes that had turned into an hour, then hours, then the whole night at times. Levi barely slept generally, but some of the best nights he had gotten were slumped over in his chair with his head on his desk, Eren stretched out on the couch in his office. _

_ Levi could do nothing but blink at him. “Excuse me?” _

_ “I’m ready to be locked up, Sir,” Eren repeated. _

_ All that relief that Levi had felt shattered. Eren was… Well, he was saying he would prefer to be shackled in the basement than spend another night in Levi’s company. The first thing that Levi felt was overwhelming guilt, swallowing him whole. Had he really hurt the teen that badly with his rejection? _

_ Doing the only thing he could think of, Levi covered the guilt with anger. “Well, it’s about time you stopped leeching off my hospitality.” He stood and grabbed the keys to Eren’s cell out of his desk drawer with a bit more aggression than necessary. _

_ He was decently certain that Eren muttered “what fucking hospitality” under his breath but then he nodded stiffly. “I apologize for the inconvenience, Sir. It won’t happen again.” _

After that night, unless they were on a mission, Eren spent every night in his cell. In fact, unless it was for orders, Levi no longer saw Eren at all and then the interactions were stiff and formal and just all around terrible. Levi had missed his quiet company. Now, he found him missing the occasional cheerful chatter that he had always glared away whenever Eren started up. He never realized that he would miss Eren’s voice now that it was gone.

“I missed you,” Levi whispered so quietly that he barely heard the words himself. Eren obviously hadn’t heard it as he continued to glare at the table like he was trying to burn holes in it with the intensity of his stare alone.

Finally, Levi managed to straighten up and he pushed the overwhelming emotions to the back of his mind. “Are you going to help me in the garden or not?”

Eren shrugged and still didn’t look up from his staring contest with the table.

“That’s not helpful,” Levi hissed. “Yes, or no.”

After a second, Eren nodded. Levi took a slow, deep breath and walked over to extend a hand to Eren. “Well, let’s go, then.”

The walk to the garden was slow, but Levi expected that by now. On his list of bruises was deep ones on his wrists and forearms from where Eren gripped him far too tightly, but he didn’t care. Eren was moving more and more easily every time they walked together this way. It didn’t matter, just like the rest of the bruises. Levi had caught the guilt in Eren’s eyes every time he stripped to bathe the brunette, but Levi had brushed it off every morning.

Once there he pointed to an overgrown flower bed. “Start there. Rip out all the weeds. Just toss them towards the middle of the yard, I’ll take care of them later.”

They worked side by side in silence for quite some time, Levi watching Eren out of the corner of his eye. At first, Eren’s movements were jerky and random, but the longer they worked on the mindless task, Levi could practically see Eren’s mind wander off as his eyes kind of glassed over and the movements became smoother. He hummed to himself, pleased. It looked like Hanji wasn’t the only scientist among them and his experiment had been a success. 

On Levi’s first day in this house, he had noted that occasionally Eren’s movements were smoother than others. He had first noticed in the shower when Eren had been concentrating on Levi’s face, on trying to comfort him, and his hand hand nearly flawlessly laid itself over Levi’s knee. The only real question was should he point it out. While it was something important--Eren wasn’t as bad as everyone thought he was--what good would it do? It wasn’t like Eren could just not concentrate on anything ever again. Arguably, it would have the reverse effect, making Eren concentrate on every action, rendering the point moot. 

They worked together for hours, clearing out the garden of weeds and as the sun started to sink low in the sky, Levi turned to Eren. “That’s enough for today. Let’s get some dinner and then head to bed.”

Eren nodded and they made their way back into the house. Levi made some chicken sandwiches and they sat together and ate in silence. About halfway through the meal, Eren started to nod off. By the time Levi had finished eating, Eren was all but sprawled out on the table, mostly asleep.

Levi snorted at the sight and cleaned their dishes without disturbing Eren. Once he was finished, he gently patted the brunette’s shoulder. “Hey, come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Eren huffed out a breath but didn’t really move otherwise. Levi shook his head and bent forward to wrap his arms around Eren’s waist so he could maneuver him into a better position to carry him. However, it seemed like Eren had other ideas. His sleepy limbs came out and wrapped around Levi like a koala, clinging on to him and Levi could do nothing but stare at the side of his head in shock as Eren nuzzled his face into his neck.

After a few moments Levi internally shrugged and scooped Eren up to carry him to the bedroom. It was slower than usual, the grip that Eren had on him made walking more difficult, and Levi’s eyes widened as he felt something hard pressing into his hip. He turned his head to try and look at Eren again as he felt the younger grind his hips against Levi’s and huff out a few more breaths into his neck.

“Eren,” Levi hissed. When there was no acknowledgement and Eren just kept up his movement, Levi hurried his steps towards the bedroom. Setting Eren down on the bed, he encountered his next problem. Eren wouldn’t let him go. In fact, Levi found himself being dragged down onto the bed with the other man.

“Eren!” Levi tried again as he attempted to pry Eren’s arms off of him, but the angle was awkward and he couldn’t get the proper leverage to pull him off without hurting him. After a little bit of struggling Levi sighed and relaxed back into the grip. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the insistent grinding into his hip. If he was being honest, he didn’t exactly mind, he could assume that Eren hadn’t gotten off since before his surgery and Levi wasn’t entirely opposed to being the tool used to make that happen, but he would prefer if Eren was conscious for it. No, maybe it was better this way. This way, Eren got his release and there wasn’t any awkwardness over the fact that they weren’t even friends anymore. If he wasn’t actually awake, Eren wouldn’t have to think about the fact that he hated Levi and just take what he needed.

Eren’s hot breath was panted into Levi’s neck, his lips open and brushing softly against his skin, forcing a shiver to run through Levi. Levi squeezed his eyes shut tighter as he lay there and let Eren use him. “Eren,” Levi said softly, turning in the grip and hissing softly as his own body was simulated into arousal by the touches. Stroking his fingers through Eren’s hair, he whispered it again. “Eren…” Levi was aware that he was breathless at this point, aware that he could probably get off like this, too, but he wouldn’t. It would be wrong to be awake and conscious of this happening and take advantage of it.

Gritting his teeth together as Eren’s movements became faster, Levi groaned softly and hid his face into Eren’s shoulder, fighting off the pleasurable feelings he got as a side effect. It only took a few more minutes for Eren’s body to go ridgid, and his arms to go slack around Levi. Levi shuddered as he felt Eren’s cock pulsing against his thigh and caught his own breath before wiggling out of the loosened grip.

Grabbing a dampened towel from the bathroom, Levi carefully stripped Eren and cleaned up the evidence before changing him into his pajamas. Standing in the doorway he looked over the sleeping form and sighed. “Good night, Eren,” he muttered and retreated to his own bedroom.

Sinking down onto his bed, Levi felt overwhelming guilt wash over him. Here he was, wide awake and hard as a rock after Eren had just gotten off using his body, completely unaware that it had happened. When Levi closed his eyes, he could almost feel the phantoms of Eren’s fingers tensing against his back was he searched for his release. Levi’s hand drifted downwards towards his arousal before he consciously stopped all movement. No. It was wrong. It was so wrong, Eren hated him for rejecting is confession, Eren didn’t even want him here but was stuck with him anyway, Eren was  _ disabled _ for fucks sake. This was the definition of taking advantage.

After a few minutes of being unable to calm down, Levi took a quick, freezing shower and then got himself ready for bed. He could deal with this guilt in the morning, after he found out if Eren remembered anything of this night. With that thought, Levi closed his eyes and forced himself to get at least a little bit of sleep.

``~`**`~``

The next morning, Eren woke in a better mood than he had been the entire time that Levi had been there. He didn’t lash out once during bathing, dressing or breakfast and Levi had begun to wonder if he remembered what happened the night before when Eren’s fingers tapped erratically on the table to get his attention.

_ Are we working outside again? _

Levi slowly nodded. “We can if you want to. There’s still a lot of work to be done out there.”

_ Good. I want to. I think it made me sleep better. I feel great today and that’s the only thing that’s different. _

Levi stood abruptly and took their plates to the sink. With his back to Eren, he choked out the only words he could think that wouldn’t give away his guilt. “I’m glad.”

Like a saving grace, the front door burst open and Hanji’s voice rang out. “Are you decent, boys?”

“Of course we are,” Levi grumbled as she made her way into the kitchen.

“Today, I have a few new ideas for communication!” Hanji said brightly, plopping down next to Eren at the kitchen table.

“I hope it’s better hand the board last time,” Levi replied, sinking down into his chair.

Eren tilted his head to the side as Hanji dug around in her bag, pulling out a white board and placing it in front of Eren. “Now, I have a few options, but this is the one that I’m the most hopeful for. It took me a while because I had to make it. It’s an invention I stumbled upon while I was making the thunder spears, but I filed it away for later because at the time it wasn’t important, but think of the practical applications for it! Oh my god, there’s so many things we could do with this technology I’ve stayed up some nights just thinking about it, but then I realized it might be able to be used to help out our dear Eren here, as well, so I went right into making it and I’m thinking it might just work and if it does then I can work on using it for other things because, really it’s just brilliant if I do say so myself--”

Levi cut her off. “Fucking hell, just breathe woman. You’re rambling again. What is this and how does it work. Slowly and in a way the idiots in the room can understand.”

Hanji smiled apologetically and then lifted the leather saddle bag she had in addition to her usual bag. “I call them magnets,” she said proudly and started pulling stacks out of the saddle bag. Each one seemed to be a little piece of metal with a neatly written word or letter on it. Knowing how bad Hanji’s hand writing was, Levi couldn’t imagine how long she had sat there and painstakingly written on each piece so it was legible.

“Connie and Sasha helped me outfit this bag so it had enough pouches that you could organize these bits any way you want them and you can strap it on to carry around. The board fits inside as well,” Hanji explained.

“I don’t understand,” Levi leaned forward, picking up one of the pieces of metal that said ‘eat’ on it when he caught the look of confusion on Eren’s face. “How does it work?”

“Well, that’s the fun part,” Hanji grinned and took ‘eat’ from Levi’s hands and then dropped it on the board, picked up the board and turned it upside down. The word stuck. Both Levi and Eren marveled, though Levi’s was more internal than Eren’s. “So, as long as he gets the letters on, Eren can just slide them around until they make words and sentences. And when you’re done with them, they come right off,” Hanji beamed.

Eren dumped a handful of letters onto the board and chewed on his lip as he tried to line them up. It took him a few minutes to get them close enough together to be legible, and they were still a bit wonky, but Levi could read the words clearly.  _ This is awesome _ . 

The corners of Levi’s lips twitched into a small smile. “It definitely is. You invented this, Hanji?”

Hanji nodded and beamed. “I’m going to put it to use in other places as well, but I’m glad it’s working for Eren.”

Glanced at Eren and noted him struggling to form a new sentence. He sent a meaningful look to Hanji, his eyes shooting to Eren, before speaking. “Eren and I have been cleaning out the garden in the back. Isn’t that right, brat?”

Eren’s head shot up and he nodded, looking a little surprised. His hands on the board slowed, but didn’t stop as the movements smoothed out, his concentration transferring to Levi. “I was thinking of building something back there that Eren could relax in. Do you have any opinions, Eren? Because we can make Hanji order the materials for us, so now would be the time.”

Eren tilted his head to the side and seemed to think about it for a few moments before he shrugged. “Alright,” Levi nodded. “What are you trying to tell us?”

Eren looked back down at the board as if he had forgotten it was there and turned it around to face them. The letters were in a surprisingly straight line, forming a few sentences.  _ Thank you for this Hanji. It’s amazing and super helpful, especially because Captain keeps complaining about how fast I talk. I think he struggles to read my lips most of the time. _

“You’re welcome, Eren,” Hanji smiled warmly.

At the same time, Levi snorted. “I told you, I’m no one’s captain anymore.”

“Speaking of that,” Hanji turned to Levi. “I need you to file a report to the government about our upcoming expedition.”

Levi frowned. “I’m out of the loop. I don’t even know what to tell them.”

“I’ll get you the relevant paperwork. I’m sorry to do this to you, but they’re watching you closely,” Hanji sighed softly. “I don’t want you to lose your position, not after you already threw yourself to their mercy once for us. It’s like they’re desperate to get rid of you.”

“It’s fine,” Levi sighed. “I told you, I was just doing what was needed of me.”

_ What are you talking about? _

Levi stared at the board that had been thrust into his face. “Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Eren frowned and crossed his arms. Hanji, however, damn near burst. “You haven’t told him yet?”

Levi glared at her. “Shut it, Hanji. I told you, it doesn’t matter.”

_ What doesn’t matter? _

“Nothing,” Levi repeated stubbornly.

Eren stood abruptly, knocking his chair to the floor, as well as quite a few of his little metal letters and words. His hand swung out wildly until it finally latched onto Levi’s arm, tugging him roughly forward. Eren’s lips were moving again, too fast for Levi to catch, but he could imagine what was being said with how angry Eren looked.

“No, it’s none of your business,” Levi shook his head and turned his head so he couldn’t see Eren’s frantically moving lips. The same lips that had been pressed to his throat last night were silently attempting to spit vitriol at Levi, most likely about how he hated to be left in the dark about things, about how if it involved him in any way then he deserved to know.

Because of how hard Levi was studying the cabinets in his refusal to look at Eren, the fist connecting to his jaw came out of nowhere. His eyes widening, Levi swung back without thinking, knocking Eren on his ass.

“Levi!” Hanji exclaimed.

“Fuck,” Levi gasped out, his hand cupping his own sore jaw. “Fuck. Are you okay? Shit. I told you I wasn’t cut out for this. I told you that I shouldn’t be here.” Levi turned to Hanji, and he knew she could read the panic in his eyes.

A hand shot out and latched onto Levi’s pant leg. He turned back to Eren to see that he had flug his body out sideways so he could reach Levi and now he was looking up at him with big, scared eyes and his lips moved slowly.  _ Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. _

As the brunette repeated the words over and over Levi squatted down on the floor. “Cut it out. I shouldn’t have… Fuck, Eren, are you alright? I’m not mad, it was an instinctual reaction. It’s not your fault, stop apologizing.”

Eren seemed to relax a bit, his hand loosening its grip on Levi’s pants. Hanji crossed her arms. “And if you had just told him, none of it would have happened.”

“And if you’d kept your fucking mouth shut, it wouldn’t have even been an issue,” Levi shot back with a glare.

Hanji threw her hands up in the air and Eren tugged on Levi’s pants and looked like he wanted to ask again before he snapped his mouth shut and held out his arms for Levi to help him up. Levi sighed, hoisted Eren up onto his feet and settled him back into his chair before sinking into his own.

“I appealed the execution order before the government,” he said once they were both finally settled again.

Eren tilted his head to the side in confusion. Hanji huffed in exasperation. “And? He knew that part already.”

“Well, if you’re so keen, then you tell him,” Levi spat.

“Levi appealed the order to buy me time to find you a cure, we told you that before. What we didn’t tell you is that in order to get that time, Levi offered himself up as a replacement. They stripped him of his title and status and stuck him in a terrible little desk job to wither away in. That’s why he can be here with you, he has nothing else to be doing like the rest of us who are preparing for an expedition. Levi isn’t allowed to go,” Hanji explained.

Levi stood and turned his back on them. “You’re making it sound more dramatic than it is,” he growled out, busying himself with cleaning down one of the counters so he wouldn’t have to look at either of them.

“Levi,” Hanji said softly after a few minutes.

“What?” Levi muttered.

“Eren’s trying to tell you something,” Hanji replied.

Levi turned around to see the white board being held up.  _ Thank you. You gave up your life for mine and now you’re stuck here, looking after me. Thank you, but why? _

Levi blinked a few times. “Because…” Levi looked away for a few moments before shrugging. “Because I never got a chance to thank you for saving my life so I gave you it instead.”

Eren appeared to struggle with that information. After a few seconds, he pushed the letters around on his board and then turned it back to Levi.  _ A simple thank you would have been enough _ .

“Yeah, well, now we’re stuck like this. Deal with it,” Levi shrugged and looked away. “It doesn’t matter. I would do it again if I needed to.”

When he looked back, Eren was looking at him with such soft eyes that Levi couldn’t look at him for long. Glancing out the window into the backyard he spoke without really thinking about it. “What about a porch with a swinging bench?”

Both Hanji and Eren looked confused and Levi snorted in amusement. “For the yard.”

Hanji looked at him dryly. “Smooth. I’ll put in an order for the materials.”

Levi gave a short nod of acknowledgement. “We should get to work before the hottest part of the day.”

Eren nodded and held out his hand for Levi to help him up. Hanji laughed softly. “I should get back to the base. I’ll get that paperwork to you, Levi.”

Levi didn’t even look at her as he hauled Eren to his feet. “Alright. I can probably swing by and pick it up this afternoon.”

“Okay, see you then!” Hanji said cheerfully and bounded out of the house, leaving Levi and Eren alone again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Hanji is annoyingly optimistic and observant, Eren is insecure and Levi allows a small confession.

When Eren opted for a nap in the afternoon, Levi headed over to the base. Striding down the halls, it was like there had been no rank lost. The younger soldiers all stuttered out respectful greetings and scurried out of his way as he made his way to the commander’s office, despite the fact that they were all technically soldiers of the same status now. Internally, Levi smirked, knowing that the government’s efforts to stifle his influence had been in vain, even if he thought that it was ridiculous that he had any. To Levi, he was still the misplaced thug from the underground, who was given a uniform and told to play soldier. A wild card who did what he thought was right, what he wanted, when he wanted it. However, to mostly everyone else he was a war hero, someone closer to god than man who had fought on the front lines for more years than he’d like to count. A man who was to be so feared that the government had tried to shuffle him away into irrelevance.

Knocking once on Hanji’s door before swinging it open, he caught her slamming a drawer shut. Narrowing his eyes, Levi carefully closed the door behind him. “You were looking at them again.”

Hanji sniffled and did her best to give Levi a bright smile. “Hold on, I have those papers for you.”

“Hanji,” Levi stepped forward, but hesitated before committing to his words. “Why do you torture yourself like that?”

Hanji’s hands stilled from where they were rifling through some papers on her desk. Her voice came out bright and cheerful, but the question she asked was pointed and if Levi didn’t know better, he’d say he’d felt a physical blow behind them. “I don’t know, Levi, why do you let your ghosts shackle you to the past?”

He clenched his teeth together. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hanji slowly turned to look at him. “I’ve known you for a long time. I watched you lose lovers. Early on, I didn’t know you well enough to comfort you over Farlan, but I could see that you were mourning. When You started loving Erwin, I could see that, too. I know that it had to be a secret, but those of use who knew were happy for you. You were  _ happy _ again, but you lost him, too. And now I’m looking at you, and you have another chance to be happy. You have the option, and you’re running from it. I knew, when you said nine years ago that you had turned him down because Erwin’s death was still fresh, but it’s been nearly a decade. Stop running. Let that boy love you.”

Levi sighed heavily. “Just give me the papers.”

“No!” Hanji slammed her hands down on the desk, scattering papers everywhere. Levi cringed at the mess created. “Not until you actually talk to me about this! You can’t keep everything bottled up inside and carry it all on your own. You’ve done enough by yourself, sweetpea. Let me be your anchor now.”

Crouching down to scoop up some of the wayward papers, Levi studied the floor. “I thought I told you not to give me one of your stupid pet names.”

“Levi,” Hanji leaned forward over the desk, dropping more papers onto his head. “What happened nine years ago.”

“Exactly what you think happened,” Levi threw the papers he had collected into her face. “What do you want me to tell you, you nosy hag? I had a teenager confess to having a schoolyard crush on me and I turned him down, destroying any chance of any type of relationship between us, including the friendship we had been nurturing. Yes, I was mourning Erwin. Yes, I miss that big blonde bastard even now, but I do not regret saying no to Eren. He was 16 for fucks sake. I was more than twice his age. Do you not realize that the man in that house is 25 years old and I’m getting dangerously close to 50? How long until you have to get someone to look after both of us because I’m just as disabled as he is? What kind of life is that? Yeah, sure, let me let him in, let him love me just so he can watch me get old and die while he’s still a young man? And before you tell me to stop worrying about ages, that’s not all. I had good reasons for turning him down all those years ago and while some of them don’t matter anymore, I absolutely refuse to take advantage of someone who cannot tell me if he doesn’t like what I’m doing. But even more than that, he hates me, Hanji. No matter what you say,  _ he hates me _ . There is nothing I can do about that. Stop trying to make this into something it’s not.”

“Dangerously close to 50,” Hanji snorted. “You don’t actually know that.”

“You’re the one that decided how old I am,” Levi shot back.

“It was an educated guess. You could be not even 40,” Hanji shook her head. “You’re the one who told me that you didn’t know how old you were because of not really knowing how time passed in the underground.”

“Regardless, there are a lot of years between Eren and myself,” Levi replied. “It’s safe to assume that were about right when you decided I was in my 20’s when I joined the corps.”

“But Levi, you look almost exactly the same, you freakishly unaging imp,” Hanji cried joyfully. “You could have been a teenager for all we know!”

“You know, I think I preferred sugarplum,” Levi deadpanned. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. It’s never going to happen.”

“Do you not want it to?” Hanji asked, her tone dropping into seriousness.

Levi didn’t answer, just finished picking up all of the papers that had fallen and placed them in a neat stack on Hanji’s desk. “Just give me what I need to write that report,” he said finally.

Pulling open one of the drawers on her desk, Hanji held out a stack of papers. “That was an interesting discovery you made, by the way.”

“What?” Levi took the papers and narrowed his eyes slightly.

"You distracted Eren while he was working on making words and they came out much neater," Hanji elaborated.

Levi nodded. "It's something I've noticed. If he's not paying attention, the jerkiness smooths out, at least mostly. It's as if the more he concentrates on a motion the more flailing he does. I don't know what to do with that information, though. I've just been trying to keep him distracted."

"I'm sure that's a tall order for you," Hanji said, flipping through the stack of papers that Levi had picked up.

"Excuse me?" Levi raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, if Eren doesn't want to have anything to do with you, I'm sure getting him to engage with the least talkative man on the planet is difficult," Hanji crossed her arms. "Or maybe, your evaluation is off."

"Why do you keep trying to have this conversation? I'm not talking about this anymore," Levi growled in frustration. "We were victims of poor timing. At the time he confessed, he couldn't have been the love that lasts and my rejection ruined any chance. Done."

"Oh, honeybun," Hanji sighed out, her eyes softening.

"What?" Levi narrowed his eyes for a moment before they widened as he realized what words had come out of his mouth. "No. You heard nothing, do you understand me, shitty glasses? Nothing."

"Nope, nothing," Hanji agreed on another breathy sigh. She agreed entirely too easily for Levi's liking. Hanji never agreed to stop picking away at Levi's life unless she was plotting something.

Levi glared at her but she still just stared back, looking like a fat cat who had caught a canary. Levi hated it because he had no idea what would come next. Instead of a line of futile questioning, knowing Hanji could be shockingly tight lipped about things when she wanted to be, he waved the papers she had given him towards her. "I'll have that report to you by the end of the week. Eren will be waking up soon and I should be there to make sure he doesn't take himself out on the coffee table or something."

“You go on, I’ll be back some time next week to see you,” Hanji replied cheerfully.

Levi nodded and with one last suspicious glare, he headed out of the base and back to the house. He was barely in the door when he heard a thunk coming from Eren’s bedroom. Rolling his eyes, he was surprised to find Eren laying on the bed, a book laying splayed out on the floor by the door.

“You didn’t try to get up,” Levi couldn’t help the shock in his voice.

Eren glared at him and lifted his arms like a petulant child. Levi lifted Eren up and moved to set him on his own two feet, only to be stopped by clinging arms and legs. Levi froze, the similarities to the previous night screaming in his head.

“What are you doing?” Levi asked, his voice low and guarded.

Eren leaned back and shrugged.  _ Sore. Carry me. _

Levi snorted. “You’re a giant child,” he scoffed, but didn’t argue as Eren rested his chin on Levi’s shoulder. Instead, he carried Eren into the kitchen and set him gently on a chair.

Eren looked up at him once he was settled.  _ Hungry _ .

“Well, let’s make you something to eat,” Levi replied.

The atmosphere was one of comfortable silence, broken only by the sound of clattering kitchen utensils as Levi cooked and the soft click of Eren's magnetic letters on his board. If Levi didn't think about it too hard, he could pretend that it was a decade ago, preparing tea for the two of them after they completed Levi's paperwork for the night. Back when things were simple between them. Back when Levi could take comfort in knowing that Eren was with him, that their friendship was unshakable. If only he had known the future back then, that the careful friendship was easily breakable, that it would be destroyed by a confession and a rejection. If Levi had known what he knows now, he couldn't help but think that maybe he would have responded differently.

No, that was a lie. He wouldn't have. The timing all those years ago had been wrong and Levi didn't regret his choice back then, no matter how much he had missed Eren. But he also wished he hadn't missed out on nine years of the younger man's chatter now that he couldn't have it anymore. Perhaps, he could have been kinder in his rejection. Perhaps, he could have explained why to Eren. Maybe he could have let the brunette in.

Turning back around to face Eren, fully intending to finally apologize for how harsh he had been all those years ago, he was confronted with a white board dangerously close to his face.

_I'm sorry I hit you. Is your face okay?_ _Please don't let Hanji send someone else to take care of me. Everyone else treated me like I didn't even have a brain anymore._

Levi felt every inch of tension he didn't even know he had been holding bleed out of him as he reached out and pushed the whiteboard down to look Eren in the eyes. He could see the fear written all over the tanned face, those gorgeous green eyes averted. For half a second, Levi's body moved without his permission. His arms lifted, fully intending to pull the younger man into a hug and hold him, but he snapped out of it before contact could be made. Instead, Levi let one arm hang awkwardly in the air for a few seconds before dropping back to his side and the other raised further to pat Eren's head.

"You think Hanji is going to replace me? Is that why you wanted me to carry you around like a baby?" Levi teased softly. "I'm not going anywhere, brat. Who else would put up with your shit?"

Eren scrambled with the letters on his board, even as he unconsciously pressed his head further into Levi's palm. Levi didn't move it, just let the brunette have his way.

_ You said you weren't cut out for this and that you shouldn't be here, but you're the only one who believes I'm still in here. _

"I know you're still in there, and every time you haul off and slug me just proves it. If that fire that burns in you went out then I'd be concerned, but you're the same as you've always been. Just quieter," Levi replied. 

_ I bet you like that, huh? _

Levi studied the board for a few seconds before pushing it out of his line of sight. When he spoke again, his voice was soft and tinted with pain that he couldn't suppress. "No, Eren. I hate it more than you can ever know. Every night I lay awake and wonder if there was more of my life I could have given up that would have bought Hanji more time to get you a cure that didn't take your voice, your mobility, your career. I wonder if maybe if I had just offered them everything, allowed them to end me for good, would you have ended up in a better state? Every day I miss the sound of your voice and your laughter. I miss you asking me mundane questions until I told you to shut up. I…" Levi trailed off as Eren stopped looking at him with shock written all over his face and was messing with his board again.

_ I missed you, too, Captain. _

"For the third time, I'm no one's captain now," Levi huffed and turned away from the brunette, pulling the meal he had been cooking off the stove before reaching for the bread to turn it into a sandwich. When he finally turned around, the board was waiting for him again.

_ Calling you Levi feels wrong after _

There was no punctuation, no finish to the thought, just the board sitting there and Eren studying it furiously. 

Levi hesitated. Hesitated because he knew what came next. 'After you broke my heart.' 'After you ruined anything we could have had between us.' 'After you hurt me.' 'After you didn't even bother to fight for friendship.' Finally he put a plate in front of Eren. "Nice of Hanji to have premade a tile with my name. And that's what it is, Eren. My name. Levi. If you would prefer to use my station, soldier would be appropriate. My official position is Expeditions Overseer. That's all I am now."

_ You'll always be Captain Levi, no matter what the government says. If you don't believe me, ask any soldier. _

Levi sighed softly. "Maybe I'd rather just be Levi now. I'm tired, Eren."

Eren blinked at him for a few moments before biting his lip.  _ And yet, you're stuck taking care of me. _

"I don't mind looking after you," Levi muttered. "It's different than active duty."

Eren looked at Levi thoughtfully, but didn't pick up his board again. Instead, he attacked the meal Levi had made like he hadn't eaten in a month. Where Levi normally would have been disgusted, he barely managed to suppress a fond smile. Maybe, just maybe, Hanji was even a little bit right. Perhaps Eren didn't completely hate Levi, maybe they could be friends again. A man could hope, right? Hope. A feeling Levi hadn't allowed himself to indulge in since… well. Since Eren had stopped speaking to him, and yet, Eren had always been his hope. And no matter what anyone said, the reason for hope was still burning bright inside of Eren. One just had to look for it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren struggles, metaphors are made, Levi hurts and Hanji gets her crazy on... at least a little.

This living arrangement was a precarious balance, in Eren’s humble opinion. No matter what he tried, Levi seemed to flinch away from him if expecting the worst at every turn. Granted, Eren knew he wasn’t the easiest to deal with, especially these days, but Levi had never flinched away from Eren’s anger before. If nothing else, he was an expert at handling it. It was something else, something that Eren didn’t quite understand, something that almost felt like the heavy weight of guilt. 

Eren tried, because it was Levi, to reign in his rage. Levid didn’t deserve it, Levi deserved so much better than being stuck here with him. Levi deserved to be exploring the outside world with the rest of the survey corps, not stuck in a house with Eren, taking care of an invalid. Looking at the other man still hurt, but it was different than it used to be. The pain was a different one.

Nine years ago, Eren had been hurt by Levi’s rejection. He had needlessly lashed out, causing his own suffering in the process. In hindsight, it had been stupid of him to demand to be locked up after Levi had turned down his affections. Looking back, Eren regretted very little more than that choice. Even without reciprocated love, the relationship they had was something precious, especially for the times that they were in back then. Levi had always treated him differently than the other soldiers, but not in the way others had. To others, he was a monster, something to be feared. Levi had looked at him and nodded in agreement, acknowledged that he was a monster and then it was like he whispered ‘me too’ into the universe and took Eren under his wing. Levi had always looked after Eren, had been a stoic source of comfort when all else seemed too overwhelming to bear. Losing that support had broken Eren in a whole new way and there was no one to blame but himself. 

It had taken six months for him to get his head out of his ass, and without Hanji, who knew when it would have happened. He could remember it like it was yesterday.

_“If you sigh like the world is ending one more time, I’m going to have to ask you not to spend any more time with Levi,” Hanji teased._

_Eren almost flailed out of his seat, but then he glared at Hanji like his life depended on it. “I don’t spend any more time than necessary with the Captain.”_

_“I thought you crashed in his office almost every night?” Hanji tilted her head to the side._

_“I…” Eren sighed again and rested his head on the table in front of him. “I don’t do that anymore.” The words were little more than a mumble, but Hanji seemed to hear him loud and clear._

_“And why is that? You two seemed quite close,” Hanji blinked at him curiously, but Eren could almost sense something else behind the look that almost seemed malicious._

_Eren shivered slightly under the stare and buried his face further into his arms. “It doesn’t matter.”_

_“Oh, I’d say it does,” Hanji replied. “As Commander, I need to know that two of my most effective soldiers will continue to work well together. As Levi’s friend, I want to know if this is why he’s been grumpier than normal. He had gotten downright cheerful for a bit there.”_

_“Trust me, Captain isn’t affected by me,” Eren grumbled darkly._

_“You’d be surprised,” Hanji replied. “I believe he relied on you quite a bit.”_

_“If that was so, don’t you think he wouldn’t have rejected me?” Eren spat angrily._

_Hanji stared at him for a few moments before seeming to connect the dots. “You confessed.”_

_Eren nodded. “And he just told me to go do my chores. He didn’t even acknowledge what I said.”_

_“When,” Hanji interrupted sharply._

_“What?” Eren lifted his head and blinked at her._

_“When did this happen?” Hanji elaborated._

_Eren shrugged slightly. “About six months ago now, I guess. Why?”_

_Hanji leapt forward and clasped Eren by the shoulders, a crazy gleam in her eye that was usually reserved to titan experiments. “You confessed to him six months ago. You confessed to him right after Erwin died and you are_ still alive. _Get out of your pity party and try again, he’s in love with you.”_

_“What are you even talking about,” Eren stumbled backwards and out of his seat, trying to pull out of the deathgrip Hanji had on him._

_“You didn’t know. Of course you didn’t know. Almost no one knew. That was part of the whole thing. They couldn’t tell anyone. You didn’t know better. You confessed to Levi about two weeks after his lover died. Erwin and Levi were_ together _, Eren. Of course, you can’t tell anyone about that, they had to keep it a secret for a reason, military regulations and all, plus I’m sure you know that Levi is a private person, but of course he turned you down. He was still mourning!” Hanji rambled while seemingly unconsciously shaking Eren._

_Eren’s eyes widened. Of course. He should have realized. After the former commander’s death, Levi hadn’t been his usual brand of quiet. It had been more subdued and he seemed almost pained at times. And then there had been the night they had returned to base after Commander Erwin had died… Eren had brought Levi his meal as usual, but instead of sitting at his desk, working on his reports like every other night, Levi had been standing by the window, staring at the moon._

_“Jaeger,” Levi had greeted, his back to him._

_“Captain,” Eren had set the tray on the desk. “No reports tonight?”_

_Levi hadn’t responded for quite a while. He just stood there and stared out the window and if Eren had noted the smallest of tremors running through the older man’s shoulders, he would take it to his grave. After a while Levi spoke, but his voice was thick in a way that Eren had never heard before. “What do you say about some late night training?”_

_“Absolutely, Sir,” Eren said immediately._

_They had spent the night soaring through the trees under the guise of training. When all was said and done, Levi had gently placed a hand on Eren’s shoulder and looked at him with such intensity in his eyes that Eren couldn’t fathom the emotions in the mercury-grey depths. It was a resounding thank you, but for what, Eren hadn’t known until this moment. Levi had been thanking him for being there for him, for going along with whatever it was he wished for while he was mourning the loss of his love. Eren had been his unknowing support and then he had to go and ruin it all._

_He buried his face into his hands. “I… I’ve made a mistake.”_

_Hanji hummed in agreement. “But it’s not irreversible.”_

_“No, you don’t understand… I made a really, really big mistake. When the captain rejected me, I lashed out. He got angry… He doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore,” Eren whispered. “I messed it all up.”_

_Hanji sighed. “Look, Eren. Levi isn’t the type to make friends easily. Once he lets you in, you have to make the gravest of errors for him to throw you out. He’s startlingly forgiving, considering the way he comes across. Slowly build the relationship back up to what it had been. If you try, I am willing to bet that he will let you.”_

Eren picked up the book that was laying on his nightstand and chucked it towards the door, and smiled slightly when he heard the grumbled curse from the other end of the house. When Levi appeared in the doorway, he rolled his eyes and came over to haul Eren to his feet.

“Well, let’s go then. There’s a lot to do today. Hanji had the materials for the porch dropped off this morning,” Levi said leading a shuffling Eren towards the bathroom.

Eren stole glances at the side of Levi’s head as the raven patiently helped him walk. It hadn’t worked like Hanji had said nine years ago. Levi had closed himself off to Eren. He had been cold and hurt by Eren’s behavior and the brunette hadn’t known how to bridge the rift he had created. Slowly, avoiding Levi had become habit. Being nothing but formal with his one time friend had turned into the new normal. And yet, here Levi was, going above and beyond to help Eren and _still_ believing in him when all hope seemed lost.

And Eren had missed their time together. Those quiet nights, helping Levi with his paperwork, playing chess, just basking in one another’s company… They had been precious. Something that Eren clung to late at night when he was shackled to the bed alone in the dark. The basement hadn’t gotten better. In fact, knowing what was upstairs, what he had willingly given up, made the basement with its shackles worse.

Yes, avoiding Levi had become commonplace in Eren’s life, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t still seek him out. Whenever they were in the same area, Eren would find his eyes drawn to Levi like the letters Hanji had made to his new board. Even now, Eren would watch Levi move around, doing chores and cooking for them. It was because of this that Eren had known Levi was missing during the final battle. It was that which had given Eren the clue of which direction to search to find him, having taken note of his last known position. However, his limbs had moved of their own accord when it came to following the most probably route that Levi had taken and it was his vocal cords making their own choices that had caused a roar to clamour out of his throat when Eren had seen Levi desperately fighting against far too many titans for even Humanity’s Strongest.

It had been like old times when they had fought together afterwards, moving in tandem like there hadn’t been nearly a decade of separation between them. After the battle, Eren had fled the area for a whole new reason. Not out of habit, but because he didn’t want to see Levi’s cold eyes on him, ignoring his existence. He wanted to hold on to the feeling that fighting together had brought on, the feeling of being near Levi, of working together like Eren hadn’t broken everything between them. It was warm, right, reading Levi’s motions a split second before me made them to best support the older man. Eren didn’t want to lose that feeling in the harshness of reality.

That night, he had stood outside of Levi’s office, a tray of food in his hands, shaking so hard he was certain the door would swing open at any second and Levi would be there demanding to know who was rattling teacups. He had never knocked. The fear of being turned away again, even after all of the years that had passed was too strong. Eren had just left the tray by the door and had taken himself to his room, no longer in the basement but just as lonely.

“Oi, brat, you even awake in there?” Levi’s voice jogged Eren out of his trip down memory lane.

Eren nodded, realizing that they were already in the bathroom. Levi helped Eren out of his clothes and oh, Eren was still not used to that. To Levi, this was all business, but feeling those cool hands on his skin was a special type of torture. As Levi began to strip off his own clothes for Eren’s morning shower, Eren tried to bring his hand up, tried to get Levi’s attention so he could at least try to mouth the thoughts swirling around in his head. He wanted to--no he _needed_ to apologize for what he did nine years ago. For the separation he had forced. For causing the tension between them. He had to tell Levi that he was happy the raven was here. That he was sorry Levi was stuck with him, but if Eren had to be looked after by anyone, there was no one else he trusted more with his well being.

But his stupid hand betrayed him. Instead of gently cupping Levi’s cheek like Eren had hoped for, he accidentally full on slapped him. Levi froze. Not a muscle moved. Eren had expected to be hit back like the last time he had hit Levi in the face, but actually nothing happened for almost a minute.

Finally, Levi let out a soft, bitter sounding snort. He still hadn’t moved, his eyes glued to the floor, his thumbs hooked under the waistband of his pants, his head turned to the side from the force of the slap that Eren couldn’t control. “Of course. You’re right. How could I have not noticed before this. This has been… very cruel of me, hasn’t it? I should have known.”

Without even looking at Eren once, Levi grabbed his shirt off the counter and left the bathroom, leaving Eren standing there with his mouth hanging open. Not confident in his ability to walk without Levi’s support and unsure of what had truly just happened, Eren waited where he had been left. When Levi returned, he was wearing some grungy clothes that he usually wore to work in the garden.

“I apologize,” Levi said quietly. “But you could have just told me without slapping me in the face.”

And it hit Eren like a brick to the face. Levi thought that Eren had slapped him for stripping down. Like he had been flaunting his nakedness or something. Not for the first time, Eren was struck by how overwhelmingly kind Levi could be. Nevermind that it hadn't been his intention at all, quite the opposite in fact, Levi's carefulness with Eren's feelings was touching. He sighed to himself as Levi washed him. The man still hadn't looked at him and Eren really needed him to, but he didn't trust his hands to behave in order to get his attention. Finally, Levi looked up at him and Eren did his best to mouth words. _I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to._

“I know you didn’t,” Levi replied with a sigh. "I'm not…" 

Levi's voice had trailed off and Eren could sense that he had been on the verge of saying something important. He waited patiently, but Levi didn't continue. Instead, he finished bathing Eren and dressed him carefully before stepping out of the room, returning a few minutes later in dry clothes. He held out his arm for Eren to grab on to, but he was even quieter than usual and when he glanced at Eren, there was clear pain in his eyes.

Eren's heart broke all over again. Levi was trying _so hard_ , giving Eren everything he needed, accepting all the cruelty that he dished out without a second thought. He knew that things weren't like they had been all those years ago, and yet, here he was, willing to give Eren everything. His mind flashed to what Hanji had said back then _"he's in love with you"_. 

Eren stopped walking, tugging Levi to a halt in the process. Eren lifted his hands, willing them to move smoothly so he could cup Levi's face, but thought better of it when his arms jerked unpredictably. Letting them fall to his sides Eren gave up. Even if Levi had feelings for him at one point, nine years was a long time to have to move on from them, but more than that, Eren's body was a trainwreck. He couldn't move like he wanted, he kept hurting Levi by accident and he couldn't even speak to say the truths he wished he could. 

Once, naively, he had believed that he could be all that Levi needed in a partner, but Eren was older now, wiser and more able to see the big picture. Levi deserved more than this. He deserved the entire world and Eren was just a shattered remnant of the past. They had been together like this for a month now, and Eren needed to set Levi free. It wasn't fair of him to keep the person who had most reminded him of a bird locked in this cage with him. Keeping Levi shackled to him, Eren was no better than the government that had demanded Eren be kept in a cell.

Levi was watching Eren carefully, waiting patiently for him to make whatever point it was that he had stopped them for, but Eren didn't have a point. Not anymore. Not now that he knew he had to release Levi from this servitude. Had to free him from Eren's incapabilities. Levi was studying Eren's face and his brow furrowed at whatever he saw there. He opened his mouth to say something, but--

"Levi! Eren!" Hanji's voice rang out through the house, breaking the tense moment. 

"Coming to the kitchen," Levi called back and Eren followed along willingly. Hanji would be the one to talk to about freeing Levi from this situation. Now he just had to get her alone, which was easier said than done with how Levi watched him like a hawk. 

"Levi, a word?" Hanji asked, all business. 

Levi looked as surprised as Eren felt, but he nodded sharply and helped Eren to a chair before following Hanji out of the room.

His eyes settled on the board and letters sitting on the table and he scrambled with them while straining his ears to hear what was being said in the next room. 

"There have been murmurs," Hanji was speaking softly. 

"There are always murmurs," Levi replied dismissively.

"If they do come and you're not there, there might be repercussions," Hanji sounded pained.

"You're the one who wanted me here," Levi shot back.

"And how are you here?" Hanji asked.

"I'm exhausted," Levi sighed out. "He's… not easy. And I've been feeling _it_ more recently. Hell, last week I made a sandwich sandwich. Yes, you heard that right. It was peanut butter on two slices of bread between two other slices of bread. I didn't even notice I'd done it until Eren laughed at me. This morning I couldn't actually stand up for a while. Plus, it seems all I do is hurt him. I'm still not sure this was the right choice."

Overwhelming guilt swept through Eren. He was making Levi struggle, making him tired, making him doubt himself. He renewed his efforts with the board. The faster he could show it to Hanji, the faster he could get Levi out of here.

"What are we going to do?" Hanji asked softly.

"Well, if you hear that they actually are coming, then let me know and I'll be a good soldier. Eren will have to deal with someone else looking after him for that period of time. Otherwise, I'm here," Levi sounded resigned and Eren could feel his heart squeezing in his chest. 

The two were making their way back into the kitchen now and Eren turned to them, holding up his board. _I need to speak to Hanji alone._

Levi raised his eyebrows but turned on his heel and headed right back out of the room without complaint. Hanji watched him go before turning to Eren. "Is something wrong?"

Eren had already begun preparing his next statement, but it still took him several minutes to get the whole thing lined up. _You need to send someone else. It's not fair to the Captain that he has to be stuck here with me. Captain is a bird and when he's with me, he's stuck in a cage. More than anyone else, he deserves to fly. Stick me with someone else, anyone else, and free him from me._

"Oh, sunshine…" Hanji started, but she paused to cover her mouth for a few moments before she managed to continue. "Levi… He wouldn't be allowed to fly even if he wasn't here with you. If he wasn't here, he would be behind a desk and honestly, for him I believe that is worse. Before you make these kinds of requests, try telling him how you feel first? He cares so much about you and one of you needs to just reach out and…"

Eren interrupted her with his board close to her face. _I can't even do that! How am I supposed to tell him how I feel if I can't use words? How is that good for him?? I can't speak!_

Hanji opened her mouth and then grinned. "What if you could? I've been thinking about it and I have an idea."

Eren tilted his head to the side. After a moment, he nodded slowly. _Show me. If I'm satisfied, then I'll change my mind. If not, then we go with my plan._

"Deal!" Hanji squealed. Well… going by that glint in her eyes, if nothing else, things would be interesting for the foreseeable future. As it was, though, Eren was preparing himself for the rest of his life spent being treated like he was brain dead by some stupid nurse. It didn't really matter… as long as Levi could spread the wings he had fought so hard to have the right to possess. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren does his best and Levi admits a truth to himself.

Levi slowly opened his eyes, a low groan escaping his lips before he could stop it as sharp pain jolted up his leg. Carefully swinging himself to place his feet on the floor, he tested putting weight on that leg. Sighing softly to himself when he couldn’t, he sat there and waited, leaning forward to rub small circles into his ankle, trying to soothe the ache. It was an old injury, from when he had rescued Eren from Annie’s clutches, that he had never let properly heal, but usually he could just push through the pain. The extra strain of carrying Eren seemed to make it act up more than usual, though. 

Burying his face into the hand not massaging his ankle, Levi’s mind flashed to the day before, when Eren had slapped him. At the moment, his fingers had twitched with the instinct to hit back, but several facts and stilled his hand. One, it had been an open handed slap, not a punch and that had been more than enough to give Levi pause. Eren punched to release his pent up emotions, Levi knew this, but he had never slapped before. It had clearly been intentional and pointed. Two, the slap had been a message and Levi had heard it loud and clear. Here was Eren, a man who had at one point proclaimed to have feelings for Levi, forced into a situation where Levi had to do everything for him. Without thinking about it, Levi regularly took off his clothes and got into Eren’s personal space. Even in Eren hated him now, that had to hurt, he knew. There was obviously still physical attraction, if the frequent erections that Levi’s nakedness had caused.

Levi had been all but showing off the body he had proclaimed that Eren could never have on a regular basis without a second thought. Of course Eren had slapped him, Levi had been downright cruel. It was just another show of why Levi didn’t deserve Eren’s forgiveness--or his apology for that matter. The way the younger man had looked at him desperately while apologizing… It was like he expected Levi to disappear at any moment. Levi didn’t know how to express that he wasn’t going anywhere, that this is where he’d rather be without sounding selfish, but the fact of the matter was no matter what, he was happier here than he had been in a long, long time. Even if Eren didn’t ever warm up to the idea of him being here, looking after Eren and helping him recover the parts of himself that he could brought Levi a kind of peace that he never thought he would actually have.

While Hanji wasn’t wrong in some regards--the reasonings that Levi had come to nine years ago were, for the most part no longer valid--it was clear that Eren didn’t want a lover in the form of Levi anymore. That slap made that clear enough. However, the desperation in his eyes when Levi even suggested leaving made Levi think that maybe… Just maybe Eren would be willing to look for a friend in him again. At the end of the day, that alone was more than Levi deserved but he would cling to it like a drowning man clung to his only lifeline.

Hearing a thud from the bedroom next to his, he sighed and forced himself out of bed. There was no point in getting changed, Eren didn’t want to see him naked so he might as well just allow his nightclothes to get wet before changing into what he intended to wear that day. It took him several steps to force the limp out of his gait as he made his way to Eren’s room.

When he walked up to him, Eren lifted his arms up and mouthed words at him.  _ Morning, Captain. _

“Morning,” Levi sighed softly at the title and bent down to lift Eren up, but the added weight was too much on his already compromised leg and he all but dropped Eren on the floor and winced, hand reaching down instinctively to clasp onto his ankle as he hunched over himself.

Eren scrambled forward, eyes wide as he looked down at Levi. Levi grit his teeth together as he rubbed at the source of the pain with his eyes closed for a few moments before slowly opening them and unclenching his jaw. Catching sight of the worried gaze focused on him, Levi let out a long breath through his nose. “I’m fine, don’t look at me like that. Are you okay? I dropped you.”

Eren reached out a hand and slowly, carefully wrapped his fingers around Levi’s calf instead of answering. Levi froze, watching it happen, afraid to break the silence and Eren’s concentration. His hand jumped in the wrong direction at first, sliding up towards Levi’s knee which had the raven clenching his teeth again to suffocate the bark of laughter that threatened to spill out at the ticklish sensation, but Eren was already moving on. He slid his hand down Levi’s leg and applied pressure to his ankle.

When Levi hissed at the contact, Eren’s brow furrowed and he glanced up at Levi’s face.  _ Swollen. _

Levi nodded. “An old injury acting up. I’m fine, Eren.”

Eren’s brow furrowed further.  _ My fault. _

“No, it’s not your fault,” Levi said quickly.

Eren rolled his eyes and tugged Levi closer to him by the leg.  _ I make you carry me too much. _

Levi sighed and followed the pull. “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think I could.”

The determined glint in Eren’s eyes made Levi nervous and after a second, Eren was struggling to stand up on his own. Levi scrambled to follow him up, prepared to catch Eren if needed, but the brunette leaned heavily on the post of his bed instead of relying on Levi. After a few moments of watching Eren take slow, deep breaths, a clear indicator that he was about to do something difficult or reckless, Levi began to get antsy. “Come on,” he said, holding out his hand for Eren to take. “I’m fine and you need a shower. Let’s go.”

Slowly, Eren reached out and wrapped his arm around Levi’s shoulders. Levi went absolutely rigid at the contact and Eren squeezed the shoulder his hand was clasped onto to get his attention.  _ I can’t walk without your support, but you shouldn’t put weight on that leg. You lean on me and I’ll lean on you.  _

“This is ridiculous,” Levi huffed out, but he wrapped his arm around Eren’s waist in return and leaned into his side, taking most of the weight off his affected leg. Eren in turn grasped tightly to Levi’s shoulders, his other hand fumbling around in front of him until Levi reached across his torso with his free hand and let him clutch on to that arm, too. 

All in all, it was the slowest, oddest walk that Levi had ever experienced, but it did take quite a bit of strain off his leg and Eren seemed immensely proud of himself for it. It took them nearly twenty minutes to make it to the bathroom and then another five to maneuver into the shower. At that point, Levi pulled away from the grip and rolled his eyes when Eren’s lips moved far too fast for him to read in clear protest.

“I told you, I’m fine. I appreciate what you’ve done, but now it’s time to get to business and we can’t get your clothes off if we’re clinging to each other,” Levi waved off Eren’s worried gaze. Levi paused for a moment, his hands hovering mere centimeters from Eren’s clothes. “I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do about this part,” he muttered, grabbing onto the hem of the shirt and pulling it over Eren’s head swiftly. “I know you don’t want this, but it’s my job.”

Levi could only hope that removing his own nakedness from the equation would be enough for Eren. He had to strip Eren down, it was part of his job description to wash the brunette and god only knew what kind of trouble Eren would find himself in if Levi left him to his own devices. The look of sadness in Eren's eyes struck Levi deep in his core, but he focused on the task at hand instead.

As he washed Eren, Levi's mind wandered. Eventually, he would have to address these feelings within himself. Already, he knew that he would go to extraordinary lengths for Eren's happiness and well being, but there was more than that. The  _ more _ had been there for a long time, since before he had rejected Eren and it… the realization hit Levi like a brick. It  _ terrified  _ him. All of those reasons he had come up with nine years ago hadn't been borne from logic as he had told himself, but from fear. 

After losing Farlan and then Erwin, Levi was scared to let himself love again. And here was this man in front of him, a man who had bared his soul to Levi when he was nothing but a boy, a perfect, raging monster inside of a damaged body that was beautiful nonetheless and Levi  _ loved _ him. He might have always loved him, but this was the first time he had ever let himself even think the word.

Eren had the rough edges and the beast inside that had drawn Levi to Farlan and the tender kindness that had pulled him to Erwin. He had a fire burning bright inside him that seemed impossible to extinguish, and Levi was hopelessly, pathetically devoted to stoking it until he could bask in its warmth. 

And Levi reeled back like he had been punched, landing with a thud on the cold bathroom floor. This is what Hanji had wanted him to say when she confronted him. This is what she had wanted to see, that she could see even before Levi had admitted it to himself. She had always known. 

Slowly raising his eyes, Levi met the curious green ones that were watching him. Gorgeous green eyes that the sea they had finally found couldn't hold a candle to. Eyes that Levi wanted to have on him until his end of days. Eyes that spoke to him even now that Eren couldn't form words, that were asking  _ are you alright?  _ Eyes that he loved.

Levi opened his mouth, fully ready to lay his heart out on the floor between them, but he paused. Eren hated him. Levi had never been forgiven for his transgressions and he may never be. Even with this far too late realization, all Levi could do was continue on this path and hope that one day Eren would grant him what he didn't deserve--forgiveness.

"I'm fine," Levi muttered as he pushed himself back up to stand over the brunette. As he began to rinse the soap off Eren, forcing the younger man to close those perfect eyes, Levi took to Eren's trick and mouthed words he would never say aloud, words that his heart whispered and begged to have said.

_ I love you, my light, and I give you what is left of my heart, my soul. I will always love you, and I will remain by your side, for you are my wings of freedom. You are all that I fought for. _

When Eren opened his eyes again and met Levi's gaze, he nearly cried with the emotions that welled inside him, nearly broke when Eren offered him a small smile. Instead he steeled his mask of apathy and helped Eren to his feet. "Let's get you dressed and fed."

It wasn't long after breakfast when Hanji made an appearance. "Good morning!" She called cheerfully.

"What the hell are you doing here, shitty glasses? We had to suffer you just yesterday," Levi grumbled from his position elbow deep in the sink. 

"While that is true, Eren requested some one on one time with me regularly, so you're going to have to get used to seeing my face, moonshine!" Hanji replied, bouncing over to the kitchen table. "And now I need you to shoo. Head into town or something, giving us two hours should be more than enough."

"Wait, I have to leave?" Levi raised his eyebrows as the turned to face the two brunettes at the table.

"Of course, doctor patient confidentiality and all that," Hanji shrugged.

"You're the biggest quack of a doctor I've ever seen," Levi crossed his arms, but walked towards the door to the kitchen. "I swear to god, Hanji, if I come back and you've run any experiments on him, I'll kill you myself."

"Aye, aye, Captain," Hanji offered a half hearted salute.

Levi rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air muttering to himself as he left. "Is no one ever going to stop calling me that?"

In the end, Levi was grateful for the time alone. As he wandered the town, occasionally stopping to buy something he could cook that he thought Eren would like, Levi was by himself with his thoughts, able to collect himself so he'd be able to face Eren again later without shattering. 

He realized, towards the end of his two hours, that no matter how overwhelming these feelings were in his own mind, they essentially changed nothing. He already treated Eren with a care that he hadn't afforded to most others and he had already shown a willingness to give up just about anything for him. Just because Levi was now aware of his own feelings didn't mean that anything was different. He just had to continue as he always had. 

Walking back into the kitchen of the house, Hanji stood up from the table and smiled at Eren. "Well, that went well I'd say. I'll be back as soon as I can, Eren."

Eren nodded at her, but Levi caught her arm as she made to leave. "You were right," he said quietly.

Hanji looked confused for a few seconds before her eyes softened. "I know, Levi. I know."

And that probably scared him the most. Hanji using his name instead of some crazy nickname without a hint of lunacy in her voice. He was probably done for and I didn't even know how yet. All he could do was wait.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends are contacted, injuries are had, and Levi has a private realization (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this chapter gave me so much grief. I hope it's decent, my lovelies, I just couldn't fight with it anymore.

Not much changed over the next five months other than the fact that the garden and porch were nearing completion, leaving Levi scrambling to find another project to keep Eren occupied. It had taken much longer than if Levi had done it by himself, but it was worth it to see Eren growing more confident in his movements, even if it made the work take three times as long. 

One morning over breakfast, Levi finally brought himself to broach a topic that had been gnawing away at the back of his mind. “Eren,” Levi put down his utensils and looked at the brunette who was tilting his head in question, breakfast sandwich inches from his mouth. “You want to tell me why you’ve had no visitors?”

Eren’s head tilted to the other side like a confused puppy. “Don’t look at me like that, you know I don’t mean Hanji,” Levi frowned. “You have two friends who would give the world for you. Why haven’t they visited?”

Eren slowly set his sandwich down and stared at his white board for a few minutes before he sighed and started aligning letters.  _ I don’t want Mikasa to see me broken like this and I may have done something cruel to Armin. _

“What?” Levi blinked at the words. What could Eren have done to Armin that was so bad?

_ When we first woke up from the surgeries, I was like this and he was… Well, he was mostly normal and I was angry at the world and took it out on him. I doubt he wants to see me. _

Levi pursed his lips, swirling his tea in the cup, thinking it over. After a few moments, he stood abruptly and strode from the room, straight out the front door, leaving Eren sitting in confusion. While Levi could understand Eren’s reasoning for not seeing his friends, Levi knew how hard it was to lose people and in this day and age, with no titans roaming, it was stupid to abandon old ties, especially ones as strong as those brats had.

Reaching the end of the street, Levi leaned against a fence post. If he remembered correctly, there would be a Corps patrol coming down this way in the next ten minutes. Unless they were on an expedition, Levi doubted that Hanji would have changed patrol routes without telling him. Crossing his arms, he sighed softly to himself. How much of this was from Eren and how much of it was Levi trying to fulfill a futile wish of being with Farlan and Isabel again? He couldn’t deny that Eren, Armin and Mikasa had reminded him of Isabel, Farlan and himself on several occasions.

If he was really being honest with himself, maybe that was another reason he had turned down Eren nine years ago. He had seen the similarities between the two groups and had looked Armin and thought about how he would make such a better partner for Eren. There was that cursed word again, but Levi had been afraid that Eren would see how much better Armin was for him than Levi and would leave him for the blonde after Levi had bared his soul. 

Forcing air out through his teeth, Levi glanced up at the incoming patrol and cut off that line of thinking. It didn’t matter anymore. “Oi,” Levi called, straightening up.

The soldiers, new ones for sure as Levi didn’t recognise them, stopped their route and immediately leapt into stiff salutes. “Captain Levi, Sir!” The taller of the two exclaimed.

Levi sighed. “I’m not--Fuck, it doesn’t matter. I need you to bring a message to headquarters for me. Tell Hanji I said to send Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert to the market place within the next hour. For Eren, incase the lunatic can’t figure that out.”

“Yes, Sir!” The taller one, again saluted.

“The titan?” The shorter one spoke with disdain in his voice.

Levi let out a soft sound of disgust at the tone, but spoke calmly, especially as he noted the taller soldier nudging the shorter. “He’s not a titan anymore.”

“Yes, Sir, and I don’t mean any disrespect, but not only was he a titan, now he’s some kind of retard and not only that, word is that his antics have pulled you off the front lines, so why would anyone want to help him?” The shorter one pushed the arm that was nudging him away, ignoring the not so subtle message.

Levi felt his eye twitch. “Is that so?” He hissed and stalked forward. He almost snorted in amusement at the haste that the taller soldier stepped away from the shorter one, as if he was silently shouting ‘I have nothing to do with him!’ Taking the soldier by the collar, he pulled him forward and off balance. “I don’t know where you get your information from, but I voluntarily gave up my title without Eren’s knowledge, not that it’s stopped anyone from referring to me as a captain. I’m where I am because your commander asked me to be and I’m fucking  _ happy _ there. And,” Levi pulled the soldier closer so that he was mere inches away and hissed the rest. “If I  _ ever _ hear you refer to the brat like that again, I will personally break both of your legs and make sure that you’re dishonorably discharged from service. Eren Jaeger is more mentally sound than you, you piece of shit. Now get out of my sight.”

Shoving the shaking soldier back, Levi let him drop to the ground, noting with equal parts disgust and satisfaction that the man his pissed himself in fear. Turning to the taller soldier, Levi nodded at him and turned on his heel to head back to the house.

The taller soldier called after him. “Your message will be delivered, Captain Levi, Sir! And you’re still Captain Levi, no matter what the government says your title is! You’ll always be Humanity’s Strongest, a beacon of hope for us all! And--and I'm glad you're happy, Sir!”

Levi rolled his eyes, but waved over his shoulder all the same. Walking back into the house, he found Eren, leaning heavily over the sink. “What are you doing?”

Eren slowly turned to look at Levi and offered a weak smile. Stepping closer, Levi's heart sped up when he saw the amount of blood in the sink. The water was running, but Eren was holding one hand in the other, trying to stop the blood. 

Stepping forward far too quickly, Levi grabbed Eren's hand and shoved it under the spray of water, eliciting a grimace from the brunette. It took Levi all of a minute to figure out what had happened. In his determination to fix whatever rift was between Eren and his friends, he had, very uncharacteristically, left all the dishes from breakfast on the table. Eren had tried to do them, tried to be helpful, had assumed Levi was angry probably, and had tried to make up for it in the one way he knew how--cleaning. 

The knife Levi had used for breakfast lay abandoned in the sink, blood spattered around it like a murder weapon and Levi hated himself for leaving Eren in this position. Without Levi there to distract him, the younger man had probably concentrated too hard. Carefully pulling Eren's hand out of the water, he studied the wound. It was deep, directly across his palm and still bleeding. Holding the other's hand in his gently, he looked up at Eren's face and his heart all but broke with the words on his lips.

_ I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm always a burden for you. No matter what I do, I'm always-- _

Levi reached up with his free hand and placed it over Eren's mouth, effectively stopping the words, even as he felt those lips still moving under his palm. "You did well, Eren. I shouldn't have left without saying anything. I'm not angry, I'm proud of you. You did almost all of the dishes alone and you didn't even break a plate. That's better than the first time you tried when you were 15, remember? Now, hold your hand under the water, I'm going to get some bandages to wrap this up."

Eren nodded slowly and Levi let his hand drop. Nodding in return, Levi went to the bathroom to collect what he needed to disinfect and bandage the wound. He took a minute to lean over the sink and just breathe, calming down his heart rate. It wasn't like he had never faced the possibility of losing Eren before, but there had always been this knowledge in the back of his mind that the younger man had his healing factor, that he would always somehow pull through any injury, but now… Now Eren was just a man like anyone else. He wasn't a titan shifter, he wasn't humanity's hope… He was just Levi's hope. And Levi's battered heart had nearly stopped when he saw all that blood in the sink. If he lost Eren now… Levi closed his eyes. 

Well. That hadn't changed in nine years. If Levi lost Eren now, he wouldn't survive it. Without even knowing it, Eren had managed to make himself Levi's reason for living. Forlornly, he realized that if he hadn't taken the time to literally scare the piss out of that idiot soldier, he would have made it back in time to prevent Eren from slicing his hand open.

Making his way back to Eren, he carefully dried, disinfected and bandaged the hand. "I'm sorry. If I had been faster, you wouldn't have done this," Levi said softly. "Every time I--" Levi cut himself off and looked away.  _ Every time I try to help you, save you, protect you, I fail. Can't you see how worthless I really am? I don't deserve anyone's admiration, least of all yours, and I certainly don't deserve your apologies.  _ The sentences rattled around in Levi's head, but in the end, he just patted the back of Eren's neatly wrapped hand and stepped away. "We are going to the market today. You need to get out of this house and I could use a pack mule."

Slowly, Eren nodded, but Levi could see the apprehension in his eyes. Whether it was because he could sense the heavier nature of the words Levi had refused to say or he was nervous about the prospect of venturing out in public, Levi didn't know, but he chose to assume the latter. "Relax, brat, I'll be there with you the whole time. If anyone says anything that makes you uncomfortable, I'll punch them in the face."

Eren's eyes lit up with mirth and his lips stretched into a bright smile, but he shook his head.  _ Don't get yourself in trouble. _

Levi rolled his eyes at the words on Eren's lips and let out a soft snort of amusement of his own. "What more can they do to me?" He muttered as he turned away and carefully packed up Eren's white board and letters into its satchel before helping him drape it over himself. 

The trip to the marketplace was slow, but they made it without incident. In the end, the morning's proceedings had taken well over an hour so Levi's little surprise for the brunette was already waiting for them by the time they arrived. As Eren was over a foot taller than Levi now, he saw them over the crowd first. 

Of all the reactions he had expected, Eren stopped dead in his tracks and freezing up was not the one Levi had anticipated. Nor was the half falling, half running retreat that Eren attempted, thwarted by Levi twisting his arm in Eren's grip and latching on to keep him on his feet and within arms length. 

However, the rage swirling in those green eyes and the lips moving too fast for Levi to read once Eren regained his balance, he had anticipated. He also was prepared for the fist that socked solidly into his chest, knocking the air from his lungs, and throwing him slightly off balance. Wheezing softly from the impact, Levi tightened his grip on Eren's arm. "Give… give them a chance," he huffed out. 

Eren looked ready to object, but it was too late. "Eren!" Mikasa's cry rang out over the crowded market and moments later, she came flying past Levi and flung her arms around the brunette. Armin followed at a slower pace, but his smile could light up a room. 

"E-e-e-eren," Armin greeted, warmth in his eyes. "And g-g-good morning, C-captain L-l-levi."

Levi nodded in acknowledgment, keeping his face as impassive as it always had been, but internally he balked at Armin's stutter. He realized, to himself that both Eren and Armin had lost things that were imperative to their personalities with the surgeries. Eren, his ability to be self reliant and Armin, a man who relied on little beyond his own intelligence and had lost the ability to communicate all those ideas in that big brain effectively. Again, he was struck with the thought that he should have given more for these men, should have fought for more time to find them a better cure.

Eren was frozen again, his fingers digging harshly into Levi's forearm as Mikasa embraced him. "Come on, let's go sit somewhere," he said, tugging Eren's arm gently to kick him back into gear. 

Once they had all settled on a bench under the shade of a big oak tree, Eren hesitantly scooted closer to Levi than ordinary while his friends seemed unable to contain themselves, Levi nudged Eren gently. "Maybe you should take out your board?"

"What happened to your hand?" Mikasa demanded almost simultaneously. 

"W-w-we m-missed you," Armin added.

Eren slowly pulled his white board out and started to arrange letters on it.  _ I missed you, too. Mikasa, I cut my hand trying to wash dishes. It's fine. Captain bandaged it up for me. Armin, I'm so, so sorry for what I did to you after we woke up. _

Mikasa narrowed her eyes at the words, and further when Levi reached over without even really looking and switched out the  _ Captain  _ tile for the  _ Levi _ one, despite Eren swatting at his hand, but Armin just waved his hands. "I d-don't b-b-blame you. I k-k-know you w-were s-s-scared and hurting."

_ But I hit you! _

"You hit me all the time," Levi muttered, gently rubbing his still aching chest. "You hit me not ten minutes ago."

Eren furiously placed more letters on his board and turned it to Levi.  _ You're more durable than he is. And I usually apologize! _

Levi bit down on the inside of his lip to hold in the soft laugh that wanted to escape at Eren's indignation and just nodded in return. "True."

Armin laughed, but Mikass took Eren by the shoulders and turned him to face her. "Is he taking care of you properly? He doesn't hurt you, does he? Are you safe? Are you happy? Do you eat well enough? Are you okay?"

Levi could feel Eren's fingers digging deeper and deeper into his thigh with every question that he had no hope of keeping up with. Subtly, he pressed soothing fingers into Eren's own thigh in response. "I'm  _ right here _ , for fucks sake," Levi spoke up, cutting off Mikasa's rapid fire questioning, and he immediately felt some of the tension in the fingers in his thigh dissipate. "Plus, you're asking too many questions too fast. How do you expect him to line up the answers that quickly? Give him a minute."

Mikasa opened her mouth, her eyes shooting daggers at Levi, but Armin's hand shot out, resting on her arm and he nodded at Eren who was looking at Levi with grateful eyes, his body sagging slightly to to side, putting a little extra weight on Levi so the older man had to tense a bit to support him. 

"L-l-look at him. T-that answers all your q-q-questions, d-d-doesn't it? He's happy," Armin said softly. 

After a moment, Eren started to fiddle with his board. It took a bit, but finally, he held it out with the answers to Mikasa's questions.  _ Captain takes good care of me. He keeps me busy so I don't get bored and makes sure that I have everything I need. Sometimes, he lets me read books over his shoulder, too. He never hurts me, though I hurt him a lot. Captain cooks for us and his food is very good. I'm as happy as can be expected, and really, who would try and mess with me when Humanity's Strongest is always hovering over my shoulder? Of course I'm safe. _

"You're a liar," Levi whispered under his breath. He knew for a fact that he had hurt Eren more than once. Louder, though, he said, "Apparently that isn't enough for people to talk shit about you in my presence, however."

Eren tilted his head to the side in confusion. Levi sighed. "The reason I took too long getting back to prevent you from cutting your hand this morning was because one of the soldiers I sent to relay my message that your friends should come to the market today was being a little shit. I took some extra time to put him in his fucking place."

"N-n-new recruit? R-red hair? B-b-brown e-e-eyes?" Armin asked.

"Yes," Levi confirmed.

Mikasa turned away, but not before Levi caught the amusement in her eyes. Eren held up his board.  _ What did he say and how do you guys know who it was? _

"He c-came b-b-back to b-base having p-p-peed himself. And c-c-cursing about t-t-t-titan s-shifters and d-d-demons. Hes g-given m-me g-grief b-before, as w-w-well," Armin shrugged. "E-e-especially b-because I s-s-s-stutter."

"He likes to pick on Armin's stutter," Mikasa confirmed darkly. 

Eren's eyes widened and he whipped back around to look at Levi, not bothering with his board this time.  _ You made a man pee himself? _

Levi slowly raised an eyebrow. "I've been told," he said, casually. "That I have an intimidating demeanor. And I don't really fucking care what someone's opinion of me is when they call my charge a retard, among other things. And I give less fucks now that I know he's made fun of your friend for his stuttering." Levi hissed through his teeth and glared down at the ground, the anger from the morning reading its head again. "Fucking moron, speaking to me like I wasn't the one who bargained for your lives. I should have broken his legs right there instead of just threatening to."

Eren reached out and grabbed Levi's hand, squeezing it to regain his attention.  _ No one knows you did that. _

"Doesn't excuse him," Levi replied.

_ No. _ Eren agreed.  _ But maybe more people should know what you've done for us. You deserve the recognition. _

"No," Levi shook his head. "I just did what was right."

_ But so many wouldn't have for a pair of titans. _

"For a pair of humans," Levi pushed Eren's hand away from him. "I'm going to do the shopping. I'll come get you when I'm finished and we can head home."

Eren nodded and Levi stood, sending Eren momentarily off balance due to the fact that the longer they had sat there, the more of his weight had settled onto Levi, and he strode off into the market place to get ingredients for dinner.

He was browsing a stall full of vegetables when Armin's voice came from his right. "W-without your p-presence on b-b-base, it s-s-seemed l-like p-p-people forgot how s-s-scary you c-c-can b-be, S-s-s-sir. It w-was a-almost nostalgic t-to hear s-someone t-t-talking about C-captain L-l-Levi t-the d-d-demon."

"I think between the two of us, you're much more demonic than I," Levi replied without looking up. "We both might be monsters, but at least I'm don't wrap mine up with the face of a cherub. You're Just like Jaeger. You were a monster from the beginning, with that smooth talk and strategic brain that you use to manipulate people to your preference. At least I always let it be known what kind of person I am."

Armin laughed lightly. "T-t-that's t-t-true."

"What do you want Arlert? Shouldn't you be spending time with your friend?" Levi glanced at Armin out of the corner of his eye.

"You're awfully p-patient w-w-with him," Armin said instead of responding. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" Levi returned, finally selecting his vegetables and paying for them. Turning and making his way down the isle of stalls, pausing for half a step so that Armin could fall into stride with him.

"B-b-because you already b-b-broke his heart once," Armin said pleasantly, but there was that monstrous look behind his eyes that Levi had been talking about. His steps faltered and after a moment, he tilted his head to the side, motioning down a deserted alley.

Armin followed along cheerfully, but the act didn't fool Levi for a second. "So that's what this is about. So you're here to give me some kind of shovel talk?" Levi asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the building behind him once they were alone. "Don't bother. I won't do anything to him. I know my place."

"Is t-that s-s-so?" Armin asked.

"Of course. I'm not an idiot," Levi shrugged. 

"You're his s-s-safe s-s-s-space," Armin said calmly, but that look hadn't left his eyes. "D-dont m-m-mess t-t-that up."

Levi regarded Armin seriously for a few seconds before standing straight and dusting off his cloak. "Somehow, you're even more frightening when it takes you a while to get your words out. Who would have thought it. I told you, you don't have to worry about it," Turning away for the blonde, Levi started making his way out of the alley. "You should spend time with Eren. Isn't the expedition outside the walls leaving in a few weeks?"

"You l-l-love him," Armin spoke again, in that infuriatingly calm voice. "D-d-don't you?"

"I'm not sure why that matters, Arlert. I have shopping to do," Levi said softly, leaving the blonde alone in the alley.

Darting down the next one, Levi leaned against the wall and looked up towards the pinkening sky. "Erwin, you were right when you said Arlert would follow in your footsteps. He's as uncanny as you were," he muttered to the sky, a memory flashed through his mind without prompting.

_ "You care about him deeply," Erwin said quietly, as if he spoke any louder, he would break the atmosphere of the room. _

_ Levi lifted his head off that broad chest and stared up at him in disgust. "I don't even know who you're talking about, but isn't it bad taste to bring up another man after you've just fucked me?" _

_ Erwin laughed, shaking his head. "Eren. You care about him. More than the other soldiers." _

_ Levi stiffened, but laid his head back down on Erwin's chest. "What the fuck are you talking about, Eyebrows-For-Brains?" _

_ "You only get this defensive when I'm right," Erwin chuckled. "I'm not upset, Levi. It's not a bad thing and I'm not accusing you of anything. I know you're a loyal man. I'm just saying that I think he's good for you." _

_ Levi smacked his forehead against Erwin's chest, receiving a low grunt of pain from his improvised pillow. "Shut the fuck up and let me enjoy this cuddling bullshit before I have to get out of here," Levi growled. _

_ Erwin chuckled again, his hand coming up to stroke through Levi's hair. "Alright, little love. I'm just saying, if anything happens to me, I wouldn't be angry with you if you found someone else to love." _

_ "That's it," Levi hissed, sitting up, wrenching his head out of Erwin's grip while refusing to huff at the loss of the feeling of those fingers gently massaging his scalp. "I'm going back to my quarters. Get your fucking head examined, shithead." _

_ Erwin watched Levi pull his clothes on without getting up. It wasn't until he was almost at the door that he spoke again. "I love you, Levi." _

_ Levi paused and glanced over his shoulder at the big blonde. "Love you, too," he said softly. It wasn't often that he said those words back to Erwin, even though the feeling was there, but tonight he felt the need to see the way those blue eyes softened when he did. With that, he retreated into the cold hallway wishing he had stayed in his lover's embrace. _

"You promised you'd forgive me if I found someone else to love, right?" Levi muttered. "Because you were right all along. Eren means the world to me, even if I never get to have him like I had you."

Of course, there was no answer, but somehow, Levi felt lighter when he walked back out into the crowded market. He realized, finally, what that dumb book had meant. 'The love that lasts' didn't mean the one that you stayed with forever, it meant the one that stayed with you. Even if it wasn't physically, even if they never loved you back, even if they hated you… That loved stayed inside your heart until you took your last breath and it couldn't be replaced by anything. Even if Eren died tomorrow, Levi would love him and no other until his own dying breath.

Levi wished he had realized it sooner--had been able to see that it was always Eren. Eren had always been Levi's third and final love. It was true nine years ago and it was still true today. Levi would endure anything the brunette threw at him, because it would always remain Eren. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Limits are found, outbursts are had and choices are made--for better or for worse.

Two days after the marketplace had Eren still apologizing every time he noted Levi wincing even in the slightest. After Levi had finished shopping, he had returned to get Eren and the brunette and held up his board with a pre written sentence laid across it. _Carry me home?_

Levi had stared at the board for less than a second, well aware that carrying Eren for that long would strain his leg beyond anything it had been previously, but he had still turned around and allowed Eren to clamber up onto his back like a newborn deer. 

"You're such a baby," Levi had muttered, his tone laced with affection as he filled Eren's hands with bags and then took a firm hold of his thighs.

They had made it back to the house, Levi's leg screaming from about halfway home, but he grit his teeth and made dinner anyway, only allowing himself to collapse when the washing was finished.

Today, they were expecting Hanji, but she seemed to be running late, so Levi stood behind Eren in the kitchen. "Your hair is getting long."

Eren tilted his head back to look at Levi upside down, question in his eyes. "Its long enough that it was in my eyes when I was carrying you," Levi clarified. 

Eren blinked up at him. His mouth opened. Levi started talking again. "If you apologize again, I'm going to kick that chair out from under you. My leg is fine. Anyone would be a little sore after carrying someone over a foot taller than them on their back, but I knew that before I carried you. Now face forward, I'm going to do something about this hair."

Eren pressed his lips into a line, but he faced forward again. Levi gently ran his fingers through Eren's hair, and if he was indulging himself a little bit more than necessary, he wouldn't ever admit it outloud. "It doesn't look bad on you, actually," Levi muttered. "So I'm not going to cut it."

Carefully running his fingers through the hair in front of him, making sure there were no tangles before pulling it away from Eren's face and securing it with one of the elastics he used to hold up his own hair when he shaved his undercut. 

"There," Levi nodded to himself and Eren tilted his head back and grinned at Levi. 

"I'm here!" Hanji's voice rang out, followed by the curious sound of rapid clicking. 

Before Levi could ask what it was coming from, a puppy came barrelling into the room and smashed head first into Eren's legs and then looked up at him with a dopey dog-grin on its face. The first thing that popped into Levi's head was disgust. The mutt looked to be the textbook definition of mangy, with black fur made patchy by scars, a little bit of slobber starting to leak from the corner of its mouth and the fact that it was entirely missing its left ear. Levi was pretty certain it was blind in the left eye, well, but when he looked at Eren, the feeling melted a little bit. If Eren could squeal with joy, he would have. His eyes were glittering brightly as he held out his hand to the pup, his mouth pulled into a smile with his shoulders shaking in silent laughter. 

Levi directed his attention to Hanji, who made her way into the kitchen behind the dog. "What the fuck is this?"

Hanji shrugged, smiling at the sight of Eren, who was half sliding, half falling to the floor to receive kisses from the dog and pet it. "We rescued him and I thought that maybe Eren would want him."

Eren's head shot up and tilted to the side, and Levi took it upon himself to speak the question the younger was all but radiating. "Rescued from what?"

Hanji pursued her lips. "Some people were torturing the poor creature for their own sick amusement."

Eren's eyes darkened, but he simply turned back to the puppy and wrapped his arms around it as it wiggled happily under the attention. Levi eyed Hanji. "And you thought to being it here… why?"

Hanji tilted her head towards the living room. "A word, Levi."

Levi nodded and followed her into the living room. "What's wrong?"

"They're coming for a survey. Government officials. I think they mean to cut the Corps down now that we aren't needed like we were before. If you're not there, not at the desk that they stuck you at rot… they might cut you," Hanji bit her lip. "They're already not happy with us. Jean, Connie and Sasha are the ones found that puppy out there, and they said the poor beast was being tortured by the messengers. Needless to say, the messengers are returning with a few more bruises than they came with."

"When are they coming?" Levi sighed, running his hand down his face. Internally, he praised those three from rescuing the dog, even if he thought it was a nasty mongrel.

"Soon. Less than a week," Hanji replied.

"I have to be there," Levi said, looking around the living room. "Financially, I can't afford not to. You set up this house, so it's paid for, but I'm sure you realize that I'm paying for everything else out of pocket. My savings won't last all that long if I lose the income, and I refuse to touch Eren's pension."

Hanji nodded. "I know. And I'm grateful. Before you took over, we didn't know what we were going to do about this situation on the money end, but what are we going to do about Eren?"

"Ideally, not worry him," Levi replied. "Someone will just have to stand in for me for the time that they're here. Armin or Mikasa should be fine."

"Okay," Hanji agreed. "But you will keep the dog, right?"

"Why did you think that bring that mutt here was a good idea?" Levi huffed. "I already have my hands full as it is. I have no time to look after yet another life."

Hanji hummed softly. "But that's the point, isn't it? Your project in the yard is almost completed and once it's done, you'll need to find another way to distract Eren. He's been doing so much better since you've been keeping his mind distracted. The dog needs someone to look after him, but it doesn't have to be you."

There was a thud from the doorway. Levi turned his head in time to see Eren attempting to pull himself to his feet. "What the hell? Are you eavesdropping?" Levi glared, but it was half hearted as he walked over to help Eren to his feet.

The brunette slapped his arm away, however as fury burned in his eyes. _You were talking about me. I have a right to know._

Levi frowned. "Calm down, brat."

_Tell me what you were talking about!_

Levi hesitated, then sighed. "I noticed when I first came here that if i distracted you while you moved, your actions were less jerky. I've been endeavoring to distract you since."

Eren blinked at him for a few moments and Levi almost thought the anger had passed, but then a fist connected with his face with such force that he could hear as well as feel the skin of his lip slice into his teeth. Gasping, and coughing as he inhaled some of the blood pooling in his mouth, Levi hunched over himself and spit the blood onto the floor.

Lifting his eyes to Eren, he caught the next swing coming at his face just in time to fall backwards and out of the way. Eren's lips were moving, but it was too fast for Levi to pick up, though he was sure he knew what the words were already. They were most likely something about how Levi had no right to keep this from Eren, that Eren deserved to know what others knew about his body. The last sentence he caught clear as day, however. _How can I ever trust you if you never tell me the truth?_

And it was like he could feel his carefully constructed, ironclad patience shatter. Before he could stop it, his hand was flying, but it wasn't a closed fist punch like Erne had laid on him. No, in his fury and pain, Levi attacked with the bitter open handed slap of one scorned. 

As red blossomed across Eren's cheek, his head snapped to the side front the force of the blow, frozen with a look of shock on his face, words fell from Levi's mouth with as little control has his hand had moments earlier. "Trust? You could have trusted in the fact that I gave my life for yours. You could have trusted that I was here after you forced the rift between us. You could have trusted that I would have sacrificed more if it meant I could take this burden from you. You could have trusted me! But no, it's always my fault, always what I haven't given, what I couldn't afford to sacrifice. What more of my broken soul do you want, Eren? I gave it all to you! I'm _sorry_ that what I have nothing left to give, my all is not enough, you selfish piece of shit!" 

Reeling back from his own words, his own emotions, the fury and pain he had buried so deeply that he had managed to convince himself that he could just _not feel_ , Levi did something he had never done before. He fled. To his room, where Hanji found him packing a bag.

"That was…" she started, but hesitated and then sighed. "Unsurprising, overdue and a little bit harsh."

Levi clenched his teeth. He did not need a lecture right now, because God help him, if he had to sit through one of Hanji's guilt trip ladened speeches, what little control he had left would break and he would cry. He couldn't fall that far, tears were just too much to ask of him. "I'll be in my office, Hanji."

Hanji nodded. "You'll come back after the survey, though, right?"

"Of course," Levi muttered. He had always known that he would stay here even though Eren hated him. That hadn't changed, but he needed a few days to sort out his emotions and get them back under control. 

"Good. You need to talk to him about what happened just now," Hanji replied. 

"Hanji," Levi said softly, his voice thickening in ways he really wished it wouldn't. "Please."

Hanji calmly turned away. "I'll see you on base," she replied, showing an amount of restraint he wouldn't normally associate with her. 

Levi left without saying a word to Eren. 

``~`**`~``

Regret. Powerful, all encompassing regret coursed through Eren as he sat on the floor where Levi had left him. How did he manage to always ruin things like this? Why did he let his rage guide him around blindly?

Trust. It was that word that Levi had latched onto, that had broken him. There had been more emotion on Levi's face in that moment then Eren had ever seen before and he hated himself for it. Because he did trust Levi, he trusted him with his life, but in his anger he had said yet another thing he didn't mean. 

When Hanji came back from following Levi, she handed him his board and then calmly sat on the couch. "Even a man like Levi has a breaking point when pushed, Eren," she said after a few moments. "He has dealt with more than you will probably ever know and it seems that he finally ran out of control."

Slowly, Eren moved his hands across the board, arranging the letters. _Where is he?_

"Heading to base," Hanji replied. "I think he needs some space."

Eren's head shot up at that and he felt dread fill him. Levi had left? But how could Eren apologize if Levi _left_?

"Just give him some time," Hanji said softly. 

Eren nodded, defeat and despair thrumming through him as sharply as the stinging of his cheek. 

"I'm going to send Armin to look after you for now," Hanji continued. "He should be here later today."

Eren nodded again, a plan already forming in his mind. When Hanji left, he put it into action. The dog, who he decided to name Wiggles, followed along behind him as he draped himself around the house carefully. 

Every movement was slow and terrifying without Levi's solid arm to clutch to and the knowledge that the raven would always catch him, but Eren made it to all his destinations.

First, he laid out a message on his board and then placed it in his bag for when he needed it. Then, he got some leftovers Lwvi had stored from their dinner last night and put them in his bag with the board and his letters. And then he looked at Wiggles.

 _We're going to go get Levi, Wiggles. Are you coming?_ He mouthed. 

Wiggles lived up to his name a wriggled his whole body under Eren's gaze. He took that as agreement. Eren looked around and nodded to himself. The base wasn't that far. He should be able to make the walk in half a day's time at his speed. However, it probably would take longer because he would have to hide from patrols and soldiers so that they wouldn't cart him back to the house. 

Determination settling firmly into his mind, Eren walked out of the door.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which dreams are had, confessions are made and the lost is found.

_ "Captain," Eren's soft voice seemed to echo through the office, the only other sound the crackling of the fire. "What do you want to do when the war is over?" _

_ Levi lifted his head from where it had been drifting towards his desk to observe the brunette who was sprawled out on the couch. He had his eyes closed, curled up under the blanket that Levi had started to leave draped over the back of the couch when Eren had begun to sleep in his office. "I never thought about it," Levi replied finally. "I suppose I never thought I'd live to see the end of the war." _

_ Too much information, he thought, but Eren just hummed and rolled over to face him, opening his eyes. "But you're Humanity's Strongest! Of course you'll live to see the end of it." _

_ Levi folded his arms on his desk and put his head down. "Even I'm just one mistake away from dying in the jaws of a titan." _

_ Eren was silent for a few minutes and Levi thought he had fallen asleep, but then his voice came again, sleepy and barely there. "I'll protect you, Captain. If you're ever in trouble, just call for me and I'll come running. No matter how far away I am, I'll keep you safe." _

_ … _

_ … _

_ Oh. I did call for him, didn't I? I'd forgotten. _

_ … _

_ … _

_ During the final battle, as hands grabbed and jaws snapped at him, Levi felt the air jerk out of his lungs as fat fingers managed to latch onto his cloak. Ripping it off, Levi managed to twist away from the looming mouth before him, only to have to dodge around another hand.  _

_ There was no way out. There were too many titans. He was going to die. Without thinking about it, for no reason that his exhausted mind could really process, Levi's mouth opened as he fought for his life. "Eren, Eren, Eren!" He cried as he fought. He didn't know why, but… when death seemed inevitable, he closed his eyes and waited for it to take him, whispering. "I'm sorry." _

_ And then the familiar roar that shouldn't have been anywhere near him caused Levi to jerk his eyes open again. Eren's titan was barrelling in like a vengeful angel and Levi was saved. He was saved. He was going to live. _

_ … _

_ … _

_ "Just call for me and I'll come running." _

_ … _

_ … _

Levi jerked awake at his desk. Running his hand down his face, he sighed. His dreams had twisted his memories together to remind him of things he had never deserved. Glancing out the window to see the sun's position he frowned. Sunrise of the third day since Eren had gone missing.

Levi glared at the empty desk in front of him. It was undoubtedly his fault that Eren was gone and he was so very close to abandoning his post to go search for him. After all, if Eren was gone, there was no point in staying here, was there? Levi had to keep his job and his position in order to be able to take care of Eren, but without the younger man, there was no point, really. 

Leaning his head back against his chair, Levi studied the ceiling, his earlier dream rattling around in his head. "Eren," he called into the empty room.

When nothing happened, unsurprisingly, Levi groaned softly and closed his eyes again. That was it. If they hadn't found Eren by the end of today, Levi would join the search.

Suddenly, his door swung open. Levi's eyes jerked open. Who was coming to see him so early?

Lowering his head, the first thing he saw was green eyes.  _ Eren _ . Levi leapt to his feet and damn near ran around his desk as relief filled him. Then the white board was thrust into his face. 

_ I'm sorry I hit you and said I couldn't trust you. Please come back. You're the only one who believed I was still in here after my surgery. You're the only one who bothered to try and make me better. You're the only one who paid attention. Please, Levi, please come back. _

"You idiot," Levi breathed. "Do you realize how worried everyone was? You've been gone for three days!"

Eren opened his mouth.  _ You left. You left without saying goodbye! _

And the relief he had felt moments ago melted into rage. Eren had thoughtlessly worried everyone who cared about him just because Levi didn't say goodbye when he went back to base?

In one quick motion, Levi pinned Eren to the wall. "What is wrong with you? It wasn't like I was gone forever! You could have died!"

Eren's hands swung, but Levi caught them and pinned him to the wall by his wrists instead, the clatter of the board on the floor seeming distant in the moment. Levi was captivated by the look on Eren's face. There was anger there, yes but...

And it was like that when all the rage fizzled out. Eren's board forgotten on the floor from where their fight had knocked it, the letters and words scattered about haphazardly, a mess Levi would have to clean up later undoubtedly. Levi, pinning an Eren who was panting his anger out and fighting with all he had to be freed from Levi's grip. But it wasn't the anger that Levi saw. It was the tears that were streaming freely down Eren's cheeks. He was hurting. Strong, brave, determined Eren who fought for everything so passionately was hurting badly enough that he was crying. A sight Levi hadn't seen in years and years. As his grip loosened on Eren's wrists, the fist that connected with his temple sent him reeling, but went without retaliation this time. 

Looking up at Eren from where he had been knocked to the floor, Levi forced the words from his throat before he could think better of them. It seems he had done more than enough of that already and Eren deserved more. "I was scared. I  _ am _ scared."

It was like all movement stopped. For a few seconds Eren just stared at him and then his head tilted, his lips moving.  _ Of what? _

"You," Levi said softly, and then held up his hand to stop Eren before he tried to respond. "You weren't wrong about my relationship with Erwin, or that your confession was at a bad time in that regard, but what you don't know is there was someone else before him. Farlan was his name and he died in the jaws of a titan. He followed me up from the underground--yes, those rumors are true--I won't… There's no point in the details of either relationship, other than knowing that they both died. I rationalized turning you down very well in my own head, but the truth of it is, I was scared. If I'd let you in and lost you, too, it would have killed me. I was needed at the time and if you has died… or left me, I didn't trust myself to survive it. All I could think was you had an expiration date and even if that wasn't an issue, you were so young. For all I knew my love was just another obstacle for you to conquer. A mountain for the most determined person I've ever met to climb and once you'd reached the summit you’d see how not worth it I was and leave to find someone who deserves your love. If I had let you in, you'd be the last one to hold my heart, Eren, and I just… I was  _ scared _ to let you do it."

Eren fell to his knees in front of him and lurched forward to press his forehead to Levi's. Soft, careful breaths puffed against his lips and on them, syllables. "I love you," Eren breathed out the words, almost like a half breath, half croak. "I would… never leave you. Never… break your heart."

Levi jerked back and stared at Eren with wide eyes. "You…"

Eren grinned dopily at him and motioned for Levi to come closer to him again. When he did he spoke again. "It's hard. Been practicing… with Hanji."

Levi reached shaking hands up to cup Eren's cheeks and he stroked them gently with his thumbs. He had to close his eyes to hide the tears threatening to spill out of them at bay--the voice he had longed to hear for a whole, long, torturous six months hit his senses like a brick to the face. Sure, it wasn't the same, the sound was rough and it was clear that it took a lot of effort to produce the words, but it was there. Eren had spoken to him. And the words he had said… it was a promise that Levi desperately wanted to believe. A decade ago, he probably wouldn't have, but they were both older now and, hell, maybe Levi had gone soft with age.

Opening his eyes and steeling his resolve, Levi slowly leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss to Eren's lips. Pulling back, he gently ran his thumb under the trembling eyelash that fluttered over tanned cheeks. "I am choosing to put my trust in those words, Eren. Don't make me regret it."

The smile on Eren's face could outshine the sun. He settled happily on the floor across from Levi and leaned forward, placing his head against Levi's chest. "Why… didn't you tell… me, though?"

Levi's hand came up to idly play with Eren's hair. "Because to tell you would have been to show you the things that I hide away and that would have been the same as letting you in. I couldn't afford it, or so I thought."

Eren seemed to think about that for a few moments and then he pointed to his board. Levi reached over and retrieved it and the letters before coming back and readjusting them so his back was against the wall, Eren half curled in his chest and lap, half sprawled across the floor. It was the best he could do--it wasn't his fault that his brat had grown like a weed. 

_ Talking is too hard to do for long periods, but we should talk. So, in the end it was you who didn't trust me. _

Levi winced slightly. "Yes."

_ Ouch. _

"I'm sorry," Levi whispered. "But I'm trusting you now."

_ And I have always trusted you, despite what I said. _

"Even when you wouldn't talk to me?" Levi asked, raising an eyebrow. 

_ Yes. _

"I missed you, you know," Levi said softly. "I know it was my fault, but I missed you when you stopped sleeping in my office."

_ Yeah… about that. I was an idiot. _

"No, I hurt you," Levi objected.

_ No. I mean, well, yes, but I was stupid about it. I got angry and spiteful over it, hurting myself in the process and then Hanji told me about you and Erwin and I felt like such a jerk. Of course you turned me down, you were still mourning and I kept thinking that I should have known. That you had told me without words and I didn't realize until too late and then I didn't know how to apologize, how to bridge the gap between us. You seemed so… you accepted it so flawlessly that I thought maybe I had just always been a burden on you, coming to you like I did and you were just too kind to tell me to fuck off and maybe you preferred it the way it turned out so I… I just let it continue.  _

"Did she, now," Levi tapped the part about Hanji with an almost bemused expression on his face, but then sobered up and sighed. "Look, neither of us handled nine years ago well. We both did things we regret now and wish we could take back. We hurt each other and ourselves. And since then, if I'm getting this right, we have done nothing but misinterpret each other."

Eren tilted his head to the side and blinked at him in confusion.

"Don't look at me like that. I thought you hated me for nine years and have behaved accordingly. I tried… I wanted to stay out of your way so you wouldn't be forced to see the object of your hate. Your turn."

Eren thought about it for a few moments and then started working on his board.  _ I thought I was a burden on you, so I also avoided you as much as possible. And then you were stuck with me and I thought that you were there out of obligation and hated it. _

Levi hummed. "I'm happy in that house. Happier than I've ever been."

_ Then why did you leave? _

Levi looked down in surprise. "Did Hanji not tell you?"

Eren shook his head and Levi ran his hand down his face in exasperation. "No wonder you followed me. Without all of the information, my departure seemed very final, huh? The government is surveying the corps. Hanji believes that they mean to shrink us because we have less purpose now. The exploration of the outside doesn't need an army. I have to be behind the desk they stuck me in so that they won't take my job. I'm only here until they're gone."

Eren's mouth opened in an 'o'. Levi rolled his eyes. "Yeah. I was always coming back, even if I was upset with you."

Eren's hand came up and Levi held still until the questing hand smacked him in the nose with a last second jerk. Eren's hand dropped into his lap, balled into a fist. Levi reached out and took the hand, forcing the fingers to unfurl and placed the palm against his own cheek. "There," he muttered. "It's fine, Eren. I'm fine."

After a few moments of running his thumb over Levi's still bruised lip, Eren's hand fell back to his board.  _ Why are you so patient with me? All I do is hurt you, no matter what I try to do. I don't usually even want to hit you, and when I do do it intentionally, I feel so guilty afterwards. All you've done is look after me and this is the thanks you get. _

"You don't?" Levi looked surprised for a moment and then seemed to shrug it off. "It doesn't matter. Whether you mean to or not, I don't care. You can't control it and that's alright."

Eren huffed in frustration at Levi missing the point.  _ Remember that time I smacked you in the shower? _

"Of course," Levi muttered. 

_ I didn't mean to do it. What I was trying to do was apologize to you. I was trying to touch you gently and my stupid arms went crazy and I hit you. _

Levi's eyebrows shot up as he read the words. "To be fair, I understood completely why you would want to smack me in that situation," he said after thinking it over. 

_ But I didn't want to. Plus, you're hot, have you not noticed? Of course I wanted to look at that. _

Levi turned his head away, huffing out some air through his nose almost silently, but Eren was curled against him tight enough to feel the way he trembled. Still, it took several moments for Eren to realize that the other was laughing. After several more seconds Levi managed to choke out a few words. "Sorry I took away your eye candy."

Eren blinked at him and laughed as well. His laughter was just a silent as Levi's but instead of hiding it away, Eren's whole body shook as his face lit up with delight. Levi could almost imagine the sound of the joyous laughter that would have come from Eren's mouth if it could. 

Before anything else could be said, Hanji's voice, loud and bouncing off the walls came from the hallway. "LEVI! LEVI, THE DOG! LEVI WAKE UP--oh."

"Yes, you were saying?" Levi rolled his eyes at her. 

Hanji stopped in the doorway and observed Eren in Levi's lap on the floor. "Well, discovering the dog in my office seems a lot more anticlimactic now," she said finally. 

_ Ah, sorry, I just left Wiggles there while I came to talk to Levi. I was going to come and get him later. _ Eren held up his board. 

And in a second, Hanji transformed from a disgruntled baby deer to a true commander of the Survey Corps and, Levi felt like the man in his lap was looking at the most haggard mother on the face of the planet. God help him. "You scared the living hell out of us, Eren Jaeger. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Before Eren could fumble with his letters, Levi brought his hand to to soothingly run through the tousled brown locks in front of him that sorely needed a wash. "Eren thought I'd left forever because neither of us bother to tell him about the survey," he said calmly. "So he went on a mission to bring me home."

Hanji's eyes softened and she collapsed to her knees in front of them, pulling Eren into a tight hug. "I'm sorry, I should have said something, but with everything that happened, I just didn't think. We were so worried about you."

Eren nodded his head, from where he was pressed against her shoulder, awkwardly patting her back. Levi, on the other hand, made a small sound of disapproval. "If you don't mind, Shitty Glasses, we were having a moment here. Can you get the fuck out?"

"And you," Hanji whirled on him and for a second, Levi found himself wracking his brain to try and figure out why he was in trouble as well. "You called somewhere home," Hanji's voice was soft, warm and caring. When Levi's eyes widened slightly at the words, she bustled on before he could speak. "I'll be in my office playing with… Wiggles, was it? Come get me when you're ready. Don't do anything you wouldn't want the government lap dogs walking in on. After all, they have terrible timing, it seems. Yesterday they walked in my lab as something was exploding. That took some explaining."

"That's not a hard feat to manage," Levi shot back, recovering from his momentary shock, but Hanji was already on her way.

Once she was gone, Levi reached out and cupped Eren's cheek, turning his head back to him. "If you want, you can sleep on the couch here until I can come home. It's just as uncomfortable as you remember, I'm sure."

Eren nodded enthusiastically and rested his head back on Levi's shoulder. After a few minutes, the croaked words came from his throat again. "Levi… love you."

Levi sighed softly and pressed his cheek against the top of Eren's head. "Me, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my lovelies, the thing that Eren is doing in this chapter is a real, medical thing. I'm very excited about this fact. It's called esophageal speech and if you want to know exactly how rough Eren sounds, you can google it. It's also super, super difficult, from what I've read so this isn't a cure all. He's still going to rely pretty heavily on his board and on mouthing words.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi says something dumb and makes some less than savory plans and Eren gets in a bit of trouble.

"And, if you would be so kind as to tell me, Expeditions Officer Levi, why is there a civilian holed up in your office?" The government dog leered down his nose at Levi and it took all he had not to let his eye twitch. "And a retarded one, at that. Please explain to me how that isn't a liability."

Out of the corner of his eye, Levi took in Eren's appearance. He was sitting on the couch in Levi's office, his face pinched in an equal mix of rage and hurt, his fists balled on his knees, all but vibrating with the anger he knew he couldn't release now. Levi made a small sound discontentment at his condition. All in all, he was doing a fine job of keeping himself restrained, knowing Levi's job was riding on catering to these pigs, but Levi was reaching the end of his rope. 

The first few days had the government agents coming and going as they pleased, each time all but laughing at Levi sitting pensively behind his desk with nothing to do and sneering at Eren for daring to be there. Now, this, and Levi wasn't sure how much more he could take. He swore to himself, the next one to refer to Eren as a retard was going to be eating through a straw for the rest of their life. 

The pencil in his hand snapped. The splinters in his palm brought him back from the edge of rage, oddly enough. "Occasionally, while I sit here and do my absolutely overflowing stacks of work, I like to have a stress reliever. Haven't found a cocksucker better than that one. Would you like to try him out,  _ Sir _ ?" Levi's words were positively dripping with sarcasm and he leaned back in his chair as the officer in front of him sputtered and flushed. 

Eren looked torn between embarrassment and amusement. Good, that anger seemed to have melted away completely. Honestly, saying something so callous and, frankly, untrue could have gone either way. Either way, Levi mused as the officer continued his sputtering, Eren would have been redirected. 

In actuality, Levi hadn't so much as kissed Eren again, let alone had the man between his thighs, but the officer didn't need to know that. The statement had done its job of shaking up the officer and it seemed as though he didn't recognize Eren as the former titan shifter. Best to keep it that way.

"Best to knock before you come in next time, don't you think, Sir?" Levi said, idly picking up a fresh pencil after dusting the remains of the old one into the waste bin.

When the officer left, still blubbering incoherently, Eren held up his board.  _ Levi! I wish I could yell at you right now! That was so inappropriate! _

Levi nodded. “That’s true, but I was getting tired of his attitude. Sorry for making you sound like a cheap whore, but I didn’t want him to notice who you actually were.”

Eren nodded.  _ I could help you relieve some stress, you know… _

Levi tensed slightly as he studied the board presented to him. “Perhaps later, after we go home, Eren,” he said softly. 

Eren nodded agreeably and went back to playing with his board. After a few minutes the board was presented to him again.  _ It's funny to hear you calling someone sir. _

"Was my sarcasm not clear enough?" Levi shot back.

_ No, I think everyone could hear that, but it's still odd _ .

"Despite the fact that you all seem hellbent on forgetting it, I was demoted," Levi pointed out. 

_ When has rank ever effected how you address someone? _

"Fair point," Levi nodded. "Now, Hanji requested that I come and see her when that shitstain was finally done with me so why don't you come with me and I'll drop your off with your friends? You need to see more people than me from time to time."

Eren nodded and let Levi pull him to his feet and pack up his board. It was almost lunchtime, so Levi lead Eren to the mess hall. However, a few feet from the entrance, Eren put on the brakes. Levi looked at him curiously, and Eren shook his head hard.  _ I can't go in there. Mikasa and Armin are one thing but-- _ And then his word started coming too fast for Levi to catch.

Levi gently squeezed his arm, pulling Eren's attention to him. "Calm down. I'll go get them, you wait here."

Eren nodded slowly and Levi offered him a tiny smile. 

Levi swept into the mess hall with all of the authority he used to have. After all, he might be fond of reminding people he had been demoted, but those stupid government agents were everywhere and nothing seemed to grind their gears more than Levi behaving like he still held the power of the Survey Corp's second in command. 

He pointed at his targets with authority. "Arlert, Ackerman. You have a visitor. Look after him for me, will you?"

The two leapt up, and made their way to the door, pausing only momentarily by Levi. "E-e-eren?" Armin asked.

Levi nodded. "I have to go see Hanji. He's cleared to be anywhere on base, so it doesn't matter where you take him as long as he makes it back to my office by the end of the day."

"Thank you, Captain," Mikasa said with a stiff salute, and then she leaned forward and spoke softly. "Those government pigs are watching us closely. I'm beginning to be concerned about their intentions."

Levi nodded in response. "I'm sure my meeting with Hanji will address that. I'll keep you informed. For now, go look after Eren for me. As of now, I don't think they realize who he is and I'd like to keep it that way."

Armin and Mikasa nodded and made their way outside. Levi hesitated for a few seconds, giving the government soldiers a nice, long glare before he headed on his way, as well. He spared a moment to meet Eren's bright smile, sent to him over Mikasa's shoulder as she hugged him tightly, and offer a tiny one of his own before heading to Hanji's office. 

"Hey, bunny," Hanji said brightly, once he had closed the door behind him.

Levi scowled. "What have I said about the pet names?"

Hanji waved her hands dismissively, but her face slid into seriousness. "I sent a letter to Historia. I can't help but think that this survey wasn't sanctioned by her and, if it was, she isn't aware of the trouble the government soldiers are making for us."

Levi leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. "Sure, they're annoying, but I don't think that they've made all that much trouble."

Hanji pursued her lips and rifled around on her desk before pulling out a stack of papers and flopping it down in front of her. "This is a list of soldiers under my command that have received some form of punishment for fighting with them. I've questioned each one and they all say the same thing: the MP soldiers that came here started arguments and fights with them or civilians and they stepped up to put them in their places, but then the government soldiers would start waving their orders like flags of invulnerability and then the Survey Corps soldiers are the ones that end up in trouble. They're baiting my soldiers and then walking away without even a slap on the wrist. At this rate, they're going to get everything they wanted and more and I  _ will not _ just stand by and let them take it."

Levi frowned. "That makes more sense than I'd like to admit," he muttered. "In light of this information, I'd think that they've even been baiting me."

"What do you mean? Who would be that suicidal?" Hanji raised her eyebrows.

"Some idiot has been coming to my office every day and asking me rude questions about Eren. Today I almost snapped on them, but I was so focused on trying to soothe Eren's anger that I just said some inappropriate things instead."

Hanji cackled. "Inappropriate how?" 

Levi just raised an eyebrow at her and moved on. "What you're saying makes sense, however. Now that I think about it, anyone here under Historia's order would know who Eren is. As of now, they just think he's a cheap whore."

Hanji opened her mouth and then snapped it shut. After a moment, she shook her head. "Even I don't want to know how they came to think that. For now, though, we need to find a way to minimize the number of our people getting in trouble for engaging with the MP."

"You're not actually punishing them, are you?" Levi scoffed.

"Of course not. The worst offenders have received a day off, but they're leaving a paper trail," Hanji laughed.

Levi pushed off the wall and eyed the papers on the desk. "Burn it."

"What?" Hanji blinked. 

"Burn the paper trail," Levi shrugged. "Who gives a fuck?"

"I'm sure they have their own documentation," Hanji pointed out with a sigh.

"Burn the papers, Hanji. Don't worry about anything else," Levi replied and turned away, heading towards the door.

"What are you going to do?" Hanji said softly.

"Did I not just say don't worry about it?" Levi replied darkly.

"Levi," Hanji stepped forward and gently touched his arm. "You're not a thug anymore. You haven't been one in a long time. You're a soldier, loyal to the crown. Don't do anything stupid."

Levi looked at the hand on his arm and hugged through his nose. "Who I swore my heart to is no longer alive to stop me, Hanji. My loyalty was to Erwin Smith and while I fight for the Corps now, what you need now might not be a soldier."

Hanji struggled for a few moments before she let go of his arm. "Don't get caught. Eren needs you."

Levi nodded and strode from the room. He spent the rest of the day following the movement of the higher ranked MP officers, figuring out which one had the Intel he was looking for. By nightfall, he had a target and a plan and he headed back to his office to rest before putting it into action.

Walking into his office, he caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eye. Eren, it was just Eren, he told himself as he forced his defenses to lower, sitting on the couch in the dark.

Eyeing the dark shape out of the corner of his eye, he went to light the lamp. "Have a good time with your friends?" He asked as light filled the room with it's soft glow.

Eren didn't say anything and when Lwvi turned to face him his eyes widened. Eren shifted uncomfortably under Levi's gaze and the raven strode over to him, suffocating down his emotions as he carefully took Eren's chin between his fingers and turned his head side to side. There were dark, purpling bruises marring that beautiful golden skin and Eren's eyes seemed to be unable to meet Levi's.

"Who did this to you?" Levi asked, his voice quiet, but hard.

Eren opened his mouth, but he shut it again and huffed out a breath. Slowly, he shook his head, freeing it from Levi's grip. 

"Eren," Levi said in a warning tone. 

Eren raised his eyes hesitantly and met Levi's gaze. He chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments before he lifted his board off his lap. There was a prewritten message there, but Levi could see the hesitation, like Eren didn't actually want to show him what he had put there.

_ Seems that some of the other government soldiers heard you were keeping a whore and wanted to take me for a test ride. _

Levi felt the entire world fall out from under him. How many times? How many times had his stupid mouth spit fire and vitriol and sarcasm that had come back to bite him? How many times had he gotten people hurt by taunting and spouting off without thinking?  _ How many times? _

"Eren, I'm so sorry," Levi whispered.

Eren shook his head and pointed to the bottom of the board, which had a second message that Levi had missed originally.  _ Not as bad as it looks and I got my payback. I bit the fucker's dick. What a bad whore I am. _

Levi huffed out a laugh at the smug look on Eren's face but then his face sobered and he sunk down onto the couch next to Eren and gently stroked his hair out of his face. "I'm proud of you, but still, this is my fault. I said something careless."

Eren shrugged half heartedly and sat quietly next to Levi for a few seconds before he positively flung himself into Levi's chest. Levi wrapped his arms around Eren's shoulders and ran his fingers soothingly through his hair.

"I was… scared," Eren croaked out.

Levi's fingers tightened in that soft chestnut hair and he held Eren against him harder. "I--" Levi started but Eren was shaking his head almost violently, so Levi waited for him to finish his thoughts.

"I don't think… I realized… I'm human… before today," Eren slowly pushed the words out. "I was… so scared… they'd kill me… and I'd leave… you alone. That they'd… make me… a liar."

Levi couldn't help the tiny sound of anguish that escaped his throat. He pulled Eren as tight against him as he could and he could feel Eren's fingers twitching against his back before they finally dug into his flesh through his shirt, taking hold of Levi as tightly as he could. The sting of the grip didn't bother Levi one bit as he held the shaking brunette in his arms just as tightly. 

After what could have been minutes or hours, Levi didn't know, nor did he care, Eren fell asleep in his arms. He lay there, the brunette sprawled across him, listening to him breathe deeply and evenly, knowing he had something to do tonight but not wanting to leave the small bubble that was this couch, completely unfit for two bodies and yet, the most comfortable place Levi had laid in a long, long time. 

Carefully, he untangled himself from Eren and spread the blanket that hung over the back of the couch over him to try and replace his own warmth. The MP would pay, if it was the last thing that Levi did, and that started tonight. They had dared touch what was his and he would not let that stand.

Taking one last glance back at Eren sleeping peacefully, beautiful despite the bruises that bloomed across his face, Levi left with determination. He had business to take care of. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which monsters are unleashed, names are found and secrets are told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh... so, I've updated the tags after this chapter. The last bit has some gore stuff in it. I didn't go into it much, but do be forewarned, my lovelies.

There was barely any natural light tonight, as it approached a new moon. Levi estimated that it would be two or three more days until complete darkness surrounded him. That was fine, he mused as he snuck towards the quarters given to the visiting officials. In the underground, there was darkness most times, unless someone was lucky enough to get a candle, so his eyes had long ago adjusted to see well in blackness. It was something that he'd never lost, even after all of his years on the surface, something he had used for the Corps by being night watch when out on missions. 

Now, it served him just as well, as he slowly pushed open the door to the room his target slept in, careful to keep the hinges from creaking. Looking over the sleeping man with disdain, Levi sighed internally. This man would have to be silenced, if he were to completely erase the paper trail, after all, he surely had memory of what he had written down. While it would be easiest to just slit his throat right now while he slept, Levi knew that could just lead to repercussions on the Corps. He would have to take this man in broad daylight, while he was off the base. Luckily, the soldiers seemed to go into town frequently.

Levi crouched down by the bag sitting on the floor and opened it, pulling out the papers he was looking for before he retreated from the room. The only other issue he had was finding the men who tried to force themselves on Eren. Levi made a left instead of a right at the next turn, diverting from his original destination of Hanji's office. Instead he followed the halls to medical. There was a chance, however small, that the idiot had gone there to seek medical treatment for his bitten dick. 

Levi slipped into the room at medical as silently as he had gone into the last room. There was no point in announcing his presence--in fact, it would work against him. Leafing through the medical files on the head doctor's desk, he quickly found what he was looking for. One Nicholas Kellinger, treated for severe lacerations on his groin.

Levi smiled internally at the detail in the report. It seemed that Eren had gotten him good, but it wasn't enough. This man would pay, and he would tell Levi who else was present for the attack. No one would get away with hurting Eren.

Taking the paper with him, Levi made his way out and resumed his previous route to Hanji's office. As expected, she was still awake, hunched over her desk.

"Did you burn it?" He asked, closing the door behind him.

"Of course I did," Hanji replied, not looking up. "Don't really know why, but I did it. Do you know how much trouble I could get in for purposely destroying disciplinary reports?"

Levi tossed the stolen notebook onto her desk. "Probably about as much as Erwin could have for expunging my record."

"Is this what I think it is?" Hanji tapped the notebook while looking at Levi with an almost baffled look on her face.

"If you think it's the MP's records, then yes, it is. Burn it as well and your problems are over," Levi shrugged and then tossed the second paper onto her desk. "I also need to know where I can find this asshole."

"Levi where did you--no, I don't want to know. You don't want to know, Hanji, don't ask. You don't need to know everything," Hanji buried her hands into her hair for a second as she talked to herself, eyeing the second paper. "Why do you need to know where… Nicholas Kellinger is?"

"Did you not just tell yourself you don't need to know everything?" 

And there was something in the look in Levi's eyes, a darkness that Hanji hadn't seen since the early days of the man's time in the Corps, back when he was sure that he would be returning to underground, back before he trusted them--she didn't ask. There was no answer that Levi could give that would shake the cold fear that darkness had sent down her spine. Because  _ Hanji _ had let this monster out of its cage. The dormant beast that had been sleeping inside of Levi had opened its eyes and was ready to begin a rampage. Unlike most, Hanji had seen this creature in action, had warned Erwin early on that the man from the underground had bested him in combat, only to give himself up, had told him that they would never be able to control him. Had been proven both right and wrong when Levi tried to kill Erwin and then joined the Corps. Unlike most, Hanji knew that Levi had voluntarily put the monster inside to sleep, that he had refused to be tamed, just offered his heart to the cause. Levi was no dog of the military. He was a true beast and the government had been lucky that he had been loyal for so long. 

Hanji slowly looked back up at Levi and held up the intelligence report she had of the visiting soldier's movements. When Levi reached out to take it, she tightened her grip. "You have a family here."

Levi looked surprised for a second, before he pulled the paper out of her hands and turned away. "I'm sending Eren to you for tomorrow. I'll be busy."

"Okay, Levi," Hanji whispered as the door swung shut behind him. 

``~`**`~``

Hanji picked Eren up early the next morning. Eren could tell she was biting her tongue about the bruises on his face, but he would be in for an interrogation once they got to her office. And he wasnt wrong. After hearing about his attack and how Levi had found Eren and held him while he cried over it, Hanji's head was in her hands.

"So this is why the monster is loose," she muttered and Eren tilted his head in confusion. "Eren, do you know why you're here, with me?"

_ Levi said he had something he needed to do. _

Hanji sighed and then stood, locking her office door before plopping back onto her chair and folding her hands calmly in front of her. "I'm going to tell you a story that isn't truly mine to tell, but I need you to know it, and I need you to understand that I need your help now."

Eren nodded, confusion still on his face. Hanji continued. "The first time I met Levi, we were hunting him in the underground for a whole laundry list of crimes. Theft, assault, destruction of property… murder. His rap sheet was longer than he is tall, and I know what you're thinking from that look on your face, Levi's record is clear now because Erwin erased any mention of his crimes when Levi swore his heart to him. What I saw, when I first laid eyes on Levi, was not a man but a wild beast. I could understand why there were whispers from soldiers he had attacked, calling him the monster of the underground. Even as he was forced to kneel before Erwin, all I could think was 'this man is dangerous'. I even warned Erwin that we could never control the raging beast that was inside Levi, but Erwin saw something that I could not. Behind the creature I feared was a loyal soul and after the people he came up here with died, Levi dedicated himself to Erwin's cause."

"Farlan," Eren croaked out, interrupting Hanji.

She nodded, surprise lacing her features. "Yes. Farlan and Isabel. His lover and his sister. I'm surprised he mentioned them at all."

"Barely," Eren replied, looking vaguely uncomfortable. 

Hanji offered him a sympathetic look before she continued. "That same man, with the beast inside, became the closest thing I have left to family. I would die for Levi if it came down to it, but there were some things I was right about. We, the Survey Corps, Erwin, myself, could never truly tame the beast. Levi alone held that power, and he put it to sleep to be a soldier. And now, when the soldier that we know as humanity's strongest is no longer needed, when what he cares about has been threatened--the Corps and  _ you _ \--the creature is raising its head. It is returning from its slumber to protect us, but what Levi doesn't understand is that being a monster will get him killed. The Corps doesn't hold the power it once did and I do not have the sway Erwin had. If he is caught, I cannot protect him the way that Erwin did. I cannot clear his record. Does the name Nicholas Kellinger sound at all familiar to you?"

Eren shook his head, but then hesitated. He carefully arranged some words on his board before holding it up.  _ The man that I bit. His friends called him Nick. _

Hanji sighed deeply. "Yes, and the monster of the underground is on the move already."

Eren looked conflicted for a moment before his and flew across his board.  _ I thought they deserved to die because of how little they respected human life, but I can't lose Levi now that we finally found each other. _

"I know. And that's why I need your help. You are the only one with the chance to calm the beast, because for you, Levi would give anything."

Eren swallowed thickly. "I'll… stop him."

"Thank you," Hanji smiled weakly.

Eren nodded.  _ It's for me, too. _

``~`**`~``

Levi sat quietly, watching the panicking man tied to the chair in front of him. The man had light shining in his eyes while Levi sat in the shadows, completely hiding himself from view. 

"I'm a soldier you know! You'll be in so much trouble for this!" The terrified shouted.

Finally, Levi leaned forward in his seat. He'd been sitting there for almost an hour, letting the man wake up and then stew in his predicament. "I know exactly who you are, Nicholas Kellinger."

Nicholas stilled, his eyes wide with fear. "Who are you?"

Levi remained silent for a few moments before he sat back. "I wonder, if there is still legends in the MPs about the monster of the underground. Have you heard any?"

Nicholas didn't answer for a full minute, probably weighing his options, before he slowly nodded. "I have. He was a beast that would attack and maim or kill MP soldiers and steal everything they had. They say he's dead now, though."

"He was resting," Levi corrected idly. "He was needed for other, more important things, but now…" Levi stood and stepped into the light of the lamp and out of the that had been concealing his identity. "I'm back."

"Cap--Officer Levi?" Nicholas stuttered, but then his face hardened. "Oh, you're so screwed. When I get out of here--"

"You'll tell your commanding officer who I was and what I've done?" Levi cut in. "You presume too much, boy. You think I will let you out of here alive? No, no, I won't do that. Do you know why?"

"No! I've done nothing wrong!" Nicholas cried.

"You touched what is mine," Levi hissed. "You bruised a beautiful face that  _ belongs to me _ . You tried to put your disgusting cock down his throat. You thought there would be no punishment?"

"That… that whore?" Nicholas' mouth was hanging open in shock.

"That whore, as you put it, is my partner. He is  _ mine _ and no one else's. Who gave you permission to put your filthy hands on him?" Levi shook his head as Nicholas went to respond. "It doesn't matter what your answer is. The only true question is are you going to die slowly and painfully or quick and mercifully? The answer depends on you and how quickly you tell me who else laid hands on Eren."

"E-eren…" Nicholas whimpered. "Isn't… is that guy the former shifter?"

Levi stepped forward swiftly and planted his boot against Nicholas' already damaged groin, making the man cry out in pain as he leaned his entire body weight into it. "Slowly and painfully it is."

It took Levi less than 30 minutes to get what he wanted--3 more names. He looked down at the pathetic, whimpering mess in front of him, barely recognizable as Nicholas Kellinger. Levi took a hold of his hair and tilted his head back to look at him--with the one eye that was still in its socket.

"Seems almost crueler to leave you alive, now," he said, his voice bland and uninterested. "But can't have you going and blabbing about this to anyone… though…"

Levi let a sadistic grin spread across his face and he lifted his blade and slid it across Nicholas' throat, careful not to cut anything that would bleed too much. Halfway through Levi's work, his target was confirmed as Nicholas' voice turned into nothing but gurgles.

Then, he slowly and meticulously broke both of the man's hands before cutting him free of the ropes. "There, now. You probably should have chosen quick and merciful, but I'm going to leave you here now. Good luck getting out. We're in the underground right now and they won't let you up without this," Levi waved Nicholas' identification. "Especially when you can't tell them who you are."

Levi waved and then walked out of the shack he had been in. He looked around at his old stomping grounds and sighed softly. He never thought he'd be back here, not like this and definitely not alone.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a teenager eyeing him. "I'm not dumb enough to bring money down here, you little shit, stop eyeing me like I'm a prize to be robbed."

The kid startled, but then he stepped out of the alley. "I heard you tell the guy you killed in there that you are the monster of the underground. Are you really?"

"Trying to get yourself killed, kid?" Levi asked.

"We have stories about you! You were the protector of everyone who couldn't protect themselves! And then you found your way topside and proved that even us trash could become something," the kid replied, and if Levi didn't know better, he'd think the teen was a little star struck. 

"You want to go topside?"

"Who doesn't?" The kid looked offended.

"Fine. Here, you can be Nicholas Kellinger. That's who that bastard in there was. I'd advise you to avoid flaunting it, though, because as soon as he doesn't show up tomorrow he'll be a deserter of the Military Police. If you tell anyone who I am, I'll find you and I'll fucking kill you," Levi tossed the identification to the kid. "Have a good life, Nicholas."

Leaving the dumbfounded teenager standing in the street, Levi made his way back up to the surface and back towards headquarters. Tomorrow would be another long day, another victim to pick up, more death to be had. Tonight, though, Levi had already decided to stand under the hottest shower he could get into and try to wash Nicholas Kellinger's screams out of his mind.

No matter how he had acted, Levi was not the same man that had lived in the underground. Back then, this wouldn't have bothered him. That man was not under his protection and had attacked someone who was. There was no point in showing him any mercy. The Levi of the past wouldn't have lost even a wink of sleep over what he had just done. Hell, he had done much of the same to the men who had committed similar atrocities towards Isabel back then.

But now… Levi had spent so long protecting human life that he had forgotten what it was to desire taking it. Even when he had killed men in the service of the Survey Corps, he hadn't done it for anything other than orders or to protect his squad. What he had done today had been earned by the man he had left in the shack, but Levi found that he didn't get that sick satisfaction from it that he remembered feeling long ago. 

Now, he just felt dirty. That wouldn't stop him from finishing the job, though. Three more names to go.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren's confidence is built and Levi's humanity comes to bite him.

Wiggles made Eren's presence known before the man himself did. Levi sighed softly, looking down at the puppy that was flailing around at his feet, drawing his attention from where he had been watching his next target from the window of his office. A few seconds later, Eren slowly made his way into the room, bracing himself against the wall with a stiff arm.

"Where's Hanji?" Levi asked, looking back out the window. Ever since Eren had been attacked, Levi had spoken to his friends and Hanji, insisting that the man not be left alone for any length of time. Apparently, on the night of the incident, Eren had insisted that he could get back to Levi's office on his own and Armin and Mikasa had let him go.

Eren didn't answer, which didn't really surprise Levi. Either he was messing with his board to write out the answer or he would come over to get Levi's attention and mouth the words to him. Talking was very difficult for him, still, and probably always would be. Hanji had explained that what she had taught Eren to do was not the same as regular speaking, but an entirely different way to get the words out that bypassed the vocal cords entirely, and that Eren would probably not use the method unless it was for short, easy sentences.

Eren stumbled his way over to Levi and rested his board against the windowsill before leaning down to rest his chin on the top of Levi's head.  _ She left me at the door. Apparently she had something she had to go do. _

Levi hummed in response, a little miffed to be used as a chin rest. While he estimated that Eren had finally finished growing at about as tall as Mike had been, Eren had remained leaner than the hulking blonde. While Eren did have substantial muscle mass, it was about as obvious when clothed as Levi's. However, the stupid giant didn't need to constantly remind him of how small he was in comparison.

Pulling away, upsetting Wiggles from his place on his back, sprawled across Levi's feet, the raven glared up at Eren. "And what do you think you're doing?"

Eren laughed silently, obviously knowing what he had done.  _ Come back here, you're comfortable.  _ He mouthed. Wiggles bounded around them for a few moments before making his way over the couch and scrambling up on it to flop over.

"Your chin isn't," Levi shot back, rubbing the top of his head. Eren just laughed harder. Levi sighed fondly, unable to even pretend to stay mad as Eren's eyes glittered with amusement. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Eren, resting his cheek against the chest in front of him. "Fucking giant, one day I'm going to make you carry me around so you can know at least a little bit of my pain."

Eren's entire body went stiff at the declaration and Levi pulled back to look at his face, reading the conflicted look in those green eyes. Eren reached out for his board and slowly arranged the letters, his face just getting more stormy as he went. 

_ I can't. What if I dropped you? What if we fell? I could hurt you. I'm sorry. You deserve better than this. You deserve someone who can dote on you. _

"Cut it out," Levi whispered, his voice refusing to come out strong. He was so stupid, saying something like that. Sure, Eren had been doing better at walking on his own, especially after he had made his way to the base all on his own, but he still often relied heavily on Levi's support.

Levi was aware that often it was due to the fact that he was a safety blanket of sorts for Eren. While he knew that Eren needed to start being more self sufficient, that he was capable of it no matter what anyone else said, Levi treasured the trust the brunette put in him. However, he was relatively certain that he didn't deserve it. More often than not he got Eren into more trouble than he saved him from. This had been true for the majority of the time they had known each other. If anyone deserved better it was Eren.

Carefully placing his hands over Eren's on the board, stalling out his movement, he drew those green eyes back to him. "I wouldn't say it if I didn't trust you. And yes, you might drop me, but it's not like I haven't dropped you."

Eren gave him a deadpan look.  _ Once _ .

Levi nodded. "Yes, but it happened."

Levi glanced back towards the window, momentarily distracted by what he had planned to do today, but Eren was more important. He could find his target again later.

"Here," Levi said softly and opened his arms. "You can do more than you think you can. Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you. Pick me up."

Eren hesitated, staring hard at Levi like he was trying to perform some mental gymnastics over the task laid in front of him. Levi's patience gave out before Eren's thoughts finished. Stepping closer, Levi took Eren's hands and placed them at his own waist.

"Bend your knees a bit," he instructed. "Come on. You're strong. You helped me build a porch, for fucks sake, and I see you naked every day. I know the muscle is there. Lift me."

Eren hesitated for another second before jerkily taking Levi off his feet. The way his forehead wrinkled with worry almost made Levi laugh, but instead he gently ran his hands over Eren's tense arms. "A little more, come on, Eren," Levi guided and Eren obeyed. 

Once he was high enough, Levi wrapped his legs around Eren's waist and places his hands on those strong shoulders. Carefully, Eren's hands slid around to support Levi's back and ass, barely jerking on their way. Levi offered Eren a small smile. "See? You got me."

Eren grinned back proudly. "Don't think… I should… walk."

"You could. I trust you," Levi looked seriously into Eren's eyes as he said it.

Instead, Eren shook his head and carefully slid his hand up Levi's back, into his hair. For a second, it seemed like the hand was going to entirely abandon its job of holding onto Levi, momentarily jerked out and away from his body, but Eren managed to bring it back without slapping Levi in the back of the head. Secretly, Levi was very pleased by that fact, but he didn't have time to dwell on it as Eren guided Levi down to him and into a kiss. 

It was slow and gentle, hesitant, almost as if Eren wasn't sure he was allowed to have this, but Levi quickly took it over, sliding his arms further around Eren's neck so he could lace his own fingers into brown locks with one hand while the other cupped Eren's cheek lovingly, guiding his head back a bit more so that he could get a good angle to slide his tongue into the other's mouth.

Eren's chest heaved with silent sounds of pleasure as Levi kissed him, and Levi could only imagine what they would sound like if Eren still had his voice. The little moans and mewls would probably have sounded so erotic, and they did in Levi's imagination, but that's where they would remain. 

Pulling back, Levi ran his thumb over Eren's lips before gently tapping them, meeting those hazy green eyes. "This isn't so bad, huh?" He teased. Eren shook his head, almost looking dazed. 

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think you'd never been kissed before. You're so responsive."

"I…" Eren croaked but then closed his mouth and shook his head, huffing out a frustrated sounding breath before patting a Levi a little harder than he had probably intended in the back. Even so, Levi took it as the signal it was, unwound his legs from Eren's waist and slid to the ground. 

Eren retrieved his board from where it had been left on the windowsill and plopped down in Levi's desk chair like he owned the place. Levi stood next to him and watched the words form.

_ It was always you, Captain. Even when you rejected me, I couldn't get you out of my head and it felt wrong to use someone as your replacement, so no, I've never been kissed before. _

And wasn't that like the worst kind of bolt of lightning snaking down Levi's spine. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Basically, even without having accepted Eren's feelings, he had held the younger man hostage in love. It had been one of the reasons he had turned him down in the first place--the knowledge that Eren could get someone so much better than him should the brunette chose, but Eren had been stuck on him.

Levi stepped forward and carefully pushed Eren's hands to the sides, out of the way, before he arranged himself in the younger man's lap. With his legs perpendicular to Eren's--dangling uselessly in the air, curse his shortness--Levi curled himself against Eren's chest. 

Head tucked against a broad shoulder, Levi whispered his remorse. "At the time, when you first confessed, I had thought about how you could do so much better than me. I told you, that part of my hesitation was that you'd see how not worth it I am and leave, and to me that seemed like a very likely scenario. I couldn't fathom what someone who burned as brightly as you do could want with me longterm--still don't, really, but I decided to trust you. Either way, Eren, one day you'll see, and truly understand, how little I am capable of offering you and maybe then you'll leave me for someone worthy of your love. I won't blame you. I'll understand. I promise."

One of Eren's big hands came up and wrapped around Levi's head, holding him firmly against him--the positioning was odd, Eren's hand had jerked slightly at the last second and ended up landing so long, tanned fingers twitched slightly over his eyes, forcing them shut, but Eren didn't try to correct it. He just held Levi against him and eventually, lifted his hand and offered him his board. He had managed to complete a few sentences with one hand, which impressed Levi, if he was being honest.

_ Why are you like this all the time? You said something similar the other day, too. What's it going to take for you to see your own worth? If anything, I should be telling you that. How long are you gonna want to wipe my ass AND kiss me? _

Levi huffed and pushed the board away from him on the desk. "Until the day I die, you shit."

Eren looked at him and Levi could see the doubt and worry tainting those beautiful green eyes. "I spent nearly a decade thinking this over. In what world would I change my mind?"

Eren sighed and Levi curled tighter against him. "I'm here for as long as you want me, you little shit. Accept it."

"Forever," the rumbling word from Eren's throat made Levi feel tingly inside.

"Sounds good to me," he whispered back.

And for once, Eren's mind and body seemed to be in agreement as his arms came up and wrapped around Levi tightly, no jerking in sight.

``~`**`~``

This time, having not needed information, Levi hadn't given his target the luxury of picking a merciful death or a torturous one. He had made the man bleed, made him scream and cry and beg for mercy, of which he got none. He had killed him slowly and painfully.

When it was all over, a mangled, unrecognizable corpse left in a dark room in the underground, Levi slowly walked out the door, looking down at his blood soaked hands. Without warning, his stomach lurched and he darted to the side, heaving his guts into the nearby alley. 

Sighing once he had finished expelling the contents of his stomach, Levi grimaced and glanced back down at his hands. They needed to be cleaned before he returned to the surface. As he scrubbed them in the filthy water from a nearby pump, he idly wondered if his hands would ever be clean again.

No, they had never been clean, not since the first man he killed at thirteen. He scrubbed those hands harder, like he could actually see the blood of all those people whose lives he had taken on them. Like if he washed then enough, they wouldn't be permanently stained red in his mind's eye. God, how could he touch Eren with these hands?

His hands scrubbed raw, Levi leaned against the pump and breathed deeply. Only two more names to go. He could do it. He would finish the job before it finished him. He could make it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which saving is done, a debt is repaid, and Eren does his best.

Eren couldn't wait any longer. When Levi had returned to his office the night before, the man had been shaken and pale. He had barely said a word to Eren, and the brunette could tell that Levi was being eaten alive from the inside out.

Hanji had said that the reason Levi returning to his old ways was dangerous was because he could get caught--hell, he had been caught in the height of his thug career, but Eren knew better. Levi getting caught was the least of their worries. Sure, Eren didn't know Levi before he was a soldier, a symbol of light in the darkness, but he knew him now. He couldn't speak to what Levi had been like, how hard his heart had been, how he had suffered, but from what Hanji had said… well, he could read between the lines. 

The monster of the underground, as he had called him, had been heartless. Cold, detached and unbothered by the loss of human life. He had been a product of necessity, Eren was sure, from the life Levi had lead. From what he knew of the underground, Eren could see how it had carved the monster out of Levi. But then Levi had come above ground. He had joined the Corps and lived in the light of the outside world. He had learned to care about his comrades, about individuals, about humanity as a whole. He had gone from the monster Hanji had spoken of to the greatest protector that humanity had. His hard heart had softened, had become unfrozen and began to beat, for maybe the first time. He had learned what it truly meant to love, first with Erwin and then with Eren himself. He had learned how loss could break even the strongest man, starting with his sister, Isabel, and first lover, Farlan.

Yes, Levi had put the beast residing withing him to sleep of his own accord, but it had slumbered for so long that it had been near death when Levi had roused it. What remained of the monster of the underground was a pale shadow, flickering towards disappearing completely. Levi's now fragile but ever beating heart, his _humanit_ y, could not be swallowed by the creature and it was killing him. He was doing what he had to do--what he thought he had to do--to protect what he cared about, but the Levi of today was slowly crumbling under the weight of who he was trying to resurrect.

Eren had to save him. Eren might be the only one capable of it and he refused to fail. Not now, not that he finally had Levi. He loved him too much to just stand by and watch it happen. 

It was with that thought that he left Hanji at the entrance to the underground with Wiggles, continuing to follow Levi on his own. She had been against him going by himself, but Eren knew that if he was to save Levi, he had to do it alone. Hanji's presence, while often times the needed push, could go the opposite direction here.

The ground down there was uneven, and Eren knew he would be a patchwork of bruises come the next day with his many times his stumbling gait had tripped him up, leaving him sprawled on the ground, in his pursuit. But he couldn't stop, couldn't relent, had to keep up with his wayward lover--could he actually call Levi that when they'd only kissed twice?--had to stop him before Levi lost his life to his own past.

"Eren?" Levi looked like he had seen a ghost, having turned at an alarming speed when Eren had crashed through the door, half tripping over a loose floorboard and just managing to catch himself on the door jam.

"Levi," Eren forced out of his throat. The room was dim, lot by a few candles, but it would be enough for Levi to see his board.

"What are you doing here? Are you alone? Who left you alone?" Levi sputtered over his words, worry clear in his silvery eyes.

"You," Eren growled out, but he pulled his board from his satchel and held it out for Levi to read.

_I know you're protecting me, my honor, whatever. You're punishing the people who hurt me and I understand. I really do. If our roles were reversed, I'd be in the same place, but this isn't who you are anymore. I can see you suffering as you determinedly push onwards and now it's my turn to protect you. It's okay, Levi. I'm safe and no one will hurt me again, not with the protection detail you have enlisted to look after me at all times. Don't do this. Leave this asshole and take me home._

"Eren," Levi breathed, and then slowly nodded. "Okay. Okay, let's go back."

Eren beamed at him, but then movement registered out of the corner of his eye and the world stopped. The man that had been unconscious was leaping out of his chair and snatched the knife off Levi's belt, sinking it into the older man's side in the blink of an eye.

If Eren could have screamed, he would have, but as it was his mouth opened uselessly as his soul roared in anguish as his arms jerked at his sides erratically. Levi gasped, his hands coming up to hold his side, he turned, the knife pulling both from the man's fingers and from its sheath within Levi's body and clattered to the floor. Levi blinked in shock at the man, clutching his side, before he swung his fist, socking the man in the jaw before his hands returned to his injury. He looked at Eren with an almost perplexed look in his eyes before he began to sway, the sound of blood splattering on the ground nearly echoing in the otherwise silent room.

And then Eren moved. He moved with more confidence and fluidity than he had since his surgery. His brain shut down completely and his body just went. Catching Levi with one hand and lowering him safely to the ground, Eren grabbed the knife and lunged. All of his old training came back in muscle memory and he easily subdued the attacker, but he didn't stop there. He went beyond training muscle memory and suddenly, he was staring down the human traffickers that had tried to kidnap Mikasa when they were nine all over again. Eren’s body shook, but it wasn’t with jerking, unpredictable muscles, no this time the shivers were of rage. Straddling the man, Eren sunk the knife into his chest over and over until he was sure his breath had stopped. He knew it was as excessive as it had been the first time he had stabbed a man to death, but he couldn’t stop, not until he was certain that Levi was safe. That the man wouldn’t hurt Levi again. In a daze, he looked around, almost expecting another attacker like last time, this time prepared to take on whoever tried to throw themselves at him, but no one else was there. They were alone in a dingy, dirty shack in the underground and Levi--Levi was staring at him with glassy eyes, still holding his wound and swiftly bleeding out.

The world came back to him in a rush. Letting go of the knife jerkily, Eren dragged himself over to Levi and pawed uselessly at his chest. Fuck, they needed help. They needed someone to come. Someone who could carry Levi to safety, who could get him to a doctor.

"Are…" Levi started, but his breath came sharp and rough, interrupting him as the ever growing pool of blood on the floor around him expanded. "Are you okay?"

Eren heaved a slow breath and then tugged roughly on Levi's shirt. "Need… off. Take it… off. Help me," Eren wheezed.

Levi's eyelids fluttered, but he obeyed Eren's words, wincing ever so slightly as he shed the shirt. Without hesitation, Eren balled it up and pressed it against the jagged wound, Levi hissing in pain when Eren made contact harder than he had intended. Wrapping the sleeves of the shirt around Levi's waist, he pointed at them, knowing he didn't have the dexterity to do what needed to be done. Levi tied them dutifully as Eren continued to apply pressure to the wound.

"It's okay, Eren," Levi muttered, his eyes closing once he had finished his assigned task.

"Stay! Stay… awake!" Eren growled out and looked around desperately. "Need… help."

Levi's eyes cracked back open, but he shook his head. "No one's gonna help us down here."

Eren looked at him in desperation, but Levi shook his head again. "You're capable of so much more than you think."

Eren closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Levi was trusting him. Was telling him that he thought Eren would get them out of this hopeless situation. What could he do? Eren was useless for this kind of thing. He would have to carry Levi all the way back to Hanji, and he had tripped so many times just carrying himself down here. How was he supposed to get both of them back? But he had to. It was Levi’s only chance. He was right, no one in the underground would help them. Eren had to save Levi, even if he didn’t think that he could. After all, that’s why he was down here in the first place, wasn’t it? To save Levi. After a second, Eren nodded. "My back."

Levi nodded weakly and between the two of them, they somehow managed to maneuver Levi onto Eren's back. Firmly gripping Levi's thighs, Eren stumbled to his feet. "You got me," Levi breathed weakly against the back of Eren's neck. Eren bit his lip hard and breathed harshly through his nose. He was terrified, but Levi’s quiet confidence in him gave him courage. He stepped out of the building, careful to avoid the loose floorboard that he had tripped over earlier.

The walk was slow and tortuous. Eren knew that he needed to get Levi help as soon as possible, but he couldn't stop falling if he tried to speed up. The number of times he ended up on his knees was more than enough without adding more speed to the equation. Somehow, he had managed to keep from dropping Levi or falling on him in any way, but every time that Eren jolted as he made contact with the ground, Levi hissed in pain. Eventually, though, he passed out and Eren’s concern skyrocketed.

About halfway to the exit, a teenager stepped in their path. Eren clenched his teeth. He knew that that underground was dangerous, but he had managed to make it this far without encountering anyone hostile and he had hoped to make it all the way back. He stepped back as the teen’s eyes swept over him appraisingly. Eren evaluated his options. This kid probably wanted money, which Eren didn’t have. He was sure that Levi didn’t either, but what was the chances that anyone would believe that? He could run, but it was unlikely that he would make it very far before he fell and that would risk compromising Levi’s wound further.

The teenager stepped forward and opened his mouth. “I was going to leave today,” he muttered.

Eren opened his mouth but then shook his head and then settled on looking at their potential assailant imploringly.

The teen stepped forward again. “I was going to leave the underground today,” he clarified. “Because _he_ gave me a way out.”

Eren’s eyes widened. He opened his mouth, forcing the syllable out. “Help.”

The kid bit his lip and then motioned for Eren to come closer. “Give him to me. I’ll carry him, you’re stumbling around like a drunk.”

After a second of hesitation, Eren nodded. Carefully, Eren transferred Levi to the teenager’s back and they started walking. Without Levi on his back, throwing off his center of gravity, Eren’s stride was faster, keeping pace with the teen with minimal tripping. “Thank… you,” he ground out.

“I owe the monster of the underground,” the teen mumbled. Then he glanced at Eren out of the corner of his eye. “What’s wrong with you anyway?”

Eren frowned at the phrasing, but he turned a bit so the teen could see the surgery scar on the back of his neck.

“Oh,” the kid said and then there was silence for a few moments before he sighed. “Honestly, I’m not sure how far I can take the monster. He gave me the identification of one of the soldiers he was killing, but he told me I had to be careful because the guy would be a deserter now. So I’m kind of at a loss at how to get past the guards at the entrance to the underground. I should have left the day he gave me the papers, but I had to say goodbye.”

Eren blinked at the teen for a few seconds. “Name?”

“Tim--Well, I guess I’m actually Nicholas now,” the teen paused at the bottom of the stairs leading out. “I can’t go any further.”

Eren shook his head. “Safe with… us. Trust me. Trust… Levi.”

Tim looked like he was about object but then he nodded and they made their way up the stairs.

At the entrance of the underground, they were stopped. Eren was panting, the soldiers questioning him like white noise under the sound of Levi's weakened breath and Tim’s labored breath. Instead of responding, he roared. "HANJI!"

Wiggles' frantic barking came first, followed by the little dog himself who stationed himself firmly between Eren, Tim and Levi and the soldiers with a protective snarl, and then Hanji's running footsteps. "What the hell are you doing?" She shouted at the soldiers. "Are you blind? That's Eren Jaeger, Levi Ackerman and--” Hanji’s appraising eyes swung over Tim. Eren nodded subtly. “They’re Survey Corps soldiers. Get out of the way, let them through!"

The soldiers looked surprised and turned to her, snapping to attention with the presence of a Commander. "Hanji…" Eren said weakly. 

"Fuck, alright, alright, I've got him," Hanji said gently, carefully helping Tim put Levi down. "You two, I need a cart to take us to Survey Corps headquarters _now_."

The soldiers jumped into action as Hanji checked Levi over. She winced at the wound, the makeshift bandage already soaked through with blood. "You did good, honeybunch," Hanji said, shooting Eren a small smile before holding her hand out. "You got him back to us. Now give me your shirt. His is done."

Eren shakily pulled at his shirt, and in the end, Hanji had to haul it off of him, and she immediately began to rip it into strips, carefully wrapping Levi's body. "Dying," Eren said frantically. 

"He's going to be fine, sweetie. You know Levi. He'll be walking this off before either of us think he should be. Just maybe go a bit easy on him for a month or two?"

“Uh,” Tim said. “Should I… go?”

Hanji glanced at the teen before focusing back on her work on Levi. “I don’t know who you are, kiddo, but you helped get my family back to me and Eren vouched for you. In my world, the trust of either humanity’s strongest or our local former titan shifter is enough for me. You stay right here and I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Tim looked momentarily conflicted before he settled next to Hanji. “How can I help?”

Eren flopped back on the ground, his eyes finally welling up with overwhelmed, terrified tears. His mind tuning out everything else, he focused on the shallow rise and fall of Levi’s chest. Levi was hurt and it was all his fault. _It was all his fault._


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi lives and oscillates wildly between lovingly honest and enraged, Hanji refuses to budge, Eren tries to keep everything running smoothly and Tim's fate becomes clear.

Levi woke slowly. He blinked at the ceiling overhead, pain coursing through his entire left side. Where was he? Fuck, he had gotten stabbed, hadn't he? So careless.

But Eren--Eren had been there. Eren had… he had taken the knife and… Levi tried to sit up, worry shooting through him, but his side screamed in agony and a firm hand pressed into his shoulder. Looking to the right, Levi was met by watery green eyes. Eren shook his head and pressed a little harder on Levi's shoulder before letting go and fumbling around for Levi's hand.

"You killed him," Levi whispered.

Eren winced slightly, but nodded, nonetheless. Levi squeezed his hand, guilt sweeping through him. Eren had tarnished his pure soul all because Levi had let his guard slip. He had taken up his old role as the monster of the underground, but his senses hadn’t settled into what they had once been. He had been all too willing to relax when Eren had held out his hand to him. It was a weakness, a glaring imperfection in Levi’s solid image, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. He would always be weak when it came to Eren. He always had been, in a way.

“I’m sorry,” Levi said softly. “You shouldn’t have had to dirty your hands.”

Eren sighed through his nose and then reached for his board that had been sitting on the tiny table next to Levi’s bed. After a few moments he held it up for Levi to read.  _ It’s fine. Really. It’s not like I’ve never stabbed a man to death before. _

“Wh-” Levi blinked. “You’ve what?”

Eren huffed softly, but it sounded almost amused to Levi’s ears and then the board was being pointed towards him again.  _ They talked about it at my trial, remember? Just before you kicked the shit out of me. Mikasa had been kidnapped by some assholes and I killed two of them. Coincidentally, I used a very similar knife. Seems I have a habit of murder by stabbing for Ackermans. _

“Shit,” Levi sighed and flopped back against the bed. He had truly forgotten that fact. On the day of the trial, he hadn’t even really be listening to all the back and forth and the politics. That had always been Erwin’s scene, not his. He had been more focused on what he was going to have to do at the time. After a second he let a small snort of laughter out. “Yeah, I had forgot. Is it bad that I feel better knowing that the first time you killed it wasn’t for me?”

Eren shook his head and took Levi’s hand again. “I was… worried… about you.”

“I’m sorry I made you worry,” Levi said, running has thumb over the back of Eren’s hand. “But you got us out.”

Eren shook his head again. “Had… help.”

“Help? In the underground?” Levi raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

Eren nodded. Squinting at the window Eren grinned and then held up three fingers while messing around with his board with the other hand. Levi narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but Eren just slowly lowered one finger after a minute and Levi realized he was counting time. 

As Eren lowered his last finger, the door burst open. “Eren! The Commander says hello and to tell you she’ll be by this afternoon. I think she figured out that I come here to hide out every day,” A voice called and Eren’s silent laughter at the words had his shoulders shaking.

“She’s always… been awfully… smart,” Eren called back.

The source of the voice came around the corner to where Eren and Levi were hidden away from prying eyes and Levi’s eyes widened as he recognised the teen standing there. “Kid?”

“Oh, oh, Captain Levi is awake,” the kid breathed.

Eren nodded and then prodded his board towards Levi.  _ Tim here carried you most of the way to the surface. He found me doing my best, but if he hadn’t turned up, you probably would have bled out before I managed to get you topside. He said he owed you a favor? _

Levi turned from the board to the teenager standing there. “You didn’t owe me shit, kid.”

“Tim, my name is Tim,” Tim said. “And I did. You gave me a way topside. Forgive me, though, for taking your friend’s way instead.”

Levi glanced sharply at Eren, silently asking what he meant. Eren, having anticipated it, was already finishing the message on his board.  _ When Hanji saw him carrying you out of the underground, she just went along with it and claimed him as a member of the Corps. With you bleeding on the ground, no one bothered to verify and she ended up saying she would ‘pull a Smith’, whatever that means, and then forged papers for Tim in his name. They’re super convincing, too. He’s her assistant now. However, he has been hiding in here with me for at least some of the days you’ve been out. _

“‘Pull a Smith’. Erwin forged my papers. That’s what she meant,” Levi clarified with a snort of amusement. “Made me a legal citizen and then burned any record of crime that they had on me,” then his eyes hardened and he looked Tim up and down. “Hanji’s assistant, huh? You have some big shoes to fill, kid.”

“Why does everyone say that? Eren said that, too,” Tim looked concerned. “So did his friends.”

Eren looked sad for a second and then glanced at Levi.  _ We couldn’t decide if we should tell him about Moblit. _

“No, probably not,” Levi sighed. “That’s Hanji’s business.”

Eren nodded and then pointed his board towards Tim.  _ You should go tell Hanji that Levi’s woken up. She’ll want to give him a check up, I’m sure. _

Tim nodded. “Alright, I’ll be back in a bit.”

"Eren," Levi called softly once Tim had left. "What's with that look on your face?"

Eren turned back to him, frowning. He opened and closed his mouth several times before he shook his head and looked down at the bed. 

After a few minutes of silence, Levi spoke again. "You were right, you know."

Eren looked up at him, confusion in his eyes.

"I'm not the same person I used to be. I thought, to protect you and the Corps, I needed to return to my roots, to bring back the monster of the underground. I thought I could do it. How hard would it be to shut off my emotions? Compartmentalize, I thought. I used to do it all the time. And yet, all I succeeded in doing was hurting myself and put you in a bad position."

Eren shook his head, hard. "My fault."

"No," Levi replied, pressing his hand over his eyes. "If you hadn't come to get me, something very important would have died. Looking back, I never was very good at compartmentalizing in the first place, I just thought I was. My love for Isabel and Farlan drove me to do things I wouldn't have for anyone else. I didn't put that aside to do what I had to, it was because of them. It was the same with Erwin. And now with Hanji and you. But even after all this time, I’m not dumb enough not to see the difference.”

Eren opened his mouth. “L… Levi...”

“No, let me get this out, because I may never be able to again,” Levi cut him off. “It was always something, Eren. ‘Protect our people. Look after those not strong enough to do it themselves, Levi.’ ‘Be a good big brother for her, Levi, she’s not strong enough to stand on her own.’ What bullshit, Isabel was stronger than me most of the time. ‘Be a good soldier and follow orders, Levi.’ ‘Don’t upset the status quo, Levi.’ ‘You’re the only one who I can count on, Levi.’” He laughed, but there was darkness in the sound, parroting all the truths he had known from the beginning. “There have always been expectations on me, things that I have to do, things to protect. I was the monster of the underground and then Humanity’s Strongest, so I had to be a  _ shining _ example. Everyone I loved needed something from me. Forget the fact that I never asked for the responsibility. And yet, you, who has the most to ask of me, said… ‘Let me protect you.’ and ‘Take me home.’ You, Eren, who has the right and the need to ask me for the world, didn’t request my strength. You asked for my weakness. Do you understand what that’s like? What that means?”

Eren blinked at him. “I’m… sorry,” he croaked pathetically.

Levi let out a growl of frustration and forced himself up into a sitting position, reaching out to take a firm hold of Eren’s hair, locking his own eyes with remorseful green ones. “Shut up, you little shit. I’m not saying any of this shit to make you feel bad. I’m trying to thank you. There is no one I have trusted with my weakness, do you understand? Not Farlan, not Isabel, not Erwin, not Hanji, not my old squad, not Mike. No one. No one, but you. You have already seen it. My weakness, my pain. Everything no one is allowed to see, you have, so don’t look at me with those sad eyes,” Levi let go of Eren’s hair and sighed back into the bed. “Fuck, what have you done to me?”

Eren surged forward, pressing his lips to Levi’s. The motion was messy and barely coordinated, Eren’s teeth clicking painfully against Levi’s, his nose shoved roughly into the older man’s cheek. When Eren winced slightly and began to pull back, Levi caught sight of the guilty look in Eren’s eyes and he couldn’t stop his hands from coming up to wrap around Eren’s shoulders and lace into his hair, pulling him back down for a softer, proper kiss. Once he was satisfied, Levi gently pushed Eren back and offered him a tiny smile. “Don’t feel guilty because there are some things you can’t control. It doesn’t matter to me. Even if it hurts a little sometimes, I know you don’t mean it to. I’ve said that before, haven’t I?”

Eren’s cheeks heated up, but he frowned, before he started messing around with his board.  _ I don’t want to cause you pain when I just want to make you feel good. _

“Fucking hell, Eren,” Levi wheezed, covering his face at the words on the board. “I’m trying to be kind here and you make it sound like you’re trying to molest me or some shit. Fuck, phrase things better.”

_ Who said I’m not? Maybe that’s how I meant it. Maybe I don’t just want to touch you innocently. _

Levi’s eyes widened, and, as his luck would have it, that’s the moment Hanji burst into the room. She was greeted with the sight of a red cheeked Eren, hastily shoving his board into his own chest to hide the words there, with Levi staring at him with wide eyes, the tips of his ears a bright pink.

The grin she gave them couldn’t have been called anything but lecherous. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said cheerfully. “But then again, with the hole in your side, I’m not sure you should be doing anything too strenuous, Levi.” 

“Fuck off,” Levi turned his hardest glare onto her. Hanji was unaffected.

“Anyway, let me look at that, will you,” Hanji cheerfully waved off the look.

"I'll be fine," Levi grumbled, but let Hanji roll him onto his side and lift up the back of his shirt. Once she had fully inspected the wound and rebandaged it, she plopped down in the chair next to Eren's.

"Everything looks fine back there, but the less you stress the wound, the faster it will heal, so I'm prescribing you bed rest and forbidding any activity that will open your stitches. Like lifting anything heavy, including Eren. Especially Eren. And because I know you won't listen to me unless I give you no choice, I'm sending someone to watch over you two at all times. Mostly, it will be Armin or Mikasa with you to take care of what needs to be done around the house until I give you a clean bill of health. Eren, I'm counting on you to enforce it, as well," Hanji spoke fast, getting all the words out, even as Levi's expression became stormy. Eren, on the other hand, nodded with determination.

"I don't need a fucking babysitter," Levi growled.

Hanji's cheerful expression fell away and she looked at Levi with a small frown that somehow seemed more terrifying than it should be. "And what are you going to do if Eren falls? Hmm? You'll pop your stitches, is what you'll do. I know you, and I won't have you compromising your recovery for things that I can fix. If you don't let it heal properly, it will be even longer that your laid up and unable to help him. If it would make you feel better, I'll send you the young recruits that are still terrified of you like you're the boogey man that will spring up and make them clean until they drop. Then you can get all your frustration out yelling at the poor kid until they piss their pants--yes, I heard about that, by the way--but, I will not budge on this."

Eren looked a little pathetic, but he looked at Levi for a few seconds before turning his board to Hanji.  _ Maybe a mix of those two options? _

And in an instant, that little frown was replaced by belly laughs. Once she had calmed down, Hanji wiped at the corner of her eyes while returning her attention to Levi. "I'm not trying to say you're an invalid, and I know that no matter what I say or do, I won't be able to keep you chained to a bed for long. I'm just saying that until you're healed, don't lift anything heavy and try to avoid too much movement. My only goal is to have you return to the normal routine as soon as possible. Plus, with an injury like this, you can go home. No one can say anything about you not being behind a desk after having been stabbed. You do want to go home, don't you?"

Levi made a sound of discontent, but nodded. "Alright. Fine. You win."

Eren had brightened up considerably at the mention of home. Sleeping on Levi's couch in his office while the older man dozed on his desk had brought back memories and had felt warm somehow, like the last decade hadn't ripped them apart, but it was nothing compared to the home they had made. Levi knew that Eren was more than happy to return to their house and a semblance of the routine they had created there, even if it was different with his new wound.

``~`**`~``

They were followed home by a recruit. Hanji had forced them to take a carriage back to the house--and the recruit had followed on horseback after one look at Levi's dark expression--but in exchange, Levi had stubbornly insisted on making dinner. He plated and served himself and Eren before sinking heavily into his usual chair at the kitchen table, completely ignoring the recruit.

When he had side eyed Eren after having done it, the brunette had been cackling silently at his behavior. "Levi," Eren croaked out, finally.

"What?" Levi grunted, finally fully looking at him. Eren stared at him expectantly, and when Levi didn't answer for a minute, dragging it out, Eren looked pointedly at the pan on the stove. 

After another moment of staring contest, Levi snorted and Eren went back to his silent laughing fit. Levi turned to the recruit, who's name he hadn't even bothered to remember, and glared at him. "Why are you just standing there, cadet? Or is my food not good enough for you? It's better than the shit they'll serve you at the canteen, I'll tell you that. You're not me or my charge so I won't be spoon feeding you. Serve yourself and you're in charge of washing the dishes after dinner. If they aren't to my standard, I'll make sure you regret it."

At the pathetic whimpering sound that morphed into a half formed "Yes, Sir," from the poor recruit, Eren actually wheezed. While the recruit tottered around the stove, Levi idly played with the letters on Eren's board.  _ Yes, Jaeger, you used to be that bad. _

Eren fell into another laughing fit, barely having recovered from his previous one, and it took him a while to respond.  _ I think that's part of the reason it's so funny. _

The rest of the night passed relatively uneventfully, and if Eren thought that Levi didn't know that he stood over the recruit, who's name turned out to be Lendor, silently placing items back into the sink until they were cleaned to Levi's standard to save him from the punishment that would come if they weren't, he had another thing coming.

When it came time to sleep, Eren followed Levi to his room, both of them already dressed in their sleep clothes. After a moment of silent contemplation, Levi closed the door behind them and crossed his arms. "Spit it out. What's on your mind?"

Eren looked surprised for a second, but then sighed, holding up his board.  _ Lendor is nice and all, but I don't like having a virtual stranger in our house. I just felt uncomfortable being too far from you. _

Levi cracked a small smile at the words. "What a pair we make. Two crippled fucks, too paranoid to let the kid that's supposed to be looking out for us do his damn job. Yeah, I agree. You can sleep here tonight."

Eren beamed at him and made to get on the floor, but Levi stopped him. "What the fuck are you doing? Get on the bed."

Eren look surprised for a second, but then hurriedly scrambled onto the bed. Levi almost laughed, but then followed Eren under the sheets at a much slower pace. With Eren on his good side, he was able to carefully pull the brunette against him and hold him gently. "Is this okay?" He whispered.

He could feel Eren nod with the way he had curled his giant frame to rest his head on Levi's chest. For a moment, there was stillness, but then Eren wriggled around slightly and Levi felt lips press gently to his jaw. "Love… you."

Levi gave Eren a little squeeze. "Me too, brat. Now go to sleep." He felt the answering nod again, and soon enough, sleep claimed them both. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which science raises its head and says hello, Armin is such a good friend that he deserves a medal and Levi is both paranoid and pouty.

Hanji had held true to the promise to send someone every day to look after them. There was someone there 24 hours a day, and, to Eren’s great amusement, the recruits all seemed to deflate in relief when they were dismissed by someone coming to take their place. It was different when it was Armin or Mikasa staying with them. On those nights, Eren slept in his own bed, despite the fact that Levi would leave his door open until Eren retreated to his own room. He wasn’t sure if it was because Eren was comfortable enough with his friend’s presence that he didn’t feel the need to cling to Levi, or if he was uncomfortable with them knowing of the tentative relationship they shared. Either way, Levi was somewhat put out by it, not that he’d ever say it outloud. Even without his shifter abilities making him a walking furnace, Eren was still a warm and welcomed presence in Levi’s bed. And sometimes, Eren's soft, rhythmic breathing would lull Levi to sleep in a way he had never managed to achieve on his own, and it almost made him angry at himself that it took him that long to realize that was what had done it. Back when Eren had taken to crashing in his office, Levi had always slept better, even slumped over his desk as he had been, but it had taken to Eren sporadically curling up with him to finally realize that it was that breathing that induced Levi's drowsiness.

Another difference between the recruits and Eren’s friends was the distance they allowed. The recruits often hovered off to the side, ready to lend any aid that was required of them. Armin and Mikasa would stay in the living room or the bedroom they were using, occupying themselves in any way they saw fit while still in hearing distance and let Eren and Levi have their space. They both appreciated the gesture, having not needed someone looking after them at every moment of the day.

It was while Armin was reading a book on the living room couch that Levi found Eren sitting on the porch swing, looking out over the garden. In just a few days, Levi would be returning the the base so that Hanji could take out his stitches, and he was at the point where he didn’t even really notice them anymore. As such, he sped up his step and climbed right into Eren’s lap without announcing himself or slowing down to make sure me didn’t pull the wound at all.

“Levi?” Eren rumbled out, surprised.

Levi didn’t answer at first, looking over the garden as well. After some time, he sighed. “The next time we have one of those shitty cadets here, I’m forcing them to weed the flower beds. If they’re going to be here, they might as well be useful.”

Levi could feel Eren’s chest shaking with laughter, but he fumbled around on his board for a few moments and when he held it up, it wasn’t a response to Levi’s stubborn nature ragging on the recruits again.

_You know, there’s a whole chair here. I’m not taking up that much room._

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you not want me here?”

Eren’s eyes widened slightly and he started rearranging letters, but before he could finish, Levi continued. “You don’t want them to know, do you? Why is that?”

Eren’s fingers froze on his board and then he wiped away all the words he had started forming and began again. “It’s not like I’m mad, or anything. I just would like to know why,” Levi tacked on.

_That’s a lie._

“What?” Levi glared at Eren.

_If you weren’t upset, you wouldn’t bring it up. Especially not like that._

Levi frowned. "Didn't I just say--"

Eren cut Levi off, his hand making a hard enough contact with Levi's mouth that the older of the two saw stars. Eren looked momentarily guilty, but then he just went back to messing with his board. _Sorry, that wasn't supposed to hurt. But also, I'm not really trying to hide anything. You're a private person, so I didn't want to overstep your boundaries. Plus, you didn't seem like you were all that keen on physical touch, anyway._

"What is that supposed to mean?" Levi pointed to the last sentence with a frown. He had literally just put himself in Eren's lap.

Eren sighed deeply. _After the first time, you never even kiss me. I'm always the one pushing myself into your space, so I thought maybe you didn't want it._

"Oh," Levi muttered. Turning to look back out over the garden, he thought about that. It made sense now, how when Eren kissed him he was hesitant, barring that one, nearly frantic kiss after Levi had woken up in a hospital bed. Before, Levi had thought that Eren kissed him like he still wasn't sure he was allowed to do it, and now Levi realized that was exactly the case. Eren didn't realize that he was allowed to. 

But more importantly than that, Eren had picked up on Levi's hesitance, and he had thought he had done such a good job at hiding it. It wasn't that Levi didn't want to touch and kiss Eren, he was flat out afraid to. He was acutely aware that with the way that Eren tended to hit him by accident in the best of times and the fact that the amount of work it took Eren to make words, there was no real way for Eren to tell Levi that he was going too far. After everything it had taken to get to this point, Levi wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he hurt Eren. If he ended up not seeing the signs and _raped_ him… He cut off the thought there. It wouldn't happen. Levi wouldn't let it happen. He would just keep his hands to himself until Eren made it abundantly clear he wanted it otherwise.

After a while, Eren's board nudged into Levi's arm. _You're scared, still. I can see it, but what I can't tell is if you're scared to give yourself over to me fully or if it's something else. I know I'm not the most desirable, but I promised to not break your heart, didn't I? Trust me, Levi._

Levi shoved the board away with a snarl. "Shut the fuck up, Jaeger."

Eren's eyes widened and then he hastily looked down at the grass at the edge of the porch. The quick motion didn't manage to hide the hurt that radiated from him.

"No," Levi said firmly, and placed two fingers under Eren's chin, bringing it back up so those green eyes had to level with his own. "You're an idiot sometimes. Yes, you're right. I'm still scared, but what I'm afraid of is because of the fact that you're too desirable, you moron. I'm _terrified_ that if I start something and you get uncomfortable with it, there will be no way for you to stop me and I'll end up hurting you. I'll end up…" Levi looked away and sighed. "I don't want to hurt you."

Eren huffed a breath through his nose and then he was pushing Levi out of his lap. Startled, Levi slid onto the other seat on the swing and watched as Eren struggled to stand. After a few tries, Eren managed to get his feet under him and he dragged himself upright and leaned heavily against the wall of the house. He didn't move for several moments, messing with his board before he turned and held out his hand to Levi. And Levi had no idea what was even happening anymore, but he willingly took the hand and helped Eren into the house.ouse. They made their way straight into the living room, where Eren presented his board to Armin.

After reading it, Armin looked up at Eren. “I-I'm not s-supposed to l-l-leave.”

Eren stared Armin down, doing that silent communication thing that the two of them did, even before Eren had lost his voice. Armin tilted his head to the side. “On s-s-second thought, I-I’ll g-go do the s-s-shopping. S-s-should b-be at l-least two hours.”

Eren stood there, calmly as Armin marked the page in his book and set it on the coffee table. Standing, Armin put his hands on his hips and looked for all the world like a lecturing parent. “I s-s-swear, E-eren, if I c-come b-back and he’s popped his s-s-stitches, I-I’ll n-n-never l-let you l-live it down.”

“What?” Levi asked, but he was ignored other than Armin’s eyes flicking over two him for a second.

Eren snorted through his nose and shook his head. Armin giggled in response and then collected his things. “T-t-two hours.”

Eren nodded and with that, Armin was gone. “What’s happening now?” Levi turned to Eren, but the brunette just tugged his hand and started to stumble his way down the hall towards the bedrooms.

Once they were in Levi’s room, Eren flopped onto the bed and rolled onto his back, holding his arms open. Hesitantly, Levi joined him, nestling into Eren’s arms. Eren’s hand came up and carefully cupped the back of Levi’s head, pulling him down into a kiss. It wasn’t gentle or soft, but Eren managed to keep from bringing his teeth into the equation this time and Levi was swept away with the fire it ignited inside him. As Eren’s arms gently twitched against him, Levi followed their cues, letting the younger man urge him into crawling on top of him and take control of the kiss, his hands lacing into messy brown locks, angling Eren’s head so that he could lick into his mouth with ease. Eren’s movements were clumsy, but not as aggressive as they typically turned out to be, the hand not softly scratching into Levi’s undercut making its way up to knock one of Levi’s hands out of his hair.

Levi pulled back and looked down at Eren, who stared back determinedly. Eren took hold of Levi’s wrist and pulled it down--only throwing off Levi’s balance slightly when his arm rebelled and jerked out to the side--coming to rest between them, dangerously low on Eren’s stomach, against the little stripe of bare skin that had been exposed when he had rolled around on the bed. Eren bit his lip, not breaking eye contact as he pressed Levi’s palm against his belly, and squirmed slightly.

“Eren, what are you doing?” Levi asked softly, even as he stroked skin under his fingers gently.

Eren pressed Levi’s hand harder against himself and then let go, letting his hand fall to the side. “Touch… me.”

“Eren,” Levi frowned, not moving.

“It’s okay. Touch me… however… you want,” Eren forced the words out, swallowing hard at the end. “Want… you to.”

Levi inhaled sharply and then closed his eyes for a second. “Alright. Okay, if we’re going to do this, if I do something you don’t like, I need you to let me know. If you can’t use words, that’s fine. If the only way you can figure out how to let me know is to literally beat the living hell out of me, that’s fine, too. Just keep hitting me if you have to, just let me know.”

Eren nodded seriously. Levi offered him a small smile before sliding his fingers under the fabric of Eren’s shirt and up his toned stomach, skimming over the warm skin. Eren’s mouth opened, and Levi could imagine the sound that would have come out of his mouth if he had the ability. Carefully, Levi pulled Eren’s shirt off, the younger man letting him have complete control. Leaning forward, Levi kissed him while his hands traced patterns over the newly revealed skin. Eren arched up under the attention as Levi’s hands travelled lower and lower, his fingers finally dipping into the waistband of Eren’s pants, skimming over the still hidden skin that was heating up fast.

While Eren still ran hot naturally, it wasn’t like how it had been when he had his titan abilities, but now the heat that radiated off of him was on par with how it used to be. Levi had no doubt that Eren could melt snow by just standing outside right now like he used to. It was perfect. Eren was perfect, even as he silently squirmed trying to push his hips up into Levi’s, the movements jerky enough that Levi had to slide back off the other man so he wouldn’t be thrown off the bed to the floor by accident. Pulling Eren’s pants down to his thighs, Levi lay his hand over the flexing flesh, momentarily marvelling how his pale hand looked against the golden skin. “Relax. Let me take care of you,” he said finally, looking up at Eren. The brunette looked back at him with desire in his eyes and then hesitantly nodded.

Turning back to the task at hand, Levi finished stripping Eren of his clothes and then settled between his thighs, running his hands own Eren’s chest and stomach before he wrapped a hand carefully around Eren’s erection. If Levi hadn’t been watching Eren so closely for any sign of discomfort, he probably would have missed the way Eren’s eyes nearly crossed as they snapped shut when Levi gave the length in his hand a slow pump. He barely managed to suffocate down a satisfied smirk. That was a nice reaction.

“Eren,” Levi called. “I need you to let me know what you want. I can get you off just like this, using my hands and mouth or I can fuck you. What do you want?”

It looked like it took Eren a lot of effort to wrench his eyes back open, especially with Levi’s hand still moving slowly up and down his cock, but when he managed it he slowly held up two fingers.

“Two? Does that mean you want me inside you?” Levi confirmed.

Eren nodded frantically. “In… Inside!” he croaked out.

Levi nodded slowly. “Remember our agreement.”

Eren nodded again and squirmed when Levi’s hands left him for a moment, only long enough for Levi to retrieve a bottle of oil from his nightstand. Thoroughly coating his fingers, Levi stroked a finger over Eren’s hole, looking up at the green eyes that seemed to be begging him to keep going at this point. Reaching up with his other hand, knowing that a first penetration wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, Levi wrapped it around Eren’s cock again and gave him a firm stroke as he slipped his finger inside. Eren _writhed_ and Levi stilled with concern.

Eren opened and closed his mouth several times before shaking his head almost violently. No. That was a no. Levi started to pull his hand back, but the head shaking returned even harder. Eren closed his eyes and took several deep breaths before he opened his mouth again. “Don’t… stop.”

Levi bit his lip and slowly pushed his finger back in, gently encouraging Eren’s muscles to loosen. “Relax,” he breathed, both to himself and Eren, then entirely to the brunette. “It will get better soon, I promise.”

Eren nodded in response. Keeping his hand moving on Eren’s cock, Levi working him open until he was fucking Eren on three fingers. Eren hadn’t stopped him, and was seeming to get impatient with Levi’s thorough prep, so he finally pulled his hand back quickly and efficiently removed his own clothes before he poured more oil over his own erection.

Taking Eren’s thighs, he propped them over his shoulders and then looked down to meet Eren’s hazy, lust filled eyes. “Ready?” he breathed, desperately hoping that Eren wouldn’t stop him now.

Eren nodded and jerked downwards a bit, pressing his ass against Levi’s cock and fuck, did that feel good. Levi hissed and lined up with Eren’s stretched hole, slowly pushing inside. Eren’s thighs quivered and as Levi bottomed out, he could swear he heard a sound come from Eren’s throat without a hint of growl to it. But… That wasn’t possible, was it? He had to have imagined it.

He held still, deep inside Eren until the brunette was jerking underneath him, looking up at him with exasperation and if he could, Levi knew that Eren would be complaining about the amount of caution the Levi was exhibiting. He gave a shallow thrust and Eren's mouth opened while he nodded enthusiastically. With that, the edges of Levi's patience and restraint started to fray. He moved faster, pushing deeper and Eren's hand came up, slapping around Levi's forearm with no small amount of strength, and if Levi had been thinking about it at all, he would have known that there would be a nasty bruise there later, but Eren's mouth had opened and--

"L-Levi… good!" _Eren's voice!_ Not hint of the croak that came with his speech these days, just a little slurred and breathy and pleasure filled _words_ that seemed to take him by as much surprise as they did Levi, or maybe he was shocked over the fact that Levi was coming, swept away by the sound of that sweet voice, helpless to stop himself and _fuck_ this was not how this was supposed to go, but Eren had _spoke_ and how was Levi supposed to last when the thing he missed the most in the world had come and assaulted his senses like that? 

Levi’s arms and legs shook with the strength of his orgasm, as he clutched to Eren’s thighs, having cum minutes in like some teenaged virgin, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. However, this wasn’t over. He still had a mission to complete here. Taking a deep breath, Levi pulled himself out of Eren’s hole with a hiss and scooted back, letting those long legs fall on either side of him as he brought his mouth down onto his cock. Levi sucked him down with efficiency and determination, his body too lethargic from his orgasm for teasing or prolonging the blowjob. He just needed Eren to cum so he could clean them up and then cuddle Eren into oblivion and maybe cry a little bit about the fact that Eren had _spoken to him with his actual voice_ before they figured out how it had happened.

It didn’t take Eren long to cum into Levi’s mouth, to which Levi dutifully managed to suffocate down a grimace to before he pulled back and grabbed Eren’s shirt to spit into. _Disgusting._ Glancing up at Eren’s blissed out face, Levi snorted softly. _Worth it._

The trip to the bathroom was as quick as physically possible. Quickly wiping himself down, Levi returned to Eren and cleaned him up before making a neat little pile of the laundry that would need washing for later and climbing into bed next to Eren, who seemed to be just coming out of his post-orgasmic daze. Levi peppered his face with kisses, worshiping the man pressed into his side, even as his eyes prickled with tears now that he had completed all the necessary steps to get to this point and could let himself actually process the emotions coursing through him.

Eren blinked at him under the attention, almost looking confused. Levi pulled back and cupped Eren’s face with both hands, letting the tears fall and the smile that wanted to pull his lips do as it pleased. “You _spoke_ to me.”

Eren nodded slowly, a look of wonder on his face. After a moment, he opened his mouth and a little clicking sound came out before “I did, didn’t I?” And if Levi was openly sobbing, he would never, ever admit it outside of this room and the present company. The words from Eren’s mouth were slurred still, sluggish and a little lost sounding, but they were there and _real_.

Eren’s hand still jerked unpredictably as it came up to Levi’s face, smacking into his ear painfully, Eren wincing slightly in Levi’s place for it, before it slid to Levi’s face and started collecting the tears, concern on his features.

“I’m _happy_ ,” Levi gasped. “I missed hearing you talk.”

Eren nodded and smiled warmly. Levi couldn’t resist leaning down to press a loving kiss to those soft lips in response. They had to tell Hanji, had to get a message out to her about this _incredible_ development, but right now, Levi couldn’t be convinced to move from Eren’s arms by a return of the titans.

Eventually, Levi’s tears stopped and he lay with his head nestled into the curve of Eren’s neck, unable to get the smile off his face until they both fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oki, my lovelies. So, I definitely suspended science at the beginning of this fic to give Eren and Armin their speech disabilities, but after some intensive research, I came to the conclusion that their speech imparements could be due to brain trauma, which, I mean, being fully awake and consious to feel and experience their spinal cords being cut into counts as trauma in my book. And I mean, I still stretched actual science somewhat here, but I ended up diagnosing Armin with dysphasia and Eren with aphasia--both real medical things like the esophageal speech--which can both be improved over time. Maybe cured, possibly improved. Depends on the situation. And of course, medical knowledge isn't super up to date in canonverse, with the threat of imminent death by titan a constant for so long, no one really had the time to poke around and figure out how brains work as well as we know now so clearly no one had ever heard of things like dysphasia and aphasia, or at least that's what I'm going with. I honestly cannot express how much this excites me. Here we go, this fic is really moving now :D


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which for once, Levi is the smartest person in the room, serious converstations are had and Eren makes a decision.

“Now that I think about it, Armin’s stutter has been improving,” Hanji hummed thoughtfully.

Eren was sunk as low in his seat as he physically could be. Never mind the fact that Hanji had met Armin at the market and had decided to come back to the house with him and, knowing nothing of personal boundaries, she had burst into Levi’s bedroom startling them awake. It was embarrassing enough that she had found them naked and curled around each other, though Eren was a little off kilter by the way Hanji had whooped a victory cry like _she_ had been the one to get laid, Levi had kicked her out without preamble. He woke with a sound of rage, spit a line of curses that included ones that Eren had never known existed and then picked himself up off the floor and, without even paying attention to his own nakedness, had tossed a blanket over Eren and then stalked forward and grabbed Hanji by the hair and physically threw her out of the room with a resounding “ _OUT_ ”. 

Not even the fact that they had to tell Hanji exactly _how_ they had discovered that Eren’s voice had returned bothered him. Levi had taken the real bullet on that one, because Hanji had wanted to know what his response had been to the words and when neither of them said a word, she had begun to pester him, asking why he hadn't followed up and gotten Eren to say other things. Eren had gotten to watch the infallible (formerly) Captain Levi’s ears turn bright scarlet and mutter something that sounded suspiciously like “I had just _came_ and then I was too busy sucking him off for that.” Eren was relatively certain that Hanji hadn’t heard it, because she didn’t force him to say it again or even comment on it, but it had made Eren laugh--still silently, interesting enough.

No, what really got him is the reason Levi had needed to pick himself up off the floor to kick Hanji out. Being startled awake really wasn’t something one should do to a person who had impared motor functions, Eren had discovered. Especially, not one who had someone in bed with them, as Levi could now attest to. In fact, Hanji had gotten to stand there and stare with glee for a whole minute before Levi hand managed to throw her out because, in Eren’s panicked awakening, he had both punched Levi in the face and had kneed him in the balls. That would probably account for the colorful cursing, actually.

As soon as Hanji was out of the room, door closed again, Levi had sunk back down to the floor with his back to Eren, staring at the door and breathing hard, muttering under his breath with words that Eren couldn’t catch. Eren had never felt like he had fucked up more. After almost two whole minutes of complete stillness, Levi had brought his hands to his face and Eren could hear a few more muttered curse words as he tenderly prodded around his eye, where Eren had made contact. When he had turned back around, he had held up his hand and shook his head at the look of desperate apology on Eren’s face. “Don’t. Clothes. Now.”

Levi had dressed both of them at light speed, but for as much as his brow furrowed in frustration, his hands on Eren were exceedingly gentle and when Eren had gone to stand, Levi had shook his head again and scooped him into his arms, carrying him into the kitchen and setting him on the chair with infinite care. Levi now sat in his chair at the table, his head tilted back with a towel thoroughly doused in freezing cold water held over his face to help combat any swelling that may occur, legs thrown out to wide, his entire posture screaming how done he was at the moment and for the life of him, Eren couldn’t decide if it was because of him or because of Hanji. Maybe both. 

“Well, I guess we should just hear it,” Hanji said finally. Levi motioned to Eren with the hand not holding the towel to his face in an open invitation.

Eren swallowed thickly. “I-I… Levi--okay? Sorry, I didn’t--to hurt…”

“I’m fine,” Levi replied, lifting his head and looking at Eren, letting the hand holding the towel fall to his side. “More importantly, you’re missing something there.”

“That is interesting,” Hanji agreed, nodding and pulling out a notebook to scribble notes into. “You spoke and that’s fantastic, but you left out several words. I wonder why that is?”

Eren frowned in frustration. The sentences had been whole in his head, but when he had tried to bring them out of his mouth, he had somehow lost several words. “Don’t…” He shook his head, trying to clear whatever blockage there was that was keeping his words from making sense. It didn’t work. “I--know.”

Levi just watched him quietly, but Hanji was already off on a tangent. “It’s so interesting! And for sex to be the catalyst! How did that happen? I need more data!”

“Oi, oi,” Levi glared at her. “You’re overthinking, shitty glasses. Sex wasn’t the cause.”

“What do you mean?” Hanji tilted her head to the side.

“He hasn’t _tried_ in months, has he?” Levi shrugged.

“T-that make s-s-sense. E-eren has had his b-board and l-learned e-e-e… e-es…” Armin’s brow furrowed for a few seconds before he continued. “T-that other method of t-talking. He hasn’t n-need to t-try to s-speak.”

Hanji frowned down at her notebook, tapping her pen against the pages. “So, you’re saying that you think that the timing was a coincidence?”

“There’s no way in hell that my dick has the magical ability to heal brain damage,” Levi scoffed.

Eren let his head thunk down onto the table as his shoulders shook with laughter. This whole thing was too ridiculous for him to even comprehend.

Hanji howled in frustration and tossed her notebook onto the table in front of her. “There’s just not enough information on how the brain works! Can it regenerate? Does that mean that Eren and Armin are going to fully recover their speech? Or is this some lasting effect of the titans they held? Or maybe something else entirely?”

Levi pursed his lips. “Hear me out here. I might be the least qualified of us here to have any ideas about this, but what if the surgery itself didn’t actually ruin their speech?”

Three pairs of eyes turned to Levi in confusion. He sighed and ran his hand down his face, wincing slightly as he bumped the swollen part of his face. “We’re soldiers. We’ve seen a lot of weird as shit injuries. You’ve treated a couple of them,” Levi nodded to Hanji. “Do you remember Geradine? When her gear malfunctioned and she ran head first into a tree, she swore that her left arm didn’t work anymore. At first you thought she had broken it or something, but when you examined her, there was no physical damage. There’s been a lot of cases like that, haven’t there? 3DMGear isn’t necessarily the safest thing to use, especially earlier on. Head injury leading to other, unexplained problems. We brushed them off at the time, counted those soldiers as the lucky ones, getting discharged instead of dying out in the field and moved on because that’s all we had time for, but what if it wasn’t an actual injury? What if it was all something reversible?”

Hanji’s eyes widened and she snatched up her notebook again and started scribbling all over again. “That’s actually genius. Why didn’t I think of that? And if we take it one step further, Eren isn’t the first case of a former soldier going mute that we have! I didn’t make the connection until just now, because most of those are soldiers that suffered from battle fatigue, but battle fatigue is just a fancy name for experiencing trauma.”

“Trauma,” Levi turned to Eren. “Being fully awake for surgery could be trauma.”

Eren chewed on his bottom lip, turning to look at Armin, who had a similarly conflicted look on his face. Eren hadn’t ever spoken about the surgery, and he was relatively certain that Armin hadn’t either. One look in those blue eyes confirmed that. While they trusted Hanji, they had been strapped down and cut open for their surgeries. _I panicked_ . Armin’s eyes told him. _You?_ Eren nodded. _Me, too._ Armin sighed and shrugged. _Too confining. Forgot where I was._ Eren huffed a breath and nodded again. _I did the same. The theory holds merit._

And they agreed on that. Armin turned to Hanji. “I-it’s definitely a p-possibility. E-eren agrees.”

Eren nodded in confirmation. When Hanji opened her mouth, Levi stood abruptly and placed both his hands on the table, posture oozing authority. "Anything else can be discussed at a later date. As of now, I need both of you out of our fucking house."

_Please?_ Eren begged Armin. _Of course,_ Armin's eyes said back.

"But Levi--" Hanji started, but Armin was already standing up, tucking any stray belongings back into his satchel.

"I-I'll be b-back in the m-morning," he warned and then unceremoniously ushered a whining Hanji out the front door. 

As soon as they were gone, Levi plopped back down into his chair and let out a long sigh. Eten bit his lip and started messing around with his board. Finally, he slowly pushed it towards Levi, who leveled his eyes on Eren and shook his head. "Absolutely not. Use your words."

Eren bit his lip, but tried to put the words together. "You're--happy. No, shit. Angry. Levi's angry."

Levi stared at him for a few moments, eyes narrowed. "Did you switch the words?"

Eren shook his head and pointed at his board, that Levi looked down at reluctantly. It said _you're not happy._

"Ah," Levi nodded. "I wouldn't say angry, so much as irritated."

"My fault," Eren looked down at the table sadly.

"No, Hanji's fault," Levi replied. "She should have known better."

“When--realize I’m more trouble--than worth it?” Eren spat bitterly.

“By the gods, will you cut it the fuck out already?” Levi snapped back. “I made my choice and you know how I feel about making choices I regret. I chose you, for better or for worse, and I refuse to regret it. What I do regret however, is how after so long, you’ve finally got your voice and this is the shit you’re using it for. If you’re second guessing this relationship, if you’re trying to back out then do it straight. Walk away, Eren. Tell me clearly and I won’t fight you. I won’t even be mad. I will tell you that I told you so, but I won’t hold it against you. But stop trying to paint it a pretty color by constantly bringing up how I’d be better off without you. Stop trying to not so subtly convince me that I made a mistake. There’s no mistake here, not for me. I told you, this is it for me. You’re the last great love of my life and it took me a goddamn decade to admit it. I have no regrets, no matter what. If this is it, well, I appreciate what you gave me. Now, what’s it gonna be, Jaeger?”

Levi was standing, leaning over the table towards Eren, and when he finished, his voice having gone from tinged with anger to almost desperate sounding, he looked actually surprised that he was on his feet. He sunk back into his chair and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, carefully avoiding his nose. When Eren didn’t respond immediately, knowing what he wanted to say but sure that his words wouldn’t come out straight and do it justice, Levi sighed, not moving his hands. “Just drop me gently, would you? I fucking told you so.”

“Think--let you down gently, not drop,” Eren mused and when Levi’s head shot up, he winced. He hadn’t meant anything by it, more teasing the fact that Levi had gotten a common phrase wrong than anything else, but with the way those gorgeous mercury grey eyes all but radiated pain, Eren regretted his words immediately. Struggling for less than a second more, Eren reached out to take Levi’s hand that had hit the table with a thud. It took him too long, too many tries, to actually grasp it, and when he did, Levi jerked it back like he had been burned. “Please, no. Let--” Eren reached out again, but Levi just held his hand to his chest. “Stupid!” Eren finally shouted in frustration. “Both--stupid.” He slapped his hand against his own chest. “I said something stupid, just correcting phrase, not agreeing.” The hand flung out to gesture at Levi. “Don’t trust me, still.” Eren struggled for a few more moments anger flaring inside him before he clenched his fists tightly. “Give--back my virginity. You can have it again when--not being stupid. When-- _trust me_.” 

There was silence for a few seconds while they just stared at each other and then Levi snorted softly in amusement. "That's… that's not how that works. I can't just… regardless, I could say the same thing to you, Eren. When are _you_ going to trust _me_ ? We both can't seem to figure out what the other sees in us, but that doesn't change that there's something, right? For me, I look at you and despite everything you've been through, there's still the same fire burning inside you that was always there. You're fierce and loyal and kind. Determined and stubborn, a fighter. I _don't care_ if you hit me sometimes, on purpose or not. I can take it. Hell, when I first came here, I was happy you fought me constantly, because that meant that you were still in there. That the man I had come to love was still inside a broken body and that's all that matters, yeah? Yeah, your body is rebelling against you, but you are still you."

Eren looked at Levi for a while. The man looked a bit uncomfortable with what he had just ssid, but there was a warm kindness radiating from his eyes. A clear, gentle affection that Eren couldn't deny, and he found himself wondering how no one else could see it. Levi was rough around the edges, hardened by loss and time and the nature of the world he had grown up in, but inexplicably kind at the center of it all. And Eren had always known that. He had seen it from the moment that he had been put under Levi's care. The courtroom beating that had made Mikasa hate Levi had been what opened Eren's eyes to it. Unlike Mikasa, Eren had known exactly what the stakes of his trial had been. There was such a little chance of the Survey Corps getting custody of him that without Levi taking control of the situation as he had, Eren would probably be dead right now. And then afterward, Levi had asked him if Eren was afraid of him and… he had been truthful when he had said no. Because even then, he had known what a kindness Levi had paid him, cleverly disguised as meaningless violence. It was that same kindness that Eren had been betting on when he had asked Levi for just a few minutes more outside of his cell over a decade ago. That same kindness that Levi had shown him by letting him take up unofficial residence in his office. The same kindness Levi had shown when he had followed Eren's wishes and given him space after the rejected love confession. The same one that had lead to Levi giving up the parts of his life that made him who he was to keep Eren and Armin alive when the government had ordered their deaths. The same kindness that had brought Levi to him after the surgery that had taken Eren's mobility and words. It was bottomless, endless and overwhelming at times.

The other soldiers called him a demon. Said that he had no heart, but Eren knew better. Levi was bad at words most times, despite the efforts he made for Eren these days. He showed his heart through actions. People had a tendency to never look past his blank face, but Levi always gave and gave and gave, even if he had nothing left for himself. For the life of him, he couldn’t comprehend how no one else saw it. Hanji did, Eren knew, but these days it was only the two of them who did.

Before, Squad Levi had. It was Petra who had pointed it out, confirmed that it wasn’t just Eren’s imagination. That there was something there to dedicate your heart to when all else seemed to fall apart. Commander Erwin probably had, as well. After all, he had loved Levi, as well. But now, the people who could read more than what was on the outside of a person were mostly gone, and Levi was stuck with just him and Hanji. Not even Armin, with that big brain of his, seemed to see it. That day in the marketplace, between Mikasa and Armin, the blonde had seemed like the calmer, more accepting of the two, but Eren could read Armin like an open book. He always had been able to, a product of having known him their entire lives. While Mikasa had been openly hostile to Levi as she always had, Armin had been calmly scheming. When he had gotten up and followed Levi into the market, Eren had seen the dark look in those blue eyes, the lack of trust there. 

It took him less than a minute to come to a conclusion. Even if it was the last thing he did, Eren would give Levi the recognition he deserved. Even if it was only Eren who recognized it, he would make sure that Levi knew that _someone_ saw him, that someone was looking at him and fully recognizing the kindness there.

“You--kind. You have a good heart,” Eren started. “Selfless. Take care of everyone, even if--think badly of you. Never ask for anything in return. Don’t even want--be acknowledged. You’re--good man. You deserve more. I want--give you what you deserve.”

Slowly, Levi reached out and took Eren’s hand and studied his fingers, gently running his thumb over Eren’s palm. “I’m not. I’ve made a lot of mistakes.”

Eren shook his head. “If not for--I’d be dead three times over. I’m alive because--you. I love you.”

Levi squeezed his hand and looked up at Eren slowly. “I love you, as well, so can we stop this dance we do? Just accept that we love each other and move on? Maybe I’ll never fully understand why you want me, and vice versa, but maybe we could just accept that it’s a fact.”

Eren nodded. “Okay.”

Levi smiled. “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case someone doesn't know, 'battle fatigue', as Hanji calls it, is an old name for PTSD. I figured that if I was going with them not knowing much about how brains work, that they probably don't know about things like PTSD, because, I mean... Who had the time to start figuring out diagnoses when everyone was being eaten by titans? I chose battle fatigue instead of something like shell shock, because I figure that the cases that Hanji has witnessed were primarily Survey Corps members who had survived expeditions and then were very much NOT OKAY--understandably. Those soldiers most likely either didn't bring up what was going on in their heads and went on to die in their next expedition or were honorably discharged from the military, which is why Levi referred to them as the lucky ones. At least they survived, which was something that was rare for a Survey Corps soldier in those days.  
> I just wanted to clarify that, because I didn't want it to come across as being insenstitive towards anyone who actually suffers from PTSD. To people like Levi and Hanji who spent most of their lives surrounded by death, if someone lived, they were lucky. Such was the world when titans were roaming free.
> 
> ALSO! We are coming dangerously close to the end of this fic. I estimate only 2-3 more chapters.


End file.
